4 year old hysterical at dentist

[34dougal]

Long story short, he is complaining of tooth ache, but his dentist has rarely got a good look at them tho spent a small fortune on regular appts to try and get used to it, lovely lady but he just hates it all. Not sure where negative association come from, anyway no idea how to tackle this as won't let anyone near them, do they do anaesthetic for check ups?! Many thanks, feeling just awful.

I very much doubt they would administer an anaesthetic for a 4 year old with toothache.

How come you've spent a small fortune on appointments? Are you in the UK? I thought it was free.

Does he have any additional needs?
My youngest sees the community dentistry team.
They have teams in hospitals that can do check ups under sedation or GA if there is a need due to pain.
You would need to ask your dentist to make a referral for you.

Does he let you look at them? Can you see anything or does he complain of pain when you brush a certain bit?

We did lots of dentist practice at home. Lots of books about it, fact and fiction. And my best tool was a torch we got from A&E when we were in with a head injury. We played looking in each others mouths with that and the next time we went it was like taking a different child.
Does he say what bit about it he doesn't like?

I can't remember the exact number but it's in the mid 90% of NHS dentists don't have any children spaces available.
We can't get any NHS dentist for my daughter in our town or any of the adjoining towns. The cheapest private is £30 a check up and due to reflux my daughter needs 3 monthly visits. The difficulty in accessing an NHS dentist is now impacting children's access too.

I have a private dentist too due to the shortage of NHS dentists but they still treated my 3 kids for free. Could just be my dentist though.

Anyway OP - if you're paying for private dental care, try to look for someone who specializes in anxious children. Some of them do.

Kids,with asd and sld like my son can learn to attend dentist with posituve reinforcement and practice , so your ds can too
Find a dentist who will see him weekly gradually building from going in the door, to sitting in chair to looking at teeth

Thanks all, I don't know exactly his issue, he says he is scared. His father left us about 18 months ago and since this has come with a lot of emotional problems, he is v good at communicating but can't get to the bottom of this. I wanted to Stick with the same dentist for familiarity but it may be a different one might make a difference.
yes it's private, couldn't get him at my Nhs dentist. Check ups £25, of course it's money well spent but in reality we have spent it on about 20 second check snd lots of upset. I will ask dentist advice again, if anything we can do. I fear he will become more afraid, but also I can't ignore of course. He has only complained a couple of times in the evening, when we brush on top left he will wince or move away from it so I can't even clean that area properly. His father is of zero use and still feeds him oaty bars and all the dried fruit etc on the weekends when he has him, furious really as I have always been on top of dental hygiene and this feels like such a failure for my son. Thanks all

Even though it is a private dentist they can do a referral to a community dentist who specialises in treating phobic children.
However in some areas waiting lists are one to two years.
Are you able to look where it's sore? Can you take a good photo with your phone ? Put the flash on and use a macro setting if you have one.
If you see something like a hole or black try to take a photo and email it to your dentist to ask their opinion.
However the number one thing is diet. If they have something with sugar in more than three times a day they will get decay no matter how well you brush their teeth. Especially watch food and drink before bedtimes . Nothing more than water.
They will not do anaesthetic for check ups , unless severe learning difficulties, behavioural problems or physical problems and pain. Mostly time, patience and positive reinforcement will sort out check up nerves.

Spend ££ on some play therapy or music therapy
Ask gp to refer to community dentist
Ask school for advice
Do role play he is the dentist you the patient
Have his teddies go to the dentist what happens?