Toddler and newborn adjustment help!

[TwoUnderTwitTwoo]

Looking for some advice/reassurance to manage toddler behaviour and help them with this transition to having a baby sibling.

I gave birth via C section 3 weeks ago to a gorgeous healthy DC2. My DC1 turns 2 next month. I have recovered well so far from the C section and in the meantime my husband has been doing all childcare and nursery runs for DC1. We have made a big fuss of DC1 throughout this time so that he still feels special and loved, and if both he and the baby are upset, then we try to prioritise the toddler (as that’s what books and an ex nanny advised). We were prepared for some behaviour regression and know that he’s getting into the “terrible twos” now as well, but just looking for some advice/reassurance from all of you!

DC1 has been in nursery FT for the last few weeks but is going back down to 4 days (mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri) next week. He’s been exhausted by the full weeks and I’m hoping that having Wednesdays at home will mean he’s better rested and better behaved. He gets home from nursery and all he wants to eat is pita bread or rice or plain pasta, though he eats well (and plenty!) at nursery. Won’t have anything very balanced for dinner.

Lots of screaming and tears as soon as he’s finished his dinner. Doesn’t want to wait for us and just begs his dad to play with him next door, then has a tantrum if there is any delay.

He suddenly hates bath time. He has lots of toys and used to really love bathing, but now he refuses a bath and if we put him in then he just stands there and cries, saying “all clean! All done!”

He has a clear preference for his dad. Lots of “no mummy no” and not wanting any cuddles. I think this is because he’s been a bit shocked by being warned off me while I was recovering and in pain, and I know it’s great he and DH have a good bond at a time like this, but I feel sad at the same time!

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this stage? His dad goes back to work next week, including frequent weekends at work, and I feel so nervous about trying to do nursery runs, dinners and family days together with DC1 and DC2 on my own. I just wish I could split myself in half and be there for both of them. Is this normal? Does it get better? Will DC1 be in a mood with me forever??

Congratulations on your new LO

I think it's perfectly normal to feel apprehensive when you realise that you've got 2 of them to manage and you're still recovering from the C-Section.

DS1's behaviour sounds so much like my DC1's behaviour when DC2 arrived. He also sounds exhausted. If he just wants plain pasta or outta for tea, I'd let him but maybe put a very small portion of something else in a bowl next to it, like grated cheese and halved grapes. It's upto him if he eats them but he may just pick some up if there's no pressure.

Have you got anything planned for Wednesday? I found it much better to manage 2 if DC1 was occupied. So we we used to do an activity each day, even if it was just the park and the library of going to the local Playgroup. My DC1 was so much better of we'd managed to get out in the mornings.