do your friend's children like you?

[dragonbreath]

Feeling a bit sensitive about this and feeling a bit of a twit for being bothered by it so have name changed. (Not sure if on right topic list also)

DD is 5 and is friendly with my friend's daughter age 4. We meet weekly and have done for about 2 years. Friends daughter has never really warmed to me, even after all this time - she adores my DD and my DD is really friendly with my friend. My friend is great - patient and thoughtful and fun - but I'm ok too I think, so I don't understand the coolness she shows to me. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit left out of our foursome. It's not outright hostility just little things constantly e.g she will object to me joining games sometimes when the three of them are already playing, she will never kiss me goodbye (we all kiss between us) she will never offer me her pretend food -see I'm being really senstive aren't I? My friend doesn't make a big deal about it (probably quite rightly) but has mentioned to me that her daughter prefers males. I know I shouldn't really let it bother me, she's only 4 and things can change as children get older but I can't seem to get past being upset about it. My DD is very warm and affectionate to my adult friends

well my ds was pretty awful with adult females at a young age,a but younger than your friend's dd .But it was very strange and he has completely grown out of it now.
There was no reason for it as far as I knew,but he did shun most female adults for some reason ,and ones with glasses and dark eyebrows and blonde/grey hair were the devil incarnate!

What you see as coolness could be ordinary reserve in a not very touchy feely sort of child. Normal surely ?

Don't try too hard to win her over and it will happen eventually. Definitely squash any negative thoughts and just enjoy the company she provides for your dd. It'll come right!

You could be right Mrs P, it's probably me being over sensitive -DD is extremely touchy feely and that's what I'm used to.

ggirl, I do have dark eyebrows - so that explains it all!

Thanks walnut, I do all you the things you say, I'll just have to hang in there.

And in the meantime you can just be really chuffed that your own dd is so sociable - I would!!

My dd is like your friends dd, she is very picky (has been right from the word go) about who she will talk to. She even refuses to speak to my bil, which upsets him quite a bit, which has made it a bit of a vicious circle. The more upset he is about it, the more she ignores him.
I really wouldn't get upset about, it doesn't say anything about you and contrary to popular belief I don't think children know when someone's 'not right', that's a load of guff. Some children (my dd included) are a bit over fussy about people, that's all.

Lots of kids are quite simply shy with other adults. I was. For that reason I would have HATED to have been expected to kiss somebody who wasn't my mummy or daddy. For me, it was a major effort just having to speak to them.

If the little girl senses that you get upset, that will make her more nervous still. It isn't really a 4yo's job to make other adults feel good about themselves. Accept her for who she is and lay off a bit.

As for the question in your title, yeah I think dc's friends think I'm more or less ok. Harmless. A fairly pleasant sort. They won't go out of their way to avoid me. Or refuse to come to dc's house because of me. And that is about as much as I expect.

After all, they are not coming to entertain me, but dc's. As long as they are not openly rude, they don't have to love me, or even like me. Though they probably quite do. In a mild sort of way.

They think I'm odd though. But then there is something in that

Cory's advice is good dragonbreath. You know, you may find out somehow that the little girl is really fond of you in her own way. certainly as a child i wasn't particularly demonstrative to adults apart from my parents, but it didn't mean i didn't like other adults.

As an aside I'd like to tell you this. My dd (9) has a particular friend who's been here on a few playdates. She came round this week and the girls were reminiscing about a previous summer playdate where for some reason I'd got a bit cross with my dd over something. X the friend remembered this, but not in a bad way..she just recognised how I'd been feeling about this (minor) misdemeanor, and then moved on. I got a hug and a thank you at the end of the afternoon, so what I'm saying is that all children are different; X I think still likes me in spite of registering a bit of crossness. But actually she's dd's friend not mine, so it shouldn't really matter anyway. That's how I see it anyway. I think you'd be happier if you just relaxed and tried to focus on the fact your friend's dd is probably just not a demonsrative sort of child, at this stage anyway.

thanks for all your advice -I am being a bit of a twit for being sensitive about this -I think it's because her mum is my good friend and I really enjoy our litle foursome. With DD's other friends I'm really not bothered how they interactwith me and leave them be and that's fine with us all. (I also agree with rantinghousewife that children don't know when someone is 'not right')