A thread for mums who are really struggling with small children.

[Naptrappedmummy]

How about it?

I have a reception aged child and a baby. I didn’t really struggle with DC1 so thought DC2 would be a good idea. Everyone told me 1-2 is easier than 0-1 and I believed them.

It’s so, so much harder. The baby has had a cold for 2 months and is awake 4 times a night sneezing and coughing. He was a good napper but is now starting to fight those as well and wakes up so much sooner than he used to. I have no help - DP’s parents are down the road but are quite old and frankly unsafe to look after them for any amount of time. We’ve had to sack off baby groups and playdates because every time he goes he picks up a cold. All we do is go for walks and play with his toys in the house. The days are so dull and long. He cries and whinges a lot if I put him down or leave the room.

Then it’s time to pick DC1 up from school, and an hour of sitting with them in the lounge waiting for DP to finish work upstairs. DC1 gets way too overexcited around the baby and needs constant supervision around him, I can’t leave them together alone at all.

Then DP takes over and I have a ‘break’ cooking dinner with the radio on. DC2 is weaning and of course makes a total mess as does DC1, lots of crying and fussing over who knows what. DC1 constantly knocks drinks over, wants whatever is on my plate and asks for other things (I don’t cave to these requests but the constant nagging drives me mad).

The baby is breastfed, won’t take a bottle and has CMPA so formula/bottles are not an option. I do all night wakings - DP offered and stayed in with him for a couple of nights but he just screams and screams until I come and pick him up. The crying wakes me up anyway even if I’m in another bedroom. No point both of us being exhausted.

I have had 1 evening out when a friend was staying locally (I’m not from round here and most of my friends are in a city a couple of hours away) but nothing otherwise. I can’t leave the baby overnight due to the feeding situation and we have no room for anyone to stay comfortably.

I had a night away booked with friends which was supposed to happen tonight but I’ve had to cancel as the baby is unwell and simply won’t take milk from anything apart from me. I had been so looking forward to it and told myself I would have him drinking from a cup or bottle by now but it just hasn’t happened. I feel so depressed, bored and jealous of people who have capable helpful grandparents or older children.

I adore my kids and would do anything for them but I feel so flat and down. I’m on the verge of tears constantly and wake up every day with dread in my stomach. I just want to feel like the old me again - wear something nice, have adults to talk to, have a change of scenery from this fucking house. I also feel guilty for thinking it.

Anyone else feeling this way? Fancy a moan thread?

Hi OP. I also have two small children (3yo and 11mo) and it is an immense struggle. 3yo DD is very hard work at the moment. She cannot seem to stop touching DS, rolling next to him, poking his cheeks, wrapping her arms round his neck…and it is exhausting. She has some really extreme tantrums with a lot of screaming. I find it much easier getting out of the house but unfortunately she is very unwilling to do so which makes it a real struggle. DS is at the age where he is crawling around and grabbing everything which is understandably frustrating for DD.

DH is also struggling with his mental health since having children. He should be starting therapy in the new year so fingers crossed. But it does often feel like I’m trudging on alone.

BUT it’s also wonderful and fulfilling and funny and gorgeous. And I also enjoy muttering ‘for fucks sake’ under my breath in particularly trying times.

My dcs were a similar age last year and I agree it's so much harder with 2 as there's more rushing around in the afternoons with the school run and getting both their dinners sorted etc. It's still quite busy although my youngest is a toddler now although at least they're a bit more independent. It does get better!

One thing that is nice about the age gap is that you have some time with just the baby while the eldest is in school. I put my eldest in some after school clubs (doing activities she likes like dance and drama) so that gives me a bit more time before I have to do school pickup. Are there clubs running at your son's school that he could attend? She also goes to some holiday camps which helps keep her busy during school holidays so I'm not dealing with both of them for long stretches.

I was quite lucky that my dcs have never suffered much with illness despite doing loads of baby groups and classes. For me they were a real saver and I'd find it impossible to cope with just walks and staying at home. You could still go out to other places like child friendly museums and libraries, where they can explore but not a group setting with other dc, they don't need to mix much with other dc but it's good for them to get-out and have a change of scenery. I could feel the cold in my bones when we went out today so I can't imagine going out for walks is much fun right now.

