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Parenting

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Struggling with my toddler

12 replies

mamaaamia · 02/12/2023 19:42

DS is 2 this month. He kicks off for me constantly it makes me so sad I’m worried he doesn’t like me, DH says anytime alone with him , he doesn’t kick off for him
he doesn’t for nursery

for me he’s like always riled up if I don’t do something quick enough or understand what he wants he rages

i feel like our days together he tantrums so much for me and I get sad at the end and it doesn’t help that im 35 weeks pregnant my emotions

but he’s saying ‘no’ to everything atm doing anything is so hard :( i know it’ll ease as he’s older and stuff but it’s such a tough stage im exhausted and just wish he wouldn’t tantrum as much for me :(

OP posts:
Cindy1802 · 02/12/2023 19:49

Firstly, It's just a phase. Everything toddlers and little ones go through is just a phase! My little boy is 2 and has just had a HORRIBLE phase, he was honestly unpleasant to be around. His sleeping also went to pot, so we were all knackered which just compounded the issue. However it lasted about 2 weeks and I am so pleased to say he's back to his normal self. Don't get me wrong he's always been quite hard work and demanding, but normally the good outweighs the challenging- but for this most recent phase there wasn't much good.

Secondly, remember you are his safe space. He will take all his frustrations out on you , you will always see him at his worst - take it as a compliment, he feels safe enough around you to express his extreme emotions. We had the same - our son was totally normal with nursery and my sister when babysitting for a full day, and then as soon as I walked back into the house he switched on his horrid mood and was tantruming over nothing within 10mins.

I'll also note that I am 39 weeks pregnant, so I do wonder if he was acting out for me out of uneasiness, knowing something is about to change but not quite understanding how. Could be the same for you...

But ultimately, stay strong, you'll get through this phase too!

Leafysuburb · 02/12/2023 19:50

It's so tough but he does not hate you, he feels safe to let it all out and be a stroppy git and that's how toddlers show love, unfortunately!

pinkfongg · 02/12/2023 19:50

OP I've had this with my DS at the same age. It was hard work and tbh I found that I was pretty stressed a lot of the time because of him. He also played nicer with my DH.
He's 4 this month so I'm 2 years ahead of you, but for the last year he's been so much better.
I found the age from 15 months to 3 pretty hard work, so I'm really sorry I'm not saying it'll be easier in a month or 2, it might be! But with my DS he was quite frustrated until about 3. But he wasn't like it all the time, just maybe 1/3 of the time. So hopefully you'll just have moments where he's difficult.
I guess there's no real advice I have but to try and stay calm (even though it's really hard), and just know it WILL get easier.

I have a 6 month old baby, so DS was a bit older when she arrived (3.5 years), but I found he actually really liked her and it gave him a form of amusement, so if you were worrying how he might be after the baby try not to because it will likely be okay!

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KCSIE · 02/12/2023 19:51

What does he tantrum about? Any triggers for his tantrums?

Kittylala · 02/12/2023 19:59

I scream back! Soon got the message!

mamaaamia · 02/12/2023 20:40

Thank you all for the replies :( I mean i really feel this behaviour started around when I was first pregnant and it’s recently it’s reaaaally peaking

its nice to know (a weird comfort haha) that his what feel like constant tantrums for me is because he feels he can unleash his emotions :)

So tantrum wise mainly just anything he doesn’t want to do - new nappy, get dressed. But also he will take me to the kitchen and ask for a banana or snack (he gets bananas but only 1 a day because he’s young he can’t just keep having them) I have to set my limits here as he’d just eat anything , he takes me in even after a meal (sometimes not all time) so I know he isn’t hungry? But then will tantrum for me
DH was alone with him last week as I was staying late at work, and said he’d do the same to him (done it way less) but when DH said no he just walked out????? So it’s a big difference but also nice to know some of you in same position as me where more kick offs for you than partners

I think I’m just feeling a bit extra deflated because I’m so worried about a 2nd kid and what I’ll do when she’s here I think if I wasn’t pregnant I wouldn’t be as emotional about it

OP posts:
KCSIE · 02/12/2023 21:41

My eldest kicks off for me and not for DH because I set boundaries and stick to them, I am consistent - I do what I say I'm going to do. Mine tests that with me. They test it with DH too but he doesn't remain consistent and 'rolls over' so to speak, avoiding the tantrum. Apparently it's me that Molly coddles 😂

Cindy1802 · 02/12/2023 21:57

I would also say pick your battles. I used to get annoyed when he was demanding food outside of meal time and then not eating at meal time. But now I just think, is it worth it? If he's eating a healthy snack outside of meal time, then so be it. It's not the end of the world, it saves a meltdown and a whole lot of stress for me. So I would question if its worth refusing a healthy snack?

