Anyone else have a child with mental health difficulties who wants to share and support?

[Sohardithurts]

It’s so hard and I’m really struggling
The constant anxiety around self harm and suicide.
never knowing how the next hour or day will play out.
The heart wrenching guilt, shame and pain at having a child who is so unhappy.

Does it get better? I feel like every time DS faces a challenge in the future I will be terrified of what he might do or what his coping mechanisms will be.

How do you get used to this level of stress and anxiety without becoming ill yourself as right now I don’t feel like I’m in a good place at all which isn’t very helpful for anyone.

A couple of years ago ds2 was in a very dark place. We tried hard to be vigilant and put lots of safeguards in around the house (locking away medicines and knives). We also never left him home alone. It has been a slow and long process but he is so much better now.

We are lucky that in our area there is a charity specifically for teenagers in crisis and their families. (TIC+). We got counselling for ds2, phone support for us and access to parent support groups.

We managed to get CAMHS and support through them.

I was signed off by the GP and had anti depressants for a while.

The parent support group was really useful as it made me feel less alone.

I might have to try and find something. His twin sister has a chronic health condition from birth and we are in a parent support group for that but the issues feel really different albeit both carry worry and fear for the future.

I feel exhausted by it all.

How old is your son @Sohardithurts? How much has he suffered to date and how much help has he had access to?
I am in a similar position right now, feeling broken by my son's current mental health crisis but we have had experience of suicide etc. which actually helps as he has been faced with this and has decided this is definitely not for him...thank G. But, I can never be sure...and we never know

Wishing you well

You must really be kind to yourself. You have so much to manage it is important to find time to breathe.

I was soldiering on, thinking I had be everything to everyone and be really good at it but it just exhausted me.

Whilst things are still challenging with ds2 in a different way, problems at work and the menopause have all joined together to knock me off my feet.

The GP has referred me to the NHS Let's Talk service (you can self refer) and my work 'buys in' to an employee support service so I am on the waiting list for counselling.

My GP surgery has been incredibly supportive and when I had a mini breakdown a GP phoned me back within the hour.

Do not be afraid to get help for yourself as well as your dc

I am probably a bit further on and my child is in his mid twenties. He is a beautiful, intelligent, talented kind soul who also happens to have paranoid schizophrenia. Things started when he went away to university. He struggled to cope and took to self medicating with cannabis. Big mistake. We had to fetch him home mid way through his second year and we had him at home for the next eighteen months. Eighteen months of begging for help and being unable to access any care. Was told repeatedly to ‘tell him to give us a call’ err… he was psychotic. This was by far the worst period of our lives. The fear, the worry, the anguish, all took their toll on us all. In the end, at Christmas 2020 he punched his dad and I phoned the police. He was arrested and taken away and we just felt numb and the worst parents in the world. We’d always said that if there was violence we would do this but it was so hard to see him so vulnerable and lost and in the back of a police van.
The next call was from a MH nurse saying he was being sectioned.
He was away for four months and then discharged back to us. But he was in the system. This is important.
The next two years were up and down but he responded well to meds and they began to reduce these. Christmas 2022 he was sectioned again as he relapsed quite spectacularly, smashed up his guitar, his bedroom and our kitchen (he doesn’t remember this). He’s been away now for nearly 12 months. First 300 miles away and now on a local (ish) rehab ward. They are now looking to release him to supported accommodation - not because we don’t want him but because he deserves a shot at living more independently.
There are still times when it all seems overwhelming and bleak. I am a teacher and have managed to keep up my work, my school is very understanding if I’m late(I don’t sleep well) or if there’s an incident (sometimes he escapes).
How to get through it?

• Realise that the dreams you had for your child were yours not theirs and they may never realise all their early potential. Life will be challenging and sometimes they will struggle. Work on living more in the moment, focusing on them being happy and healthy (everything else is BS anyway)
• Advocate for them. Make sure everyone involved in their care knows how loved they are, how special, how important.
• Dont let it consume every moment. Make time for nice things and work on your relationships. Accept help. Talk to people you trust. Don’t fear judgement. Some people never experience this. Some people will make comments or try to judge you. That’s not your problem. They’ve been lucky, good for them.
• Love your child for who they are right now. I know my boy is going through a terrible ordeal but he’s here, and he’s trying and I’m in awe of his strength and fortitude.

I hope this helps someone.

@JimmyGrimble oh my goodness that sounds so very hard. My heart goes out to you. I do hope your son gets on well in his new accomodation but I can only imagine how much you will continue to worry. Your advice is valuable thank you.

@lorisparkle I’m actually not working in paid employment at the moment as I’m studying for a PhD which is unfortunately going by the wayside at present. I sort of miss the opportunity to see colleagues and have a change of focus although I appreciate it perhaps would be an impossible juggle.

I am so sleep deprived from being alert all night and checking on him as nights have been when self harm occurs. Even if DH and I agree to take it in turns I can’t relax to sleep anyway. We have of course safety proofed the house as much as possible but he’s not on house arrest and could easily find things at school.

Someone mentioned on a thread yesterday how siblings of poorly dc have their own challenges because of it.... My dd attempted suicide twice last year. This year she has morphed into a different young woman. No outside help after initial appointments as said she had no reasons for her bad mh. Long Covid apparently has connections to bad mh. Has your dc had Covid?. I also have an adult dc with mh issues. By witnessing something horrific as a teenager and turning to alcohol sadly..