A year in and still no friends

[Elodieboop]

Is this normal, to be a year into motherhood and still have zero mum friends. I attend baby groups when I can and have met people I say hello to, and chat to a little when I'm there but that's where it ends.
I hear them all talking about group chats and meeting up socially with their babies so I really feel like the odd one out and it's getting me down.
I've always struggled to make friends but kind of assumed having something like a similar age baby in common might kick start things when I met people.
I've just returned to work full time so I'm now going to be more limited with the opportunities I get to interact with other parents which makes me think my chance to make friendships is done.

you're waiting for them to make the first move but actually you need to be proactive and get the ball rolling. So ask two or three people individually if they are free to meet up for coffee, exchange numbers and you take the lead in finalising times and locations. Once you’ve done it once, quickly organise another meet up with them

What is it that you struggle with in friendships in general?

I've never been able to make friends at baby groups either OP- someone on a different thread here said something helpful a while back that stuck with me and made me feel better, ie its only people who are very extrovert and/or have amazing social skills who make friends at those groups. Ive fared much better with NCT- have you got an NCT group you could connect with? Or ask in your neighbourhood WhatsApp if anyone fancies a playdate? Your chance isn't over, you can make friends with nursery mums and later school mums

If your LO is going to a nursery or child minder, you could cultivate other parents who use the same nursery/CM? Especially if the children are all likely to go to the same school.

I do find it hard to make friends at these groups, people are friendly but often meet ups don't happen much outside of the group. The easiest thing is probably to mention you might go for a coffee after the group and ask if anyone wants to join? Is there a local Facebook group for parents in your area, these do sometimes meet up

Maybe try the peanut app? People sign up to it because they actively want to make friends 🙂 It’s a bit like a dating app for parents! You can swipe left and right to match with people with your interests. Good luck!

There's luck involved as well as social skills. I also struggled to make mum friends: NCT group didn't click, and of the people I met at groups lots of people already had their own friends or were on second babies so not interested. It's like dating: you might have to speak to 100 mums to make one good friend.

I ended up becoming friendly with a sort of alpha mum who arranges loads of playdates and outings and as well as becoming her friend I met a couple of others through her.

I couldn't be her - I just don't have the social skills and personality - but I realised she would be a good person to befriend (I do actually like her, it's not totally cynical).

My daughter has just started school and I'm going through it all again, I hate it to be honest!

I’ve never had any mum friends. I suppose why would we be friends when the only thing we have in common is that we got knocked up at the same time?

I attended groups and stuff but basically got ignored. The other mums seemed to want to be friends with each other because they had more in common than just the date they happened to get impregnated. Take away our kids and we literally had nothing to talk about.

Nah not just you I didn’t make friends in Mat leave. I didn’t really care, a casual chitchat was sufficient enough to keep me sane.
I’ still have my own non mum friends- and my closest mum friend I made from my child’s nursery (bonded at a child’s birthday party). Less pressure on yourself- friendships come at random points.

When I had my first, I made friends with other first time mums at a library run baby group. One of the mums was very sociable and kind of railroaded the rest of us into meet ups (with and without babies). Fast forward to baby no.2, I found that the groups tended to be mums with more than one child with already established friendships and they weren't interested in making new friends. I found this quite a lonely experience compared to first time around (there's 7 years between my kids). It only really improved when my dd started nursery at 3, through her I made a few friends there and we'd have meet ups with the kids at the park. If I was you, I'd try some different toddler groups until you find like minded mums/dads or just know that it will get better as your child gets older.