At what age would you let your lo go for tea at a friends house

[kbaby]

DD is in nursery school, she is 3.5 yrs old and has made friends with a little girl, ive chatted to her mum at parties etc althought dont really know here.
She asked if DD wanted to go with her DD to some out of school activity and I agreed, it involves going for tea and then to the playgroup, but ive been told by DD that the mum doesnt stay for the activity but drops them off and comes and gets them later.
Im not really comfortable with the idea.
I dont know if i am being too cautious or right to feel this way. I cant take DD as I am still in work so it means that DD couldnt go without the mum taking her.

Should I let DD go or not?
What would you do?

No, not acceptable for me. Happy to let mine go at that age, but not to be left. I would want the parent to stay.

Personally, I wouldn't; it's just that little bit too young IMO.

Mine used to go to friends' houses at 3. The whole group also were used to being left at parties etc at the same age.

Provided that the activity was appropriately supervised and in a safe environment, that DS [who is also 3.5] wanted to go, and that the mum was contactable should there be a problem, I would be happy with it.

It depends on your DD largely. It's not the same question as in your OP though. DD has two friends who she goes and plays with and has tea and I am quite happy with this. As you know DD is the same age as yours. The difference is that I do know and socialise with both Mums - DD and one of the little girls have had sleepovers even.

But I am not sure that DD (who is quite timid) would be happy being dropped at an activity like that. I have an arrangement with my friend that both our DDs go dancing so we take it in turns to take them - but we both always stay and watch when it is our week.

I think it is school age generally when they start to get dropped off more though, so she is not that far off that is she?

Too young for my lot I'm afraid. Even if they were keen to begin with, when it came to the crunch, they always wanted me to stay until about Y1 in school.

As early as I could possible persuade them to invite them. Mine are usually very very good with other people. It's just me and DH that have problems.

Hi Bozza,

It is supervised but I question what would they do if she fell and hurt herself how would the other mum know about it etc. I would always stay.
I would be a lot happier if it was within our circle of friends but unfortunetly they all have boys and DD's not too keen.

I worry about what this mum is saying to her. Its hard to explain but im afraid Of dd picking up bad habits or sayings.
I know DD was upset because she couldnt eat chocolate after the lesson and when I mentioned it to the mum she said well yes I told DD that she had been dancing so what was the point of eating chocolate and getting fat when she had exercised it all off.

Its not something that I wouldve said to DD.
I dont know if im being too over protective as surely her friends at school etc could also be saying things or doing stuff i wouldnt do.

Well I may have a slightly different perspective on it because DD is my second. Chocolate remark does seem odd, but I wouldn't worry about it in isolation. I am the same as you though, regarding if DD fell or was upset or whatever. I would be happy for my friend to comfort her and deal with whatever issue there was but not sure that it would be possible for the dancing teacher (with a class of young girls) to do the same.

And contrary to my opening sentence, I would probably have been happier leaving DS at that age than DD, because he was a more confident, self-reliant personality.

Unfortunately it is only going to get harder regarding conflicts between working and activities. DH is going to Germany on Sunday evening and while he is away I have to manage Beavers, football, artclub (lying here childminder will take him to this) and a birthday party at softplay for DD as well as working...

Tricky for you that your friends have boys - when they start polarising on activities. In our house we only have swimming that both DS and DD do.

could you have little friend and her mum over for a playdate and a cuppa one time beforehand, get to know the mum a bit better first?

i dont think you are no, I wouldnt do it before 5 unles I knew the parent really well.

Question not just about how well you know the Mum but also how well your DD knows her?

I didn't start leaving DD at parties/activities until some time during Reception, when other parents started doing the same. She started going to a friend's house for play dtes from reception age also, unless it was to the house of a firend whose arents I knew very well.

Every parent always stayed at parties and activities prior to reception age IME.

Thanks everyone,

I think ive made up my mind and I will say that DD doesnt want to go dancing anymore.

I dont know the mum that well and I know that DD doesnt feel comfortable being left either. If it was a friend of mine I would feel confident leaving her.

Maybe when shes older ill feel differently

Maybe wait until she is a bit older and then find a dance class that is held at the weekend?

TBH I am surprised that the teacher is happy for the children to be left. Ballet clothes are not that compatible with going to the toilet independently.

my charge had ehr first 'lunch date' at 2.11

however she was next door where her best friend lived and was completley happy with the mum next door etc, as the girls had pretty much grown up together...

if the child knows the other carer well enough (ie my 2 year old charge would be happy left with my nanny friend) then they are ok much longer...

my charge was left for an hour with my nanny friend aged 2 years 2 months.... again in a house that he had visited at least once / twice per week for every week of his life!