Am I in the wrong?

[Seaturtle25]

My wife and I have been together 15yrs and have two beautiful daughters, 10 & 15. We also have many animals and are very fortunate to live in a beautiful house in the countryside. We both work full time in busy careers to be able to afford this, and as far as I’m concerned, we share the housework and parenting and this is my dilemma… I work 5 days a week, my wife 4.

I spend over 10hrs each week solely doing the school run, my wife does the laundry, we share the cooking (although I admit she does more than me) and then we share the animal feeding and cleaning etc. and I take care of any property maintenance - yet I’m constantly in trouble for not doing enough around the house…

Whenever the wife kicks off, I stupidly mention the 10hrs of school run I undertake (including the two days midweek that she doesn’t work, when I still have to do the school run despite having to move meetings to accommodate) and the fact I spend most Saturdays, when she is at work, maintaining the house (9hrs this weekend fixing pig fencing and putting new flooring down for example)

Am I being unreasonable not picking up more of the housework despite feeling like I do more than my fair share..? This isn’t a blue job / pink job issue - we both do our fair share of each - I’m just sick of being shouted at for not doing enough, when, especially from a timescale perspective, I certainly undertake more…

is the school in the direction of your work where you would be driving anyway? How far does your wife have to drive to get to work?

I work from home - one of the schools is 20mins away and the other only 10 - my wife works 3mins drive from the house (I know we are very lucky) which could be via the second school if she decided to drive that route…

So - it’s an hour round trip 😬

You are a man posting on mums net looking for support.
What do you expect other than a flaming?

😂

The wife is always right! Accept that and live a peaceful life 😂

How many hours of leisure time do you each have per week?

I stop reading when I see "the wife."

Do better.

I feel like you've plucked out a detail that makes it seem like you do more because of the school run but you haven't mentioned the break down or the timings of how much you each spend on cooking and cleaning. You've said she does more cooking but not mentioned how much time that takes.

Do you have equal leisure time, not working, doing chores, looking after DC?

Also is about the "mental old" she manages all the thinking of the shopping/cooking/meal planning/ensuring laundry is down on time/DC appointments etc etc?

Who does:

the laundry
shopping
empty the dishwasher
empty the bins
sort the recycling
buys the birthday/Christmas gifts and cards
Dental/dr visits
changes the bedding
irons the uniforms
makes packed lunches

Honestly, its about leisure time. That should be equal. Leisure time, not with kids/doing chores/planning/working etc, simply "me time". That should be equal

You say "the wife kicks off," what does she kick off about?

Don't go down the rabbit hole of trying to justify a feeling, this is not about who does what it's about how you feel and how your connection is. Try to work together to come up with something maybe do things together rather than separately, it's not the aim to become more efficient, why not cook together or whatever.
You're probably both emerging from having young kids and wondering how to get yourselves back again and your relationship.
Good luck!

Sounds like she is unhappy and taking it out on you. Ask her to do some school runs.

Perhaps your wife could do the school runs on her days off. You also need to get some free leisure time together and have fun.

It might be useful to list everything that you do. Both of you. Do you see all the other does? What if you put time values on it? Not so much on each job, perhaps more on the hours of free time? How are you distributing? Is it on a time basis?

I just waffled actually, this is what I meant!