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Neighbour and his kid

5 replies

Jmuc · 06/12/2023 17:25

Hi, I'd really like a parent's perspective please as I'm not one myself yet and know no others. Also feel a bit helpless really. Sorry this is long but just want to get it out.

Man next door is a single parent to a 5 year old girl. Mum isn't in her life. Me and my partner when we first moved in (staggered as we decorated for about 4 months) tried to wave at him etc but he didn't seem bothered, and now it feels like too much time has passed, so we haven't formally met.

When he is on his own (as opposed when her grandma, aunt or anyone really visits), he shouts at her nearly everyday. He's really gone for the "if you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about" style of parenting. I understand some shouting must be necessary to parent, but at least once a week (usually more) it escalates to threats (that are not followed through as far as I can hear), just makes her cry for ages. A common one is shouting at her to be quiet, threatening to do xyz if she doesn't be quiet, which of course makes her cry. It makes no sense to me. I think he has an anger problem, but he must hold it in when others are round because it's always calmer, which also makes me think that he knows it's not right.

I did report to the council a few months ago with my concerns and I believe they made contact with school, so hopefully they're aware and will keep an eye out.

He's just now started using us a threat which I'm not too pleased about, saying we ("the neighbours") are going to take her away because she's being too loud for crying/screaming. Loudness that was caused by him shouting at her in the first place. "Shut up or I'm gonna walk you round next door", is what I heard today amoung other things, not just once either. I don't think it's from my report just coincidence. I do feel bad because maybe if we'd made more of an effort to say hello, it this wouldn't be a new source of terror for her.

Is there anything more I can do? My heart just breaks for her sometimes, but feel like I've got no right to interfere, really. Thanks for reading was just good to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Jmuc · 06/12/2023 17:31

Also should say I have been making a note when I hear something nasty through the wall, hopefully that's the right thing to do? Ty

OP posts:
FatFatMary · 06/12/2023 17:33

Just sounds like the dad isn’t coping and you unfortunately your noise complaint has made the situation worse, as the whole thing seems to be about him being paranoid about the noise his daughter makes/ doesn’t want attention from neighbours. I don’t blame you for not knowing how to handle the situation though

IVFbeenverylucky · 06/12/2023 21:50

I would record some of the stuff on your phone. Defo contact social services again - they may have closed the first case following your referral, if they even opened one. Also, if it continues, think about contacting the police too.

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BurbageBrook · 06/12/2023 21:53

I'd refer to SS OP. He clearly needs support and it's not right for any child to be treated like this.

BurbageBrook · 06/12/2023 21:54

It doesn't sound like the poor girl is getting any loving care/affection.

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