DD is 5 weeks old and I just feel like I'm struggling

[Brogsx]

My DD is amazing and I wouldn't change her for the world, she is also my first. She is struggling with quite bad reflux which does make a lot of the feeds very difficult as she can be restless for 2-3 hours afterwards or she will sometimes settle and then 2 hours later it can start. I'm just finding it very hard as it seems that whenever someone else feeds her she is absolutely fine and it just makes me worry that I'm a bad mum and I don't know what I'm doing.
My partner is very vocal in making it known that he doesn't have these issues when he feeds her (not very often I might add) and as you can imagine this has upset me even more as I think it must be something I'm doing wrong but also it's not a competition.... I've since said to him that he can do the night time feed which resulted in a comment of at least I won't have a breakdown, this has resulted in me getting angry and I did raise my voice, he's now said that I need to get a grip and stop shouting in front of his daughter and that she's going to hate me growing up.
I now have all this running through my mind, he won't speak to me about what he's said as he never does and it's all just added to what I was already thinking that I am a bad mum.

Also if anyone has any tips on how to deal with reflux that would be much appreciated! X

Hi OP! I can definitely reassure you , you're absolutely an amazing mum! 💗

My LO who's now 4 months old struggled & still struggles with reflux , some feeds he would be okay & I would also feel awful and paranoid that it was something I was doing. I would love to share with you what's helped my LO. Are you breast or formula feeding?

The early days can be hard as you bumble your way through but your DD will not hate you.
Your DP doesn’t sound very supportive though, if you are struggling please contact the HV or midwife for support.
Hang on in there, your DD is fed, warm and loved. You are doing great!

The first few weeks are so so hard. Me and my DH had some arguments during that time, but we always made up quickly and understood it was because of the tiredness/newness of having a baby.

You are an amazing mum, no doubt. If you're doing the majority of the feeds of course you'll see the hard stuff as well as the good.

I will ask though, is your partner usually supportive? Those thing he said are cruel. I hope that that was a one off and you will be able to talk it through together soon. Do you have any other support?

Aw I didn't want to read and run Op. firstly you are doing brilliantly, becoming a first time mum is so hard and you are in the thick of it at 5 weeks post partum. Please don't feel for a minute like you are a bad mum or not exactly what your DD needs. Your DH is being totally out of order, do you have any close family members you could get some support from, mum, sister, aunt etc? I didn't really have a properly reflux baby but I know holding them upright for a long time after a feed is essential. Also make sure you look into whether the milk (if you aren't BF) is right for her, any symptoms of CMPA etc?

Your partner sounds like a dick.

Your partner sounds like an unsupportive dickwad. You however, are doing brilliantly! The first few weeks are utter hell, even with easy babies the shock to the system, navigating recovery from birth (however you delivered), trying to figure out who you are now, how to carry on life as normal whilst dealing with this tiny human who seems to control your life now, it’s hard.

I promise, you will find your way. Until then, keep on doing what you’re doing, because you’re doing great.

Hey,
Aw thank you, she is formula fed. I've tried sitting her up longer after feds and stopping more often during feeds to wind her but I just feel these aren't helping x

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time - the newborn phase can be brutal. I'm also sorry that your husband is being a prick to you about it.

Does your baby's cot have a tilting function so that you can lay her down with her head a little higher than her body? If not then you can try placing a rolled up towel underneath the cot mattress to recreate the slope.

Perhaps you can look into doing baby massage and try out different winding techniques, or positions with feeding.

Good luck ❤️

Hi op

sorry to hear all this. Don’t worry, you’re doing a great job!

If the issue is actually reflux then no amount of burping, being upright for ages will help really. For bad reflux, contact the Gp and ask for omeprezole. Or, i think you could also try some different formulas first. I think the ‘comfort’ ones are designed to help reflux as they are thicker? Good luck :)

Your partner is being a dick.

All babies are grumpy/sicky/ crabby to some degree for first 3m + it's totally normal as digestive systems aren't mature and it's uncomfortable for them.
I found 6/7pm to 12 the most hideous part of the day.
By 6m everything got a lot easier especially when baby can wind themselves.

One thing I struggled to accept is you cannot trouble shoot everything.
Eg even if you feed correct amount with perfect techniques and wind baby flawlessly... They will still cry for ages and barf on you 🙈

One practical tip - we found at newborn stage baby was a lot less crabby with ready made formula Vs powdered as it has less air in it.
While on small amounts we gave her mostly ready made. At 2-3m we went to a mix as readymade was £££. Might be worth a try. We used hipp organic

It 100% gets better and easier. Hang on in there.

Hi OP

I'm FTM to a 7 month old and it's been a blur of happiness, hopelessness and tiredness.

It's so normal to struggle and there is no shame in it, you're looking after a brand new human.

Have you thought about possible CMPA? My baby was the same and I after 5 weeks I sat in the doctors and cried until they provided a prescription for Aptamil Pepti 1 formula to try, it was like a miracle, different baby.

Just a suggestion! They also gave me gavisvon and omeprazole for reflux but after a few weeks on new formula she didn't need either anymore.

Lots of hugs to you, it will pass xx

Your partner doesn't sound very supportive

Also just to add, your partner needs to get his arse into gear. The way he has spoken to you is not acceptable. Yes, having a newborn puts so much pressure on a relationship but you are meant to be a team, your baby will not hate you for shouting once at their Dad when a few weeks old. X

This is true.
I HATE to say it but men take longer to get with the program...god knows why.

DH is amazing and so hands on now. The first few months i felt like I was pushing water up hill at times... I gave him space and left him to it and he learned eventually.

Re fighting
DH and I fought like cats and dogs at times during first 6m.

DD is 20m and thinks we are both amazing / wonderful and hilarious. I get more air kisses and beaming smiles than I know what to do with

Have you tried infant gaviscon? Mine is in two sachets a feed and makes a huge difference. Doc can prescribe