When do things become a bit easier

[rockl0bster]

I have a 9 month old baby. I love her to bits and am so happy to have her - even contemplating another. Though I do desperately miss some of my past freedoms. People without small children HAVE NO IDEA how much free time they have. When will I have some freedoms again? I just mean not attached to my child 24/7 and able to just chill and read a book or go for a run and have a regular exercise routine again. Maybe go for a weekend away with my partner. Im back in work 2 days a week and baby isn't yet in nursery. Would love to know your experiences!

You’re right in the thick of it atm, and it does feel overwhelming. I’d say Dd got easier around 18 months but 4 was the real turning point. I know it seems a long, long time away, but Dd is 7 now and truly it does fly by.

My advice is if you want a second have them as close together as possible, so it’s very intense for a shorter while. I am TTC now and the thought of going right back to the baby stage is a little terrifying 😂

It completely depends on your partner and support network.

asking someone to have your baby for a weekend is a huge ask.

You're in the thick of it now - I remember being run ragged around this point as they are non-stop on the go with no sense of danger. We had no local support and it was SO relentless. If you have someone you trust who could come in and look after baby, even if just for an afternoon, it makes a big difference. But it does get easier, honestly. I have teens now and they are so independent, off with friends or in their rooms. It goes by fast and soon you're rattling around the place and bothering them!

With a bit of planning you should have time to read and exercise, which will make you feel a bit more like yourself. We have a 9 month old (and 4 year old) and have recently done some sleep training meaning we have our evenings back. We're all up at 6am latest (not by choice) on weekdays so I've recently started doing a 15-30 min workout every day which I'd really recommend - even on broken sleep.
In terms of the weekend away though.. that seems out of the realms of possibility for us, although we do have friends who have managed it.

I would also disagree with pp who said have them as close together as possible to get through the early days quicker. Lots of benefits to having a slightly bigger gap.

Forgot to say - vital that your partner is pulling their weight!

When they went to nursery pt at four months each time and I went back to work.
Weekend away with a partner? We had just one when they went to cub camp together aged about ten. Other than that, never.

@rockl0bster I feel like unless you have a supportive partner or really hands on support network it's difficult to get 'alone time'. But you do get used to it. And work is a bit of a break..

ALSO, Would not reccomend two so close together if you want some time back for yourself. As someone who has just done 2 under 2... I am struggling!

We had weekend together when youngest was 3 I think. I found 3 a huge turning point, you don't need to literally follow them everywhere like you do with a younger child. There were other little milestones before then, sleeping through the night reliably around a year, even if morning meant 5.30 etc.

Depends on the baby. I started getting my life back a bit with eldest at 1 and a bit, middle at probably 1.5 and youngest 1ish. For me it was generally when I stopped breastfeeding. They do become hard in different ways but at least your body is your own to an extent.

Me and my daughter went into a mother and baby unit at 10 months. So it is a pretty shit time.
I did a phased return back to work from 13 months and during that time realised I couldn't work more than 2 days in a row so I went back part time with Wednesdays off with my daughter.
This is a rechanging day for me and chores are left for the weekend. MH typical day off is having a food shop delivered in the morning, we go to a toddler group and have lunch at the adjoining cafe before heading to my parents for the weekend. We might go to the park or the library or play outside depending on the weather. She sometimes has dinner there and sometimes we head home. In which case I do a few easy chores whilst she eats and has a bit of TV time.

My daughter has a lot of food allergies which makes eating out hard. It's is easy to not find the excuses to go out just the two of us but we are trying too. We recently went out for a fancy lunch for our anniversary. We booked for 2 as it meant the babysitters didn't have to worry about feeding my daughter they had some safe snacks at hand. We would have like a weekend away but you have to work with what you have got.

Every weekend one or both of us goes for a long bath. For us it's the easy way to say "I need an hour of peace". I take a book and my partner listens to music. If this isn't your thing I would recommend finding a way to be unavailable to your child for an hour but not to be so far away if needed you are there. Lie on the bed with a book or if that wouldn't give you a break siting the car. 1-2 days a week I work in my office at my train arrives at 5.20 and my daughters nursery doesn't close until 6 which is when she is usually picked up. I give myself an extra 10 minutes in the car to finish my chapter or read another one or do a bit of browsing of sm/mn. She gets a few extra minutes of mum time and I get a few extra minutes of being me.

For the exercise I find it really hard to prioritise it without a class. I was doing a pilates class one evening a week. It is 6-6.45 so my partner did pick up and sorted dinner out. I did my class and just had enough to eat and be ready for bedtime. The instructor has been off sick for the last 4 months and I made all sorts of promises to myself about still using the time for exercise. I did not! If it's important to you find a class that fits it with your schedule when doing the class it gave me that spur to be more.active the rest of the week.

As for the second. I had the most horrendous first year my daughter has a bunch of allergies and bad reflux. I had treatment resistant depression and psychosis. It was 18months of hell. 18months of moving to normality and now at 3 years we think we might be ready to explore what 2 would look like. I never fancied 2 close together. I have a 4 and 7 year age gap between my sister and they have an 11 year gap between the two of them. My dad has gaps of 2-21 years and the only one he doesn't speak to is the 2y gap! We have twins in the family too and friends of mine ended up with 3 under 2 as they got 2 for the price 1 out of the second pregnancy.
So much can change between 1 and 1.5, and 1.5 and 2, and 2 and 3 and and. Just feel what makes sense to you and you won't go far wrong

For most of those things you can do it with a young baby - I did mum and baby postnatal exercise classes, was reading during naps and breastfeeding since we came out of hospital, and have been using a jogging buggy since six months. She goes in the gym creche now so I can do exercise classes without her, and I read/study every evening after she has gone to bed. If you have a supportive partner or other childcare, like facilities like a gym with creche, it's all doable.

The weekend away is a bit trickier as I haven't wanted to spend that long away from dc so haven't looked into it. My friends have gone away and their dcs spent the weekend with GPs but ours are old and I wouldn't feel comfortable or feel that they would follow our routine. Other friends have a nanny so they get babysitting nights regularly and have gone on weekend breaks, but I wouldn't leave a child with ad hoc childcare for a weekend, only a nanny who regularly cares for them. There are some nice hotels which offer babysitting in house so you can enjoy aspects of a weekend break (nice adult meals etc).

Exactly!
I left DD with her dad for 3 months while I was going to pilates, nights out etc.
Never had an issue asking for a day away or night out as he loves being with her and is very supportive, and he knows I sometimes need time for myself.
We don't have family living nearby (both from different countries) but if we had, I would ask them to look after her over the weekend every month or other month. (I know for a fact they would be happy to). When we travel back home, or they come to visit, we have nights out with my husband or travel for a weekend.

Unfortunately, these days parents are terrified to ask family or friends for help. This is very strange to me but looks like the "let's struggle alone quietly" is the way our society is heading.

Oh gosh, wait until they're at the "mummy, mummy, mummy, muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmy, look at me" stage :/