The word naughty

[jolene20]

I've just came accross an article that states calling a child naughty is as bad as smacking and I'm keen to hear others opinions.

DS is 2 and me and his dad have never really used the word with him, I couldn't remember the exact reasons but I remember an acquaintance of mine who is a teacher saying you shouldn't use that word anymore and that stuck in my mind even though I couldn't really remember why!

Yesterday a family member was looking after DS and was saying he has been quite naughty, he had been throwing things and doing things he was told not to and they told him off by saying that it was naughty. They are in their early 60's so I feel like this is possibly a generational thing. Basically after reading this article, I want to know whether I should bring this up next time they look after him, or whether that article is slightly ridiculous? Is this a banned word in your household/with grandparents? Keen for others thoughts!

Just tell them he won’t understand what they mean and it’s better to tell him why not to throw stuff/do the thing, and if he persists, remove the opportunity. Remove the thrown items/take him away from the thing.

Expecting a 2yr old to understand the word naughty and place moral value on it in order to change his behaviour is pointless.

I call the unwanted behaviour naughty, not my child himself, if that makes sense.

I couldn't remember the exact reasons
you don’t even know why you’ve banned the word, I don’t think it makes sense to tell other people not to use it too in that case.

fwiw I would describe the behaviour, not the child, but it sounds like that’s what they did.

These words only really cause harm if used persistently so I wouldn’t worry unless they do regular childcare. FWIW I think it is just as bad to call a child good. If a child is persistently told they are ‘good’ they may be very worried about keeping up this expectation.

Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything. The real objection is to labelling the child and it sounds like they didn’t do that (to the child) and in any case it’s not the word “naughty” that’s the issue but the labelling- saying “you are bad/unkind/silly” is just as harmful.

Calling behaviour naughty doesn’t add much as it really only conveys that it’s something you shouldn’t do, and you can convey that more easily by saying “don’t do X”. But it’s not terrible to describe behaviour as naughty. For the sake of not micromanaging your free childcare, I think I’d leave it. If you can’t remember what your objection is it probably isn’t that big 😂

If your MIL said it it's safe to say it's wrong! 🤣

I say "you are being naughty" rather than "you are a naughy boy"

I worked in childcare for 15 years and the word is naughty is a banned word!

Can you please explain why?

Will sit down properly once DS is in bed and read through the rest of the comments 😊

In a nutshell, It’s mostly around the labelling of a child. Behaviour in children is most often communication. There is always a reason for the behaviour they’re exhibiting. Don’t get me wrong, children have consequences for their behaviour but it’s because of that specific behaviour instead of them ‘being naughty’ and trying to actually figure out why they’ve pushed little Timmy over or why they’re saying no to instructions! Often young children don’t even know what it means, they just know it’s bad. It can damage children’s self esteem and often can form some self fulfilling prophecies!

Naughty is not helpful.

The behaviour you're describing is irritating to adults but it's not 'naughty'

To the child they are practising something, learning something- throwing builds strength in the arms, which is important for co-ordination and is necessary gross motor skills that will allow the development of fine motor skills such as writing.

The child needs to know that throwing can be done in certain situations with certain objects e.g You can throw the ball into this bucket, or you can throw outside

A child can understand the facial expressions and voice that shows that the adult is irritated by what they are doing. They do not have the ability to know why.

It's best to never label a child when they're in the process of finding out for themselves who they are.

Children have a hard time understanding the nuance of 'naughty behaviour' vs 'naughty little me'.

Labeling includes adjectives such as pretty, handsome, clever. Best to avoid altogether.

Praise effort, not the finished product. Make the effort to identify the thinking or some other quality that went into an activity - 'I like the way you spent time choosing the colours for the card you made', 'I like the way you helped in the supermarket', etc. Or better still, encourage the child to tell you what she or he likes best about the project they have just completed or about themselves.

If there has been a conflict and it has come to blows or destructive behaviour or a tantrum, remove the child from the scene of the crime and tell them you can't let them behave like that. Ask them to tell you when they're ready to try again (to play, to return to the supermarket/ library/ playgroup, etc).

The child can also be asked to help make good any destruction - putting the blocks/ books/ cars/ dollies back with your help, co-operation with being strapped into the trolley and letting mummy get the shopping done quickly, saying sorry and/or giving a hug or blowing a kiss to an injured party. Only to be tried if the child isn't at the end of their rope... Best to walk away and draw a line under it if you think you'll provoke world war 3 by your efforts to be gracious.

You can forestall poor behaviour by making sure the young child is rested, hydrated, and fed before you head out somewhere, and has had a chance to run around earlier if possible. You can also have a pep talk before you head into the place where the child caused a rumpus before, and make a deal, shaking hands on it. High fives for successfully navigating all the pitfalls afterwards, but no 'what a good boy you are!'

I think @mathanxiety has written some great posts. I try to praise effort rather than product but it’s definitely the thing I find the hardest.

DH has used the word naughty but not frequently and I don’t use it.

I don’t believe the word is wrong but how it is used. “We don’t throw things because it’s naughty and they may get broken” is fine in my opinion. But “you’re naught’ or worse just repeatedly shouting “naught” as I over heard when out and about the other day is not acceptable parenting. I guess banning the word is an easier way to stop people doing the later.