Breastfeeding

[seamountain]

I'm struggling so basically my baby is 9 months old, she exclusively breastfeeds I've tried introducing other feeding methods but she won't take any, she wakes up continuously through out the night it can be minutes to half hour apart it's constant through the night I'm so so tired I'm physically drained sometimes as soon as I lay her down she will instantly wake up and no matter what I do to try get her back to sleep the only way is if I feed her, I feel like a human pacifier. Does any one have any advice on what to do because I feel like I can't take much more I can't see an end to this as much as it's created such an amazing bond I wish I never breastfed at this point I'm so tired I also have 2 older children too 4&7 so napping when she naps doesn't work but I'm getting minutes at a time through the night 😭

shes feeding for comfort so you need to wean her, at least at night

Do you have any tips of how to wean?

no matter what I do to try get her back to sleep the only way is if I feed her

Do you have a partner who can go in instead? Night weaning DD1 only worked when DH started going in with a sippy cup of water, giving her a bit, and then he put her to sleep. I think at first I still fed her once a night, around 1am, and then DH put her back to bed. It was a couple of rough nights (for DH, I was asleep) but then it was fine.

Do you co sleep and feed lying down? I’m in a similar position with my 8 month old DS, and although it’s not perfect the only way I’m surviving is by co sleeping. We’ve went all in and got him a floor bed so that in the evenings I can feed to sleep then roll away without disturbing him and then I can manage an evening with my partner then I just join him at bed time, he wakes every hour or so to feed but I barely have to move or open my eyes.

I really feel for you OP. This was me 3 years ago. My husband was working so couldn't help out at night and even if he did she would go ballistic for me. I ended up co-sleeping, it was the only way I could get any decent rest. I did notice she became more intense with the night feeds when she was cutting a tooth. It would ease off when the tooth was through, could this be the problem?

Same boat here. DD is one on Monday and still wakes several times a night to be fed back to sleep. She has slept through the night several times though so I know it’s not a case of not being able to put herself back to sleep as she obviously can. I think she’s worse when she’s teething or unwell.

She is currently cutting a tooth so it could make sense to how bad last night was, I just feel like I'm so over ready to stop breastfeeding but baby isn't and no matter what I try she takes to nothing else 😩

Yeah I do feed in my bed but I do move her back over to her next to me crib once she's finished feeding and sometimes as soon as I lay her down she wakes up, as much as co sleeping would probably help me sleep I have such bad anxiety towards it and couldn't physically fall asleep

Oh this part is so hard, Dd was waking every hour at 9 months to bf and I thought I would lose my mind. I did co sleep topless so she could feed when she wanted and I barely woke up, but I understand your anxiety surrounding it.

Can you start to introduce a new settling routine into bed time? So bf her before sleep, but not actually in her room/your room. Put on some white noise loudly as that really does help, and rock her until she’s falling asleep and put her down. She will likely get rather pissed off, but I found that if you stay and don’t give in, but give comfort with singing, stroking and patting they do eventually go to sleep! It is awful though, but honestly if you can stick it out for a few sleeps it will get better quite quickly. See if you can then reduce the bf down to twice a night, and then go from there. But I found once Dd realised I wouldn’t bf to sleep it did click quite quickly for her.

I feel you. I had exactly the same with my now toddler and going through it with my current 11 month old. As a pp says, night weaning with your partner might do the trick - my thinking was that I would give my babe a year of my body (exclusively breastfeeding / co-sleep / feed to sleep) and then wean. It worked with my first; I had a countdown to keep me sane, then we put her into her own room at a year, on a floor bed, and my partner slept on a mattress alongside her. Took her a few weeks but she got it, and it was relatively gentle as he was there instead of me for comfort, just with a glass of milk or water instead of boob. She now sleeps really well.

I'm hoping to do the same with my 11 month old, but it's killing me in the meantime, if I so much as breathe funny when she does go to sleep, she immediately starts looking for my milk 😭

I'm in the same position with my 9 month old, she feeds through the night roughly every 3 hours, DH can settle at the start of the night but after 1am she really won't settle without a feed from me. I'm giving her till 1 year old and then will night wean using a sippy cup of water as I'll be back to work and don't think it'll be sustainable.

Following for advice as it's so so hard, I have an older child too so no option to nap either

If you feel ready to stop and feel it’s impacting your mental health then just stop. She’s 9 months old so I would just work on her taking formula from a sippy cup (or straw cup, personally I’ve had great success with run tum straw cups with both mine) and encourage solids. Not saying it will be easy but it is doable.

We moved my daughter to formula at 10 months when I was taken into hospital to start new medication that I couldn't breastfed on. She was stopped cold turkey and it was brutal but she happily stayed on formula until 2 years!

The one thing changing to formula didn't do was improve my daughters sleep and she still woke as frequently through the night when on breastmilk as formula as oat milk and now nothing. For my daughter her wake ups are heavily influenced by her reflux and needing comfort when in pain. Swapping from breastfeeding isn't always a magic cure for improving sleep. She won't accept dad overnight either so it's still all on me. In return dad takes her in the mornings are the weekend.

It generally isn't recommended to night wean until they are a bit older. My 1 year old was the same at that age and it gradually improved. I know that doesn't help now but I'm glad we carried on.

It could be separation anxiety, it can peak around 8/9 months.
DD was terrible at this age and woke so frequently, we co-slept for most of the night and I just fed her whenever she woke.
DS went through it aswell but not as bad.

It's very tough but breastfeeding is also for comfort not just hunger, babies use it especially to help when they are poorly or teething.

DD weaned completely from bf at 12 months, the only bottle she would take was one with a straw.
I'm hoping to wean DS around 12 months aswell, luckily he will drink from most cups.

I have ebf and co slept with all 3 of my dc so I'll give you my top tips (not all of these worked with all 3 dc but worth trying imo):

• night wean. Do this gently. Do not feed to sleep as a first reaction- comfort/cuddle and only feed if they aren't asleep after 10 mins / are totally inconsolable. Managed to cut down feeds quite quickly this way after 8mo with 2 of mine - 8 months really is when that exhaustion kicks in I think! Start or persevere with a bedtime routine that removes feeding as the final thing - replace with a cuddle/ patting and shushing / lullaby and face stroke or whatever.
• baby needs to fall asleep where they are going to stay. Moving them is a recipe for disaster. I'd recommend moving to their own room, stay with them until asleep then you move and leave them to it. If you replace feeding as per above then the final cuddle/pat/face stroke needs to be when they are in their cot. If you have a cot refuser, a firm mattress on the floor in a baby proof room worked for mine.
• if you have to keep feeding to sleep, make the mattress a double. Feed laying down then slip out when they are asleep. The key is they stay and you move!
• get dad involved. He needs to start doing bedtimes too. All 3 of mine first started sleeping all night after a daddy bedtime. As though no mummy removed all thoughts of milk! Let dad establish his own routine - they may seek comfort differently from him. Don't hover. Let him crack on.