Worried about Toddler Behaviour & Eating Habits

[Lwizzer]

I didn't know where else to seek help and have been brushing this under the carpet as just "one of those phases" but I'm starting to get really worried.

My toddler is 2 years 9 months old. Still not speaking but his vocabulary is growing every day. Since about age 2 hes been a super fussy eater and it's only got worse and worse. He will only eat chicken nuggets (has to be McDonalds now used to be ok with all types), fruit and a little bit of porridge with a lot of encouragement. He used to love yoghurt but now rarely eats it. When we serve him what we have for lunch/dinner he won't even try it. I don't know how he's surviving and it's making me worry sick. We were referred to the dietician who saw him and wasn't too concerned because he seemed active, happy and within the expected height/weight for his age. Not wanting to eat isn't normal though?!

Now his behaviour ... I thought his tantrums and whinginess have been down to not being able to talk yet but I look at other children similar ages and younger and again his behaviour doesn't seem normal. Examples include:

1.) At soft play when the session ends, the other children will leave with no fuss made but my son will throw a tantrum and scream while we carry him out

2.) Out and about if he doesn't get his way or just in a bad mood he will throw himself on the floor and if I ask him to get up he only continues to lie down even more (this is particularly frustrating when we are somewhere filthy like on public transport)

3.) When walking he refuses to hold our hand most of the time and instead just darts off. He doesn't care if we walk off and doesn't listen when we ask him to come here. This makes me anxious taking him out without a stroller as I feel I can't keep him safe around traffic/others.

Sorry for the long post but I'm at my wits end and feel like I've utterly failed in raising him well. I wish I knew what I can do to help him.

This is from the NHS. I would be concerned and monitor closely. I’m sorry about this. It must be very hard.

Practically he needs reins if he's running off and has no sense of danger.

Did the Dietician talk to you about the possibility of ARFID and us he under SLT for the speech delay?

do you think his challenging behaviour might be because he’s hangry the whole time? Will he try pouches of puree like Ella’s Kitchen type? he might also really hate certain textures or combos (eg wet and dry food touching) but he can’t tell you yet so is getting frustrated. Would he eat something like just a handful of cheerios sprinkled on the high chair tray? (I’m sure you have tried all of this but just in case it’s helpful..)

It does sound really hard, does he have any external childcare like nursery? What do they say?

Lots of children go through the terrible twos and are frustrated when they can’t make themselves understood. It could turn out your little one is neuro diverse or it could be a developmental phase.

You could try giving a five minute, then two minute warning before the end of a session. If you’re worried they don’t understand words yet show them a timer and a picture of where you are going next - so you say and show them - in two minutes (when the timer rings) we are going on the bus. It might take a few times but it does work.

Regarding the food - how much milk is your little one drinking? Are they drinking lots overnight?

First of all you have absolutely not failed.

There probably is enough at play to make an appointment with your GP or health visitor for a socio-emotional development check up.

What do you mean by "Still not speaking but his vocabulary is growing every day." ? As in his spoken vocabulary or the words that he understands/responds to? Does he speak at all or just not in sentences?

Please try not to worry, getting information will help you to understand and help him.

Thank you everyone for your kind responses it really does help ❤️

We were referred to Audiologist for the speech delay which turned out fine but have a follow up in a few weeks. Not yet referred to a speech therapist but I'll definitely follow that up as sounds like he needs it. ARFID wasn't mentioned but it sounds like a possibility.

Absolutely I think his behaviour is down to being hangry, I notice when he does eat well (which isn't often) he's an absolute delight. As a result I just don't understand why he doesn't eat, it should be a positive experience? We've tried pouches and he will sometimes have the fruit/yoghurt pouches but not the savoury ones (which he used to love as a baby). Cereal is hit and miss, but he does have porridge with encouragement. Milk intake he still has a serving in the evening before bed and sometimes in the morning. Health visitor advised to add multivitamin to his milk which we do.

By the vocabulary I mean his words are increasing everyday and sometimes strings two together but not speaking in sentences. He does go to nursery one day a week and no concerns raised about his behaviour. They say he doesn't eat the main meals but will often eat finger foods and almost always the dessert (fruits, yoghurt, crumble, upside down cake etc).

The timer idea is good and I'll definitely try that. We do that in terms of giving him a heads up 5 minutes before bath time and bed time and it does work.

I will get in contact with my GP and health visitor again, fingers crossed he gets the support he needs 🤞

The first two examples you give of his behaviour sound like my DD when she's hungry, so I'd not worry too much about that as once diet is sorted this should also be resolved. Number 3 also doesn't sound that unusual, a pp suggested reins which could work.

Have you tried just putting a plate of cut up fruit and veg or other snacks out when he's playing? Kids tend to absently help themselves when it's there and there's less of a spotlight on them to eat.

Also, and I appreciate this isn't the best approach long term, but does he have any screen time? My DD has 20-30 mins some days and if I put a bowl of broccoli and carrots on her lap while she watches, she'll usually eat the whole thing whereas if I were to give it at the actual meal time she only has a couple of pieces. Obv don't want to encourage mindless snacking for the future but we only do this once or twice a week with veg, and in your situation any extra nutrition will help.

Thank you @Housenoob that does give me some comfort and hope that it might be a phase 🤞

Yes we do offer him up carrot sticks and fruit in-between meals which we pop on his table in the lounge. He does tend to snack on them throughout the day here and there. Regarding screen time we have really cut down on this in the past year but I do find he eats so much better when he's watching something he likes. We do use the screen when we are desperate for him to eat something.

I'm making a diary of his behaviour and eating habits so that when we eventually get an appointment with the HV or GP we can articulate what's been going on.

We are currently in Austria with my in-laws and our toddler has been going through a really challenging phase again (lots of screaming and tantrums which seemed to coincide with us arriving here, he was fine before this). I'm so embarrassed that my father in law suggested that we see a child psychologist because his frustration and tantrums are so intense. Currently hiding away in tears. It's so hard.

I'm sorry, that sounds hard.

FWIW I'm in Germany, and perhaps Austria is similar in this regard - seeing a child psychologist would be a fairly normal thing to do with any concerns of this nature, a bit like in the UK you'd go to a health visitor. I know that in the UK a child psychologist conjures up visions of severely disturbed or mentally ill children, so just to say that he probably has not meant this in the way that you might have heard it. I also think there is a cultural difference in that in the UK it would be so overstepping to ever suggest anyone else's child do this, to the point you'd only say something like that in a dire, extreme case, but in German speaking culture it seems to be a bit more say what you see.

It is quite normal for children who are sensitive to struggle much more than usual when their routine and environmental cues are disrupted. The excitement of Christmas as well makes a lot of children go nuts. I'm sure things will calm down when you're back home in your familiar setting and routines. But do make the appointment with your health visitor if you want to talk about things.

I'm sure you've tried this, but my toddler will often only eat if I let him hold my phone and watch really awful YouTube cartoons (buster bus etc.) 2cm from his eyes. It's terrible but as you say, a hungry toddler is worse than 10 minutes of phone time. (Normal tv doesn't seem to work unfortunately,!)

If he's holding the phone that close, has he had his eyes tested? Only asking as DD would sit really closely to the TV until she got glasses.