It's not unusual not to have time away from a baby when they're so young - we're a family where we don't really leave the dc to go out and I don't go out without my dc even now. But you should get some down time even just at home while your DH watches them, or be able to enjoy socialising with them coming along too (like having a brunch out or going out to visit Christmas attractions).

I started a 'crisis' style thread tonight because I was having a hideous evening with my toddler and it really helped. You are not alone!

Sounds like a really hard time for you, I have a 5 year old and 1.5 year old and it's amazing but constant / exhausting.

Sending love

My usually beautifully mannered eldest today in a totally innocent voice 'mummy is holy crap a bad thing to say?' 🤨😳pretty much set the tone for the day!

I'm holding my toddler now because sometimes she wakes 25664489 times an evening/ night. Going to try to put down again now. I need sleep!

My youngest is 2 and a half now and it has got so much better. She didn't sleep through until recently and I have been a broken woman for the last few years! I wouldn't do the baby stage again for any amount of money it's SO hard! It will get easier but it takes time. My youngest is a nursery refuser which means she is with me all the time so it's still hard but just in a different way!

@KylieKangaroo the baby stage is SO hard! I have so many truly awful memories from my DD's first year. A particularly bad one was pushing the buggy around the block having to hold onto the bars otherwise I'd have collapsed in the street. Too exhausted to walk ten mins without physically holding onto something. It really was a testing time. Sorry to hear u struggled too. Dd is a toddler now and life is much better.

It is so hard, holy crap a bad word haha! Bless your little one! I used to have to drive mine around in the car every night until she was about one. Definitely easier now although she's still in my bed!

Just popped on and saw all these replies! It’s nice not to feel alone although I also wouldn’t wish this stress on anyone…

I think I am depressed. I hate to say it but all I want to do is be alone, see my friends, go out for cocktails and do the things I used to do. I’m not getting any joy from the things I should be at the moment. We are putting the Christmas tree up later and all I can think about it the mess and tantrums that will happen when DD isn’t allowed to mess around with the lights or similar. I should be excited but I’m not. And the baby will just cry as he’s too little to join in but also hates watching from his bouncer. He isn’t crawling yet and seems frustrated and bored a lot of the time no matter how much I try to entertain him.

After school club is a no go as there have been some worrying allegations made against the company that runs it. She’s only 4 and I just don’t feel I can take the risk until the problem is sorted out.

DP does do an awful lot and I can’t complain about him at all. However he can drive and I can’t, so he ends up getting numerous breaks from the house running errands etc while I’m stuck here with the baby. For example he’s just taken the dog to the beach with DC1 but DC2 is flat out in his cot and his sleep is so bad I darent wake him. So I’m stuck here doing housework waiting for them to get back. I’ve got driving lessons and a test coming up but I’m so tired I’m worried I won’t be mentally up to it.

I have a 3 month countdown going in my head when I can stop breastfeeding, go back to work and at least have some change of scenery from the endless drudgery in this house. It doesn’t help that I hate the house, it is dark and poky with no room for anything and is constantly a mess no matter how much I try to keep it tidy.

How is everyone getting on?

The kids are currently eating toast and watching blippi. We had a good day but I'm so tired and dreading the night ahead. Dd wakes up so bloody much. This eve I've got to wash up, prepare for school next day and take out the bins and milk bottles. Last night it was a struggle just being able to brush my teeth and wash my face so I'm not looking forward to it.

@Naptrappedmummy you might be depressed but also you might just be totally exhausted? I get it with the house thing mine is always a mess and I've pretty much given up. A lot can change in 3 months and at least going back to work will give you a chance to breathe for a few hours!

@bakewellbride hope you have a better night tonight! I have only just sat down and equally exhausted so going to eat a bunch of crap now as my reward for getting through the day 😂

@bakewellbride Glad you had a good day. How many times does DD wake? DS woke 3 times last night, at the 5am wake he wouldn’t stop crying so DP came through and took him downstairs. My days feel about 22 hours long.

This evening was fine, by some miracle DS dropped off at 6.30 and has only just briefly woken and resettled. Im about to get into bed, hoping for a couple of hours before the next wake up at least.

