Hi everyone,
My DS is 10 weeks old - husband left when I was 34 weeks pregnant.
He works shifts which complicates things but I have asked since DS was 2 weeks old that we sort an arrangement for regular contact. He wants to do it on a regular basis by asking if I’m busy the following day and refuses to commit to anything in advance. I’m not happy with this as don’t feel that I should have to justify myself if I am/not busy and would rather 1) have things set to ensure consistency for DS 2) reduce the need for regular communication between us.
He works a rolling shift pattern and then has a second job on days off. I have started sending a message with 3 days and times that would be suitable for us (worked around his shifts) the week before. He doesn’t respond when I send it but will regularly message on the day trying to change time/say he can’t make it/ then asking what other days I can do.
What would you think is a reasonable frequency of visits for a father and baby at this age? I’ve been giving him 2 hours 3 times a week (most of the time he says he needs to leave after an hour), these are in our home (where I’m living). I’ve asked if he’d like to bath DS or take him out for a walk and has always declined these suggestions. I try to go upstairs/leave the room to give them time together.
I feel really stuck as I know DS needs consistency and to see him regularly but I also need boundaries for myself. He’s not willing to sit and plan anything in advance - so then there isn’t consistency because he cancels/changes times etc.
What do you suggest that I do to manage this? He won’t attend mediation.