How similar are your children in personality/development?

[Foxtrot2022]

I have a very chatty, sociable and tactile six year old, and an 18 month old who is very independent, quite reserved, and struggling to talk. They are absolute chalk and cheese and I’m finding it very hard to not compare the 18 month old to his sister when she was at that age and telling myself all children develop differently.

Would love to hear your stories about how different your children were/are to make me feel better please!

My eldest (9) has always been stubborn and doesn’t care for rules. He’d argue black was white with a brick wall.

My middle one (5) is the sweetest, cuddliest boy. He is a pleaser and wants to make everyone happy.

The third one (12 months) is a mix of the two. She looks you in the eye whilst dropping shoes in the toilet with the sweetest grin. But also loves giving kisses and cuddles!

DC3 is very huggy whereas DC1 is far less tactile. DC2 is in between.

DC2 and DC3 are outgoing and chatty, whereas DC1 is quieter and more of a "thinker". As a baby DC3 was the latest to start talking.

DC1 and DC3 were very active babies while DC2 was more sedentary, funnily enough DC2 is very good at sport now.

DC1 is very loyal and has had the same "best friend" for years. The other two do more chopping and changing, especially DC3.

DC1 is very bright but can be lazy, the other two work hard at school.

DC3 is most likely to get upset and emotional, DC2 is the most likely to get tired and stressed, DC1 is very stable and balanced.

They all look like each other!

Personality wise my two are very different, though noth confident and sociable. First dc is more prone to push limits and throw a wobbler whereas second dc was calm personified from day one. Development wise, very, very similar.

I think it's understandable you're comparing but 18m is still very young so I wouldn't get into the habit of doing so openly or you'll create a habit of comparison and it won't be helpful for either dc.

Mine are quite opposite. DD has always been very active and risk-taking, sociable, very good at making her feelings known(!), quick-witted, a terrible sleeper, and prone to rage fits (violent ones when younger). Doesn't like school or learning but does study hard.
DS on the other hand is careful to the point of ridiculousness (he is getting more active now though at nearly 6, but will only do things he deems risky at home with me right there with him), struggles socially and won't let his friends know how he feels (if he's unhappy he just suffers silently rather than tell them he doesn't like something), has to think things through a lot, a good sleeper, does tantrum but nothing on the scale of DD in her heyday, in fact as a toddler when he got mad he would just demand cuddles instead of tantrumming.

They're all extremely different from each other.

I have twins. The differences between them are huge, but they’ve been that way since I was pregnant.

DD is bonkers, doesn’t care for rules, very creative, loud, caring, loves learning, loves people and is very confident, doesn’t struggle to make friends and chats to everyone. She walked at bang on a year, started talking early (which hasn’t stopped) and doesn’t believe in sleep. She won’t do housework, and I suspect she’s adhd but nobody will attempt an assessment until the end of this academic year. She’s great fun but also can be quite hard work as she has these epic meltdowns and doesn’t listen to a word I say.

DS is a quiet lad. Loves rules, rather rigid, caring, hates school, is shy round people and has a very hard time making friends and is currently being bullied in school. He walked at 14 months, didn’t utter a word until 2/2.5 (although now talks non stop but has a speech delay/issues) and has always been a marvellous sleeper. Loves housework and helping his mama. He’s also brilliant fun, but is more stable and reliable, he tries to not do as he’s told but ultimately can’t break the rules so will go along with it.

Both kids raised the same way, both very, very different!

DD1 was very early to talk but slightly later physically.
DD2 walked at 10 months but didn’t speak much until she was nearly 3.
Both bright but DD1 is very academic.
Ds was average in terms of moving around, walking etc. Delayed verbally but is a chatterbox now at 5. Bright and neurodiverse. Functions well at a mainstream school and socialises well most of the time.
DD2 was the quietest as a young one but Is the most confident generally now.

Mine are totally different.

DD16 was early to talk, read, do everything.

DS11 also reasonably early to talk, could read before school but emotionally he's years behind his sister at all the same ages. He's not very mature at all and I do struggle with it at times.

I have one introvert who does the bare minimum on everything and who doesn't care if he gets in trouble. Shy and not a joiner.

And one extrovert who goes above and beyond and who gets upset at the very thought of being in trouble. Outgoing, confident and friendly.

Total opposites

Very different all of them

They're probably similar academically but completely opposites in terms of personality. My eldest is confident, outgoing sociable. My youngest is shy and anxious.

DS1: creative, contrary, mercurial, sociable, intelligent, musical, verbose (AuDHD).

DS2: stable, rule-bound, can be serious, academic, quiet, loyal, sporty, musical.

I wonder, though, if we set them up to be different to each other, and emphasise their differences, because it helps us make sense of their personalities?

Mine couldn't be more different. They are adults now but were like this from birth. DD is outgoing, sociable, sporty, sparkling personality. Got a fabulous job despite not being overly academic - I'm sure she got there through confidence and charm ! DS was always super shy, lacking confidence , kept to himself. He is intelligent but works in a low level job - most likely his personality is a big part of that.

18DS- happy, laid back, lazy, intelligent, funny, content in own company, needs prompting and reminding for everything!

16DD- used to be shy, now very sociable, organised, independent, studies and works hard, always out!

11DS- sporty, smart, loving, full on, last minute with everything!

10DS- reserved until he knows you, hardworking, Funny, cool, very hardworking and doesn’t give up, has a temper!

so I’d say 4 very different personalities.