@Naptrappedmummy are you sure you can't do any groups or play dates? This would have seriously tipped me over the edge. My youngest seemed to have colds a lot as a baby (Covid baby, so not exposed to much in the early months of her life), but when groups restarted it was so good for my mental health! I took her even with a cold. We'd never have gone anywhere otherwise. I'd definitely recommend doing something social, even if it's something like a buggy walk and a takeaway coffee with other parents.

Solidarity op. I have a reception aged child and a ten month old who never sleeps, and is constantly ill or teething (currently listening to him cry now)
I'm absolutely bone, bone tired. Went back to work early just to get some respite from the school run-nap-lunch-nap-school run monotony of it all.
Work has at least mixed things up, though tireder than ever.
We can get through this right?

@Covidwoes i know but I just can’t. He had a 3 week cold and was waking every hour with a hacking cough and streaming eyes/nose poor lamb. Multiple GP appointments, an inhaler, he eventually recovered and 4 days later he caught another at baby group. I just can’t be sacrificing sleep for 2-3 weeks every time this happens. Also because we’ve booked and paid for a number of Xmas events and I’m worried he will pick something up. And if that happens, it will as usual be me staying put with him so DP can drive DD to the event and enjoy it with her while I’m stuck at home. Not his fault I should bloody learn to drive but it’s disheartening waving them off constantly to nice things while I stay home with a poorly baby.

@Cartrucktractor we have no choice sadly so we must do 😢

Is your little one at nursery or childminder? I’ve chosen childminder this time round purely from an infection control POV. I actually think I have a touch of light trauma from DD’s first 2 winters, the thought of going back to that brings me out in a cold sweat

How are you all getting on? I’m having a shit day. DS woke constantly last night and screamed from 3-4am. DD then woke at 5am with a temperature and is off school unwell today. I feel like my entire life is listening to screaming, trying to get the baby to nap, and plying both of them with calpol/saline spray/vicks/teething medicines because they’re constantly unwell. I just feel so depressed like life is going on around me while I’m stuck in all day staring at the same 4 walls and going mad. I hate seeing my kids ill and no doubt there will be no sleep again tonight for any of us.

Hey!!! This was me last winter!!!! I tripped over and really hurt my foot I’d hoped I’d broken it so I could a. Go to hospital ALONE for a bit b. Thought someone will HAVE to help me if I’ve brown my foot! My husband was completely un phased by my foot and I just hoed around for a couple of days until the swelling had gone down!
it’s the illnesses !!! My two have a blood disease so when catching colds ect they are ill and ill for weeks! We’ve ended up in hospital every winter. it’s the cabin fever that would send you mad without the children!
It gets better and this becomes a distant nightmare. I would suggest in your ‘break’ you have an actual break. ALONE. my fave was a walk with some quite intense music on I kind of rapped out my aggression/anger ! 🙈😂
Ive walked your shoes and I’m out the other side. I’ve had a lot of therapy though! I also like listening to asmr on YouTube , Calmoon she’s lovely just nice calm relaxing voice.
sending you a big ‘you’ve got this!’
also just want to share something that recently happened to me.
Out with the girls and basically discussing with them how horrendous things had been in the first year of having two dc. When your in the trenches and thinking to yourself I can’t do this it’s to much it’s just to hard. A girl to my left who has a 6 week old baby said to my friend who’s expecting a baby ‘It’s not that bad’
👀

Hi, my youngest's sleep isn't the best so I'm tired. I'm meant to be training for a half marathon and it's so much harder on broken sleep. A month ago I ran ten miles and came home so happy and energised. I did half of that yesterday and just came home and cried because it was so much harder and not enjoyable like it should be for me as I am very passionate about health and fitness.

Last week was really hard as dh worked loads and I had trouble with my eldest's behaviour. Did loads on my own. This week is much better but still tiring. Hope things look up for you soon op

Thanks for checking in. The baby's had 3 teeth come through in two days, so at least that explains the last couple of weeks of fuck all sleep.
OP I wonder if you'd be able to go back to work a bit sooner? It's the only thing saving my sanity currently, especially as I can work from home sometimes and just be in the house totally alone.
Otherwise, I've basically told myself to hold on til the spring. Spring will be better. Fewer illnesses, lighter nights, more sleep maybe?