For those that didn’t enjoy baby stage, when did it get better for you?

[Zaphiera]

Literally as the title says. Please don’t judge me but I really really don’t enjoy babies, I’m 11 months in and still struggling. I know it’ll be amazing when she can walk and communicate a little bit instead of whining but I’m wondering when I’ll enjoy parenting a bit more. I’m hoping once summer hits, she’ll be 18 months and we’ll be slowly on the same page a little bit more.

For those that didn’t enjoy infancy, when did it really start to change for you?

I hated the baby stage, my DS was very full on and barely slept it nearly put me off having another one but waited till DS was 2.5 years before trying for another. There are 3.5 years between DS and DD. To me that was perfect as DS was sleeping through by then, potty trained, could get himself in a car seat, feed himself etc and going to nursery a couple of mornings a week. I don’t know how people do it with a small age gap with effectively 2 babies at different stages!

And my DD was a much easier baby than DS and actually slept!

I never thought I’d want another when DS1 was a baby. We did go on to have a second who’s now 4 months. He’s a much easier baby, but I still don’t enjoy it. I knew I wanted another child though and overall 12-18 months is actually a relatively small sacrifice to make to have that.

Equally being one and done is a completely valid option. As I said, we thought we were for ages.

And just to add we also had the luxury of time so have an age gap of just over 3 years. Couldn’t have coped with less.

For me, DS was about 3-4y. Less whingy, decent sense of humour, can have a proper conversation.
Every year I've liked him even more. He's nearly 16 now 😍

I didn't have another. Couldn't bear the thought of the baby stage again. Plus pregnancy made me very poorly physically and mentally!

My teenager is awesome!

I didn't enjoy the baby stage at all. I loved age 2 onwards (teenagers now, but not yet bolshy and monosyllabic!) Hang in there.

Fair enough if it's your first and you don't enjoy it , but to those who are saying that it doesn't get better til age 9..why the siblings or go through it at all then ?

Not intended judgy,
Just curious as to why have more
Kids and out yourselves though it ?

I'm currently expecting baby no.5.

I absolutely hated the first year with my first baby. I honestly thought that if this was my life now I would rather be dead. Looking back I must have had a bit of PND depression. Things got much better once she started walking and feeding herself and making me laugh, which was the tonic I needed.

When I found out we were expecting baby no.2 I was filled with dread. He turned out to be a bloody nightmare too! Far worse than our first. He really drove me to the brink of exhaustion and a breakdown I think. Things with him didn't get better for 2 years.

Imagine my horror when 2 years after his arrival I found out I was pregnant again. I became quite depressed at the thought of enduring the sleepless nights and relentless breastfeeding all over again. BUT she turned out to be the easiest baby ever. The first night home from the hospital she slept for 5 hours straight...quite unheard of, especially for a BF baby. From then on she was just a breeze.

Baby no.4 was much wanted, largely as a result of my experiences with the third. He's also been a walk in the park.

So I think it just depends on the baby and their temperament how easy the ride is. But also it gets easier with experience, when you stop sweating the small stuff and trying to be perfect and do it all. Take time to focus on yourself and your own well-being, and then everything else will hopefully fall in to place.

Because it doesn't last forever. Never a truer word was said than that the days are long but the years are short.

When you're some way out of the stage you're in now, it's possible to simultaneously remember how bloody awful it was but that in hindsight you also can't believe it passed so quickly when it really didn't feel like it at the time. I think it's because between years 2ish and 5ish they change so, so much. They do too between 0 and 2, but not in a way that's relatable to as an adult. Plus, they're still dependent on your for absolutely every little thing.

Once they're 5ish, and frankly out of your house and hair when they're at school, you regain a sense of yourself some more. It's easy to contextualise how shitty life can be when it's almost 100% focussed on one thing (your child). You get some balance back, and that makes even the worst times easier to handle. You get an inkling of this when they start going to nursery or pre-school for a few hours a day, and that's when you wonder if you should have another!

And then, once they start secondary school, it's possible to feel that you want time to stop with the very baby you wanted time to speed up for. You can't get enough of them and it's unspeakably sad that they're growing up so fast. The rate of change increases, time speeds up.

It's unfair to say "don't wish it away", that denies just how awful the early months and years can be. But the one element of that I do agree with is that if you wish it away you're also hurrying along the good years. For me, these good years are what I went through all that horrific time for. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if I could.

Small improvements at 12m (walking), then 18m (bit of talking), then 2, then at 2.5 I have really enjoyed him. We have very long chats about super random and weird things. It's amazing hearing what's going on in their heads!

@Zaphiera in answer to your question, I'm due DC2 soon and we did leave a 3 year age gap. I really couldn't have done a less gap than that.. but we wanted another despite how extremely difficult a newborn DC1 was in the hopes that the next one may be different! You just never know and I didnt want just the one child. Also I'm more experienced now so feel like I'll have a better handle on things this time round.. maybe! But glad we left it a couple of years as DC1 will be school age next year so I felt that would help also.

my first was fairly easy but the second was hard work.

as others have said, although it’s hard I knew we wanted the first to have a sibling. It was just hard graft in order to reap the benefits later

We started trying for our second a few months after my first child turned one. By then the hellish first months were over and I was actually starting to enjoy it. She'd become a little person (rather than a screaming baby) and I could clearly see that things would get better and better. My second baby was an absolute dream compared to my first. Also the baby stage with my second passed sooo quickly! One minute he was newborn, then he weaning, the he was a toddler. With my first it was like time seemed to stop. The most painfully slow year of my life.