When you feel uncomfortable with other people's parenting

[ChristmasKracker]

I've name changed for this because I anticipate an onslaught for being grossly unreasonable for making anyone else's parenting my business. However, please at least put my concern in the context in which I'm asking.

I attend a toddler group with my DC. There is another boy who attends who I know is under 2. From what I've observed over a few months, he seems like a lovely, friendly little boy. I've never seen him wrestling for a toy with any of the other children or in any way become physically frustrated with them. In fact, all I ever see him do if he's not playing by himself is want to hug/be affectionate to other children, which I've also never witnessed any of the other children to reject.

The caregiver who brings him however, must shout at him at least 10 if not more times in a 2 hour period. Sometimes it's literally for being "too close" to another child (even though the child he is close to doesn't seem bothered in the slightest). Toys are snatched out of his hand by his caregiver if he goes to play with something after another child has walked away from said toy and he is reprimanded for "taking other's toys". Today he was running around and accidently ran into another running toddler; he was subsequently dragged (again, quite literally) away and when he expressed upset at this, he was shouted at, dragged into a corner and told to stay there facing the wall. I've witnessed him be slapped on the bum before at the group too.

Whilst he is not my child and the way in which he is parented is none of my business, it really does upset me the way in which he is treated. I don't intend on saying anything to the caregiver as frankly they intimidate me and as I opened with, I understand it's none of my business. I'm just not sure how to shake the feelings it brings up in me when I witness this on a weekly basis.

Generally asking for advice on how to deal with my own feelings around this as opposed to how to get involved.

Thanks.

I'm no help as just reading your OP made me feel sad for the little boy.
Hopefully someone will come along with actual advice

There are times when I cringe at what another parent says in a moment and I'm sure they cringe at somethings I say and do too. No one gets it right all the time and also we all have about how we would handle a situation but at the end of the day I don't leave the session with any lasting impressions of their parenting.

Your description makes me my heart hurt. Are there any facilitators you could share your concerns with and see if they have noticed anything? It's a tricky situation in seeing a tiny snapshot of someone's life without the details that would say if this was reflective of their home life and if it is the details to make a difference. My mum used to hold us to very high standards outside of the house. She was a single parent to my older sister in the 80s and never lost the feeling of being judged for her parenting.

I'd feel the exact same way you do. How sad for that little boy. Imagine making a less than 2 year old stand in the corner facing the wall...defies belief.

Not really sure what you can do in these circumstances to be honest. .wish I knew.

I feel sad for the little boy too. I would have a chat with the leader of the toddler group and see if they've made similar observations.
It could be the caregiver is under a great deal of stress and is not coping. Either way, the little boy deserves better.

I think some parents (and I am guilty of this although to nowhere near the same extent) can tense up when out and about and become very anxious about being judged. I’ve got a lot better at this lately, mostly because I know I’m not doing that bad a job.

It is possible to report but unlikely anything would happen as a result. You might have a better outcome by trying to bring her on side a bit, which I know isn’t comfortable if she’s intimidating! But you do often get more bees with honey than vinegar as the saying goes.

I've seen that kind of thing at playgroups before, a child being chastised over and over for perfectly normal, if not better than average, behaviour, and it's really upsetting. I just wanted to say 'leave the poor boy alone!'. In that case I knew it was a caregiver rather than parent from various interactions they had, but as I only saw the boy there I had no idea who his parents were. But I'd hate to think I was leaving my child in that kind of care without realising. I would praise him and engage him and the caregiver but it's hard to know what to do.