Denying access to abusive father

[Survivor007]

My daughter’s father has terminal cancer and spent years physically and emotionally abusing me before I managed to get away. I have previously allowed him access to our daughter as I always feel guilty about him being poorly despite him still being awful to me and aggressive and not worried about who is watching.
Last two occasions he picked my daughter up and then switched his phone off and disappeared, I had to drive for 2 hours and call all known contacts to track her down and get her back. She was upset and he had clearly been traumatised by the situation and lord knows what he’d said to her (she’s only 6).
ive blocked him since then but he’s now contacting a family member begging for contact again guilt tripping me with his cancer etc. I don’t want the stress but I also know his days are numbered so should I let him see her or stick by my guns and keep him away?

This is a tricky one (purely because of the cancer diagnosis, as like you, I would feel guilty, even though you owe him
nothing!) if you do choose to let him see her, it has to be monitored, he cannot be left alone with her! Have you asked your daughter if she would like to see him again? Because if she doesn’t, then I would go with that and explain to him that she doesn’t want to see him due to the previous bad experience.

edit: re-reading your post and if he is still aggressive with you and making you feel unsafe and worry about your daughters wellbeing, then actually I’d walk away. He had his chance and took her away, traumatising both you and your daughter. He made his bed, now lie in it.

Thank you, yes he is still flipping between threatening me and then guilt tripping me by reminding me he’s dying.
my daughter wants to see him but since the last time he took her she’s been so unsettled and having angry outbursts. I just don’t know what he says to her when together to upset her. He says awful things about me to her and she gets so worried.

Terrified I’m going to harm her by letting her see him and terrified I’m going to harm her by not letting her…sigh.