Vasectomy/possible adoption

[mrschop]

We have two healthy children (DD 3 and DS 11 mths) and I strongly feel that I do not want to become pregnant again. Other contraceptive methods don't work for us, so we are considering a vasectomy.

When we've spoken to a couple of docs about it, they've thrown up their hands in horror and said we should wait as 'you never know what will happen'. For me, the thought of being preg again, and particularly going through childbirth, are not appealing. DH also feels like this and is happy to go ahead.

I feel happy, and very blessed, to have my two children. I also think that if we wanted to enlarge our family later on, we would consider adoption.

I'm from a large family, created through two families coming together: my mother died when I was five, leaving me and two brothers, and my father remarried my wonderful stepmum who brought us up with her two (older) boys.

I've always felt fortunate to have had a loving family around me, as things could have been very different. Regardless of the contraception issues I've mentioned, I do think that, if circumstances in the future allow, I'd like to offer a family environment to other children who don't otherwise have anyone to care for them, rather than go on having children the usual way.

Has anyone got experience of these issues? Especially combined! I know there are quite a few issues raised by this post, but I wanted some views on whether I am being unrealistic.

i have 2 DCs, 20mths and 4.5mths. I also don't want anymore biological kids, so DH has been for referral for the snip. The doctor made sure he knew about other contraceptive options, then put him on the list.

in maybe 3/4 years time, i'd like to consider adopting a child, or perhaps fostering, so you aren't alone.

I have to admit that two issues stand out here for me. One is that your DS is only 11 months old. When DD was 11 months I couldn't cope with the thought of being pregnancy again. I'm now pregnant again.
The other issue is that we have very severe fertility problems. We seriously considered adoption, but decided to go for (complicated) treatment instead. I know of very successful adoption stories, but I also personally know of two very sad stories, with very damaged children who have never recovered from their early life experiences and have turned against their adoptive parents.
The adoption board here will be able to give you far more practical information than me though.

Im totally with you! I wanted to adopt this time round but dh wanted to do the whole pregnancy and baby thing which was good for us because the first time around I was on my own until I met dh when dd1 was 6 months (shes now 8).
I felt terribly guilty for being pregnant though when theirs so many children that need a loving home. I wouldnt change dd2 for the world!! But I would like to think that one day we will adopt or foster. I would like to adopt an older child I think that would other wise be unlikely to find a pernament home.

We are in a similar situation.

However, my dh got the "You're only young, what if you're kids died or you got divorced" speech.

It really p*sses me off. What should we say?
"Oh yes I didn't think of that, we'd have to replace them"

Adoption is a fantastic idea if you feel you can love and care for more children further along the line.

Good luck to you!

Thanks for your replies. Bumdiddley, that is how I feel - were the worst to happen, I don't think having another baby would replace a lost child: if anything, it would make me more likely to adopt as at least some good might come to another child!

I'm not sure the argument about a divorced man wanting more children really washes for me - I think an unexpected pregnancy is probably (hopefully!) more likely than us getting divorced and DH wanting another family.

I know adoption has to be very carefully considered, and I won't take any steps along that path until my two are much older, but I wondered whether adoption was a reasonable answer, in my own mind, to the question of what if you decide you want more children later.

MrsTM - I do know what you mean about changing your mind about another pregnancy, but part of my thinking is based on the fact I had two very difficult deliveries. Both were emergencies, and while we feel fortunate both babies were OK, but we don't want to face that risk again.

It is nice to know that others think along similar lines - more to think about before the final decision Thanks again.

My hubby had the snip before my youngest turned one. He just knew that he did not want more children, and whilst part of me did, I had a horrendous birth and just cannot face going through that again (although I wouldn't have to I'd have to have a section), but it is taking me such a long time to get over the last birth - body still not right 16 months on, I just don't want to put my body through it again. We have said that when our children get older we will look at fostering - I fancy short to medium term fostering and we will take it from there.

Although my DD is only 16 months, now I have got my head around the fact DD has had the snip, I do actually feel kind of relieved that we're not having any more. I see friends with their babies and secretly think thank God I'm not going back there, it just looks so hard! Also, knowing that we're not having a third allows me to concentrate more on getting my life back. I'm planning things I want to do in the next few years, and am focusing more on me, rather than just being a mum - which has been my main focus for the last 5 years! I think whatever you decide, you come to terms with your decision, and you will look at in a positive light, after all if we had decided to have had a third, I'm sure I would have felt that would have been the right decision. I think so long as you make a well informed decision and you think about it, then you will make the right decision for you, because it will become the right decision iykwim!