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Original poster

Advice needed for my 16 years on the internet forever

15 replies

Chimuch · 08/12/2023 14:45

I am concerned about my soon to be 16 years old in few months. Soon after he is back from school he goes on to the computer/mobile for hours and hours. At times stays late till 1pm even in school days. I don’t know what to do as he has no physical activity and doesn’t seem to bother if I have to offer any advice. Please help.

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SutWytTi · 08/12/2023 14:51

Switch off the wifi?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/12/2023 19:59

How is he apart from that? Does he do well academically and socially?

calorcalorcalor · 08/12/2023 20:17

Another vote for switching off the wifi... or leaving devices downstairs after a certain time (8pm I'd say?)

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Original poster
Chimuch · 08/12/2023 23:44

Thanks then he starts asking for my phone hotspot failing that he gets agitated.

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Original poster
Chimuch · 08/12/2023 23:45

That’s the problem. I have the control over router and can switch off the internet at certain times but the problem is then he gets agitated and doesn’t cooperate at all.

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Original poster
Chimuch · 08/12/2023 23:47

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/12/2023 19:59

How is he apart from that? Does he do well academically and socially?

A few months ago I had quite a few complaints from School for him not focusing but recently is taking seriously and academically doing fine. Socially he has a friend or two and go out with them time to time. As a family he doesn’t want to go out with us at all no matter what.

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SD1978 · 08/12/2023 23:56

So you can limit it, you choose not to because it bothers him. I would be cutting it off at a certain time, and u less there is an aggression concern, he can be as agitated as he wants.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/12/2023 08:06

A few months ago I had quite a few complaints from School for him not focusing but recently is taking seriously and academically doing fine

So do you think he wasn't focusing because h was overtired or do you think that there's a chance that he might be ASD?

Original poster
Chimuch · 09/12/2023 11:15

SD1978 · 08/12/2023 23:56

So you can limit it, you choose not to because it bothers him. I would be cutting it off at a certain time, and u less there is an aggression concern, he can be as agitated as he wants.

I am sorry there is a concern of aggression as well.

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Original poster
Chimuch · 09/12/2023 11:17

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/12/2023 08:06

A few months ago I had quite a few complaints from School for him not focusing but recently is taking seriously and academically doing fine

So do you think he wasn't focusing because h was overtired or do you think that there's a chance that he might be ASD?

This is actually an interesting point you raised. I am not sure keeping in mind the social inactivity, no physical activity or exercise, lack of interest in almost anything but computer and his mobile. How to get this diagnosed?

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SBHon · 09/12/2023 11:22

Chimuch · 08/12/2023 23:45

That’s the problem. I have the control over router and can switch off the internet at certain times but the problem is then he gets agitated and doesn’t cooperate at all.

Do you turn it off out of the blue or does he know that the boundary is that the Wi-Fi goes off every single evening at eg11pm?

If he’s been allowed to stay up til 1am then this is going to be something he has to get used to. Tell him it’s happening ahead of time. Tell him it will happen every single day. And stick to it.

Original poster
Chimuch · 09/12/2023 11:48

SBHon · 09/12/2023 11:22

Do you turn it off out of the blue or does he know that the boundary is that the Wi-Fi goes off every single evening at eg11pm?

If he’s been allowed to stay up til 1am then this is going to be something he has to get used to. Tell him it’s happening ahead of time. Tell him it will happen every single day. And stick to it.

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Thanks I will try it again and will explain in advance. He actually says there shouldn’t be any internet restrictions. Why why and why sort of questions he throws at me saying why I am not letting him enjoy internet time with his friends. Why can’t you? Blah blah blah..
I’ll make the rule and stick to it. I’ll update you all and thanks for all the precious input.

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gotomomo · 09/12/2023 11:52

We had rules, times altered as they got older but the gaming computer wasn't in dd DD's bedroom, and at 15/16 it went off by 10 on school nights, at 6th form I wasn't as strict but if by 11 she was still gaming I'd thump on the wall, it was next to my bedroom, and she would turn off. Both mine had phones on them, both sensible enough to turn off by bedtime

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/12/2023 20:51

How to get this diagnosed?

Can you email his Head of Year and talk to them?

lorisparkle · 09/12/2023 21:11

I found having an 'adult' chat with my older teens worked better (both ASD). We talked about my expectations, their ambitions, etc and then how to make it all work. Ds1 is very academically ambitious and recognised that he needs to go to bed at a reasonable time so he has no limits on screen time. Ds2 recognised that he struggles with setting his own limits as he also has ADHD so we decided on what was reasonable together.

We found the book 'how to talk so teens will listen' really useful.

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