I think my dd10 is autistic

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Just as the title says, I have suspected it for a while but she is very high functioning. I opened up to my husband who feels there no point in perusing a diagnosis as it won't achieve anything. I'm not sure how a diagnosis specifically would help to be honest, equally I don't want her to feel unsupported however Im not sure what support if any she would get? Has anyone been in this situation and can help me navigate this?

I would say get a diagnosis asap.

ASD girls have a habit of school refusal in secondary when it all gets too much for them ( bitter experience)

A diagnosis will help support an EHCP if she needs it. Dont leave her without a diagnosis for all your sakes.

It gets harder and harder for them to mask as they get older until they explode and crash out of school .
I cannot stress how important a diagnosis is.

Oh I totally have been there. It's always the DH that doesn't want a diagnosis, no idea why but 99% of the time it is. We eventually got DD diagnosed at 16 would have been so much better if it had happened earlier for school, home life exams everything. Anyway, do it, nothing to lose everything to gain (25% extra time in exams, greater understanding of why and what they are struggling with, their own understanding of themselves (a bit like dyslexics dealing they are ND not thick)). Your DH is the least important person in this decision..don't let some weird macho bullshit about having a child with a neurodivergence let him affect your DD

Hello I don't have personal experience of this but my friend does. Her DD wasn't diagnosed until secondary school. She may be fine day to day but as she gets older and into more pressurised situations there will be more support available. High school is such a big change you should absolutely access any support you are eligible for. I would suggest speaking to your school in the first instance about how to get a diagnosis. Sorry I don't really have much knowledge on the process but in my view I would definitely be looking to get an assessment. Good luck.

Not quite the same but my own DD has 'dyslexic tendencies' she was fine really, coping, but pushing for an assessment and getting just that little bit more support has made such a difference & her confidence has changed so much.

My DD is 13 and we're pursuing a diagnosis even though she is high functioning. We had lots of discussions with her doctor about it and it opens doors, doesn't close them. I am probably ASD as well and realized this through figuring out DD. Tony Attwood is a doctor who specializes in ASD girls and has some youtube videos up, he explains how different it is for females and how the diagnostic criteria is based on research only done on boys. It's really effed up and important for you to understand as her mother. I went through a lot of suffering because I didn't have a diagnosis so I would recommend it to anyone who can at an earlier age.

Don’t leave it, get her assessed.

Things got so much better once my daughter was diagnosed. She understood herself better and was much happier. We found school much more helpful once she was diagnosed and it supported getting an EHCP. As parents, we were able to get advice and do lots of reading on how to be the parents she needed. It’s all been very positive since diagnosis.

I'd also say pursue it.

DD was the same age when I started looking at Autism. The friendship issues, the massive meltdowns at home ...

The Husband said it was bad behaviour and hormones.

The more I read, the more I realised she was Autistic and I was too.

It was too late for me, but luckily I was able to get a private assessment for her and 'ding ding' Autism. Just in time for starting high school.

I won't lie, we've had zero support because she doesn't display anything in school, but it helps with understanding at home.

I'd also recommend getting a diagnosis and HIGHLY recommend making sure you do your research on secondary school choices and how good their SEN provision is. Speak to parents of kids that go to the schools if possible because their policies won't always match up to the reality. Be sure the school will accept your dd likely has SEN even if undiagnosed at that point. I speak from exceptionally bitter experience (mother of high functioning dd who now doesn't go to school at all...)

Could have written this myself. Just had a diagnosis for DD at age 12

Hi, Diagnosis might not make loads of practical difference in terms of support as it can be pretty threadbare in schools and getting an EHCP is tricky but it will mean that any support that does exist is more likely to be accessible and she can understand herself better and you can start to understand her a bit better too. There’s really no downside. Good luck!

As they get older and enter the stormy waters of secondary, adolescence, friendships and GCSE they struggle more and more.

Girls keep it inside, so it appears they are coping, but their brain eventually becomes exhausted from ‘coping’

My y12 dd crashed out of school in August. Was struggling to talk and lost the ability to read. She’s still exhausted now. Getting better, but no where well enough for school. And she refuses to go back as they basically ignored her ASD.

Look at the Autistic Gitls Nrtwork. Dont make the assumption she’ll ’grow out of it’ or cope with it. Because she probably won’t. She will need a lot of support at some stage in her academic career even if she is bright and able. And autistic girls usually are.

Mine doesn’t either. She wanted to but couldn’t go .

As someone who has only been diagnosed in my late thirties, I would urge you to look into this now. Not knowing earlier in life has made things much harder for me.

The documentary Christine McGuinness made earlier this year about this is excellent:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001k31t/christine-mcguinness-unmasking-my-autism

Knowing has to be better than not knowing imo. How you use the info once you have it is flexible.

My daughter is just turned 9 and has been very recently diagnosed.
We won the postcode lottery essentially and whilst expecting 18 month - 2 year wait we've gone right through diagnosis on NHS In about 6-7 months.
Consultant we saw was delighted that he'd got to see her when she was still this age because he said so many girls cope with primary school by masking/adapting themselves & then fall apart when they hit secondary with the size/noise/chaos/constant demands.

I'm still figuring out how best to support dd now we have an official diagnosis which tbh is no different to before at the moment but we'll see.

Many thanks for all your replies. Would I go to the GP for a referral for assessment? this is all new to me and I think they will ask me why I think she is autistic and its really hard to explain, no meltdowns, is an extremely well behaved girl and always has been, but I think this is one of the factors that makes me think she could be.

Tick all the points on here.

Girls mask so it can be hard to spot. Do not let GP talk you out of it

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

Thank you so much for this so useful and allows me to describe the details of why I feel she could be autistic

Tell the Gp that was a white paper done in conjunction with the Gead of Limosfield Grange which is an outstanding school for ASD girls.

We did referral via the GP with a letter from school -apparently although school can now refer directly in our area success rates are lower from school than gp according to SENCO