Logistics of 2?

[jewellyette]

Currently have DD, just turned 2. Due another DC in February, so will be almost 2.5 years between them.

DH works away a lot, and I'm just reflecting on bedtime and routines, and generally wondering how folk manage the logistics of 2 small DC when they're alone?!

DD is a good little thing, but we do story at bedtime and she falls asleep in my arms, then transfer to cot. She also does wake through the night and comes in beside me.

Assume I should be trying to change some of our routines in advance of baby coming - at least try to phase out her ending up in bed with me, as I won't be able to leave her there to do night feeds etc as will be needed?

Any good tips of routine changes to try to implement pre-arrival that might make life easier?

Or tips of how to manage with 2 littles at once, solo?

I'd tackle her coming into your bed first OP, that's one thing that should help you the most

When my husband is away I bedshare with my baby and toddler. The white noise generally stops the baby waking the toddler.

I tandem feed and in those early weeks I'd be feeding them both one after another for hours at bedtime until one of them fell asleep! Special feeding only toys and books can help toddler not feel pushed out.

Yes I'd also tackle her getting in bed with you. You will just need to be 100% consistent with taking her back to her bed each time she does it. You don't want to be dealing with that with a newborn as well. Settling her off to sleep is less of an issue I'd say, unless it is only you that puts her to bed? I'd start getting your partner to do that as well so you can alternate when newborn needs feeding at bedtime etc.

I personally would really be working up to getting your daughter to fall asleep on her own in the cot, so still do story, let her get sleepy, then transfer and rub her back or hold her hand or whatever over the course of a few weeks, and little steps from there. Also I’d be returning her to her own bed sharpish if she appeared in mine in the night. That way she’ll be used to it (or more used to it anyway) before baby comes along and will feel less displaced with any luck. If you’re going to be on your own a lot, you need to make life as easy as possible… as much as you can anyway!
Congratulations and best of luck!

Another vote for getting her to fall asleep independently. We always lay with DS1 whilst he fell asleep (thankfully he never leaves his own bed when asleep). As lovely as that was, it was impossible when a newborn was thrown into the mix on my own. Bedtime with two became pretty straightforward when I could leave him awake to go to sleep. I wish we had tackled it before the baby was here as it made life unnecessarily stressful and unfair on DS1 leaving it until after.

As others have said, I'd work on getting your daughter to go to sleep by herself. My husband works shifts so I have to be able to do bedtimes etc on my own too. When my second was very young, I just put her into a sling for most of bedtime, then gave her a feed while we read our bedtime story.

Anything else you can get your daughter to do by herself is really helpful, e.g. putting on socks, pants, trousers, climbing into her chair/ high chair at the dinner table, fetching her pyjamas.

Remember that you don't have to do a daily bath!

Hey, I have 2 under 2 and our toddler still comes in our bed at night when she wakes up. Some may frown at this but personally I think it's easier having her right there so I can handle them both without going from room to room. Especially as my husband worked nights and I was by myself.

Chances are your toddler may get very clingy when the baby gets there and although it won't last long maybe just keep their routine the same for a while 🤷‍♀️ if it's not bothering you.

It's going to be a big shift in your family when the baby gets there but don't sweat the small stuff. A routine will establish itself and everyone will just adapt. After all, you don't know your babies routine before they are here so you might not need to change much.

Get yourself a bedroom baby gate and a bed rail so if you do need to leave the room to settle the baby your toddler is safe and can't fall out of bed or stairs etc if you do have to leave the room.

We worked on DS being able to fall asleep independently before DD was born. Usually my husband helped with bedtime until DD was bigger (when we would alternate nights), but if he wasn’t there I would read to DS while feeding/cuddling DD, popping her in her cot for a minute while I cuddled him and said goodnight. Because we had stopped sitting with him while he slept, it was manageable to give him 5 minutes of focused attention to tuck him in.

It seems impossible before the baby comes, but you will manage and you will fall into your own routine.

How long are you thinking of keeping her in the cot? You could move her into a single bed with a rail, or just the mattress on the floor. Then you will be able to lie beside her to read a story and get her to sleep.

That will free up the cot for later too. Obviously it’s best to have this done before new baby arrives.

its tough, especially at the beginning. But when a routine began to emerge, I tried to keep DC2 15 mins ahead of DC1 during the bedtime routine. I made peace with the fact that being on my own, DC1 would get to watch a bit of TV to keep her occupied and out of the road while I settled the baby. Then I always made sure she got her one on one snuggles and stories as always after baby was asleep.

Also think about whether or when she might be ready for potty training - I only say this as we had a very similar gap and ended up potty training my 2yo when baby was 6 weeks! That was forced on us as she basically decided no more nappies and started taking them off, but the logistics of feeding a baby who's just latched properly when 2yo decides "I need a wee NOW" in the first weeks of potty training are pretty stressful! So if you feel like she might be ready maybe think about doing it in Jan/Feb - will be horrible whilst heavily pregnant but no so bad as with a newborn!