My seven year old 7 refusing to go to school and refuses to sleep alone

[outnumberedbyboyss]

hi mums, i'm knew to this but just wanted to see if anyone has had any similar experiences with their kids. My 7 year old son bites his nails constantly, feels nervous and anxious when going into school and still needs me or my husband to lie with him until he goes to sleep. He can have meltdowns and go for 0 to 100 very quickly and is also still very emotional. For example his younger brother got stung by a wasp and when he heard this he cried as he felt so sorry for his brother. His teacher said she doesnt think he has autism, adhd or anything and in school he is around average in the class with reading and writing. Im just unsure if maybe i should be thinking of getting him assessed by a professional anyway. We lost a baby before he was born and a councellor had suggested this could be playing a part and making him anxious. He is in p4 and is learning about world war two at the minute and this seems to be making him anxious too. Does anyone else have any similar issues with their kids? and have any advice? i have no experience with autism or anything similar, im just worried incase im not doing enough for him. He says he wont sleep alone as he is scared of the dark. He also wont go anywhere with any other parents, friends parents for example. Also he wont go to birthday parties alone, someone has to stay in the room or else he wont go.

thanks in advance

My Dd wouldn’t sleep alone until she was 13.

She’s reused to go to school since April.

Diagnosed ASD a year ago

You need some form of ep assessment. That level of anxiety is not nt. Children do not present conditions the same and teachers should not diagnose or rule things out I'm not sure that I would go with anxiety over losing a baby before him having any impact unless that has affected how you have parented.

I think you should have him assessed just to know if there is any undiagnosed issue he needs support with. My niece has autism, is 12 and has had a similar experience.

My 6 year old is like this and has diagnoses of ASD and ADHD. Also, he masks at school, and it’s only since moving him to a school with very small class sizes that he feels able to be more himself there and they can see his anxieties.

My 12 year old has.ASD and is similar.

It's not simple separation anxiety for her, it's as though I'm her auxiliary aid and without me the world doesn't make sense.

Teachers are not psychologists or psychiatrists and I really wish they wouldn’t pretend they are.
He sounds like he has very high anxiety which often goes hand in hand with some type of neurodivergence.
I would definitely have him assessed as things often get much more difficult as demands increase with age.
unless you live in a fantastically well served area expect that you may need to access this privately if you want it done in a timely manner.
Diagnosis really does help as you can access information and services that may help. Diagnosis can also help your relationship with him hugely as you will have a much better understanding of the world from his point of view.

Oh it's one of those threads where OP posts slightly out-there child behaviour and everyone very authoritatively 'diagnoses' the child despite no professional qualifications or knowledge of the child in question. 🙄

Teachers are not psychologists or psychiatrists and I really wish they wouldn’t pretend they are.
He sounds like he has very high anxiety which often goes hand in hand with some type of neurodivergence.
The fucking irony of these two sentences side by side is staggering.

I don't think anyone has diagnosed him, more supporting OP in getting her concerns bottomed out by pursuing a diagnosis from a professional.

Most of us seem to be parents of ASD kids ourselves who've replied, so possibly have a modicum of insight into the situation, though not experts (and not claiming to be.)

If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. 100% agree only a professional can diagnose.

In our case we were told when DD was 3, 4 and again at 7 by schools senco that she wasn't autistic. At aged 11 she walked into her NHS appointment and was diagnosed by a neurodivergence consultant in 15 mins as it was by then so evident. Parental Niggles can often be based in truth.

My 7 year old is very similar. He has 22q11.2 deletion syndrome & dyspraxia. I suspect ADHD too. On waitlists to get him assessed. He suffers terrible with anxiety about school, particularly at nighttime, where he gets "anxious legs" as he calls it when his legs start shaking.
I would recommend getting a formal assessment, my son is fab at masking his issues in school too

Maybe we’re just talking from experience? We’ve got 4 dc. Only one showed this behaviour and was diagnosed.

Hi, I could have written this post about my 6 year old daughter! Strangely we also lost a baby before we had her and I did have more anxiety due to this! She sleeps in my bed and if she wakes up when I have gone downstairs, she will come down and cry until I take her back up and sit with her until she is back asleep again. She is starting to worry more about school, some days she will point blank refuse, and parties and she won't go to activities anymore apart from her favourite one which she will only do when I am by her side doing it. She has also developed a fear over foods and has gone from being a good eater, to being very particular over what she is eating/ how it's been prepared or presented, otherwise she says it makes her feel sick....she has started to see the ELSA at school but I'm not sure how much it's helping. I have been concerned about it being related to possible ASD but haven't really spoken to anyone about this...sorry, no advice but thought I would share as you are not alone!

DD slept with me until she was 10, diagnosed as autistic at 13. A large pregnancy pillow was a game changer, she can make it into a 'nest' around her and takes up the excess room in her bed

Teachers (particularly at Primary age) are not experts in autism, largely because many children aren't actually diagnosed until after that age and training in many areas of SEN is alot less than most parents think.

For autism a child has to struggle in three areas in a way that significantly impacts their life from a young age. You can find the diagnostic criteria if you search for ICD or DSM 5 and autism.

Autism or not, a trip to the GP to discuss your concerns is a good starting point.

My DS was similar.

And yes, he was diagnosed with ASD aged 13.

But ASD or not, your DS is experiencing more anxiety than is usual. All I can advise is that you meet his needs (DS was able to fall asleep alone by the time her went to high school) and don't try to force enjoying things that other children enjoy, etc. It's really OK to never want to go on a sleep over, or whatever.