Anxiety about taking baby out

[JadeOllie16]

Hello!

I was hoping to get some support/advice about my anxiety. My daughter is 11 months old (1 next week!) and I also had a son who I lost in October 2021, he was stillborn at full term. Since E has been born I have really struggled with my anxiety about her health and E's happiness. I currently receive support from the Perinatal MH team and I'm on the waiting list for counselling but as you know this can take a long time to recieve!

I obsess about E's health and I'm constantly worried she's unwell or is about to get unwell. I'm really starting to isolate myself in terms of not taking her out to groups or to anyone's houses etc in case she catches a winter illness and I'm petrified of taking her out in the car in case she cries or we're in an accident. I never used to be this bad but things have gotten worse not better over the last few months since E got a cold after attending a soft play.

I see my care coordinator once per week and have been to see my GP but nothing seems to be helping my anxiety, I seem to just stay in the house with her alone all day just because I believe that's where she's the safest...

Any advice would be much appreciated!

Thank you x

I'm sorry about what happened to your son, that must have been so awful for you. I would keep on at the perinatal mental health team about how severe your anxiety has got. Do you have the funds for private counselling? You do know your fears are largely irrational but you could be putting your daughter at risk by not allowing her to mix with other children and develop her communication and other skills and her immune system.

I'm not sure if this is going to help, but...

You're right. She is less likely to get a cold/winter bug if you keep her at home away from other people. There's no denying your logic.

But, the consequences to her from being kept indoors and isolated are far greater than her catching a cold/winter bug. Firstly, she needs to build up her immune system, you'll have to let her out at some point and she'll just get all the bugs then anyway, best to build up her immune system as nature intended. Secondly, children need fresh air and a change of scenery for their physical and emotional health and brain development. There is no value in her being someone who has never had a cold, but can't socialise, is easily overwhelmed, hasn't developed the IQ that she had the potential for, is emotionally fragile etc.

A cold is really the lesser of two evils.

Im so sorry you lost your first baby. I can’t even imagine how painful that must be.

I think you need proper mental health support. This is too complex to simply tell you viruses are normal and she’ll be fine. Are you medicated for your anxiety? Could you afford some private trauma focused therapy?