And also give choices. If our little boy is kicking off about something, give him the choice of 2 options - it makes them feel like they have gained control back and they are deciding their own fate - while actually both choices work for you and you're still getting what you want!

mamaaamia · 03/12/2023 10:01

Any tips for this re:tantrums / snacks

so he just demands food constantly. We do give healthy snacks but he’d eat snacks and meals

we want to encourage healthy eating habits and also don’t want to just encourage he’ll get a snack every time he asks (which is just all the time when we’re in the house)

he’s a healthy weight and height for his age (91st centile both from what I measured) been in 2-3 years size pants since 22.5 months old, 18-24 months tops

so he’s healthy but he just will kick off if I don’t constantly get him something from our cupboard

akso we have an open plan downstairs (yay! lol)

so I this morning have give up and put some Hey Duggee on so my fat pregnant self can sit down and not deal with a kick off :(

OP posts:
KCSIE · 04/12/2023 10:17

mamaaamia · 03/12/2023 10:01

Any tips for this re:tantrums / snacks

so he just demands food constantly. We do give healthy snacks but he’d eat snacks and meals

we want to encourage healthy eating habits and also don’t want to just encourage he’ll get a snack every time he asks (which is just all the time when we’re in the house)

he’s a healthy weight and height for his age (91st centile both from what I measured) been in 2-3 years size pants since 22.5 months old, 18-24 months tops

so he’s healthy but he just will kick off if I don’t constantly get him something from our cupboard

akso we have an open plan downstairs (yay! lol)

so I this morning have give up and put some Hey Duggee on so my fat pregnant self can sit down and not deal with a kick off :(

Is he bored maybe? Mine will always demand more snacks when they're bored! Or how soon after breakfast is he asking for a snack? Maybe a more filling breakfast?

Get him to make / bake snacks with you? Then there is less time to tantrum or to constantly demand snacks because he's having fun making them. And get him involved in the clean up afterwards.

The oat/date/peanut/cocoa energy balls or 'poo balls' were easy to make, healthy and tasty - we used the What Mummy Makes recipes for baby bliss balls.

Banana pancakes

Baked egg cups - use a cutter to cut out a circle of tortilla, oil them lightly and use them to line a 12 hole cupcake tin, pour in whisked eggs and top with chopped veg herbs and cheese. Bake. They freeze well too, we call them egg cakes and because they come out a cake tin they get demolished pretty quick!

Puff pastry pinwheels make good snacks and freeze well too. Toddler can do the spreading and sprinkling. Pizza pinwheels, banana and Nutella pinwheels, apple and cinnamon, spinach ham and cheese...etc etc.

Apple slices with oat cakes and spread with a little peanut butter.

Small sandwich.

Mini breadsticks dipped in cream cheese.

Cubes of cheddar and some grapes.

Or...if you aren't feeling up to getting toddler involved with making snacks and can't be ar*ed yourself either/too tired, how about leaving a pot of snacks 'for the day' in an accessible place for him and when they're gone they are gone. He can then help himself and make choices himself and should in theory ask less because they're there and he xsn help himself (a selection pot so to speak, e.g a banana, orange segments, an apple, organix cheesy crackers, yo-yo bear, mini malt loaf, breadsticks, cheese cubes or whatever from the cupboard).

SErunner · 04/12/2023 11:01

Ditto pp - he sounds bored. Our daughters behaviour tanks when she's bored and the demands for anything and everything become wildly unreasonable 😂 maybe some more planned activities at home punctuated with easy trips out that aren't too much of a demand on you? Our daughter is much more pleasant when we're out and about so we're out every morning and every afternoon around nap times 🤦‍♀️

DuploTrain · 04/12/2023 11:07

My DS is 2.5 now but had this similar constantly asking for snacks phase around the same time. Thank god it’s eased now.

And no he wasn’t hungry because he didn’t want lunch, he wanted in his words “just snack”.

It will get better OP. Stick to not giving in to tantrums.

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