Struggling.

[ImiO]

I am FTM to a 10 wk baby and I’m really struggling. Baby has really bad reflux, on gaviscon and is constantly screaming and crying. She is EBF and I’m really struggling to cope. Husband is at work all day and helpful during evenings and nights. Baby will only sleep on me for naps. She will sleep in cot at night but wakes up to be sick often. I’ve raised the cot, sat her upright for hours and hours and burped until my arms feel like they might fall off. I don’t have anyone who can come round to help me with anything. I just find myself crying when baby is crying. I hate that I can’t make things better for her.

Felt the same way with my son. Very similar situation. I have no words of help really, it’s tough. All you want to do is help them…

I promise you're making it as better as it can be by doing everything you're doing.

If the meds isn't working, back to the GP. Ask about omeprazole. It's stronger than gaviscon but still fine for baby. If you can get it on liquid even better.

This period I found the hardest, for another few weeks and then it got easier.

Get baby seen. Neither of you should have to put up with this x

This bit can be shit.

I'm guessing you've already been to the doctors for the reflux.

I don't have any constructive advice, I'm sorry. But I'm here if you need to have a vent. You probably have a sling, one of mine loved it and it meant I had my hands free to go for a wee or make a cuppa.

All I can advise is lower your standards. As long as you are both fed, then spend your days surviving. If that means you set up camp again in bed and snooze when baby does eventually fall asleep (safely of course). Try and get out for some fresh air every day, but again this time of year can be a bit grim, even if it's a walk to the shop for a pint of milk.

You just have to survive this bit, it does get better

@Gowlett i wouldn’t wish a reflux baby on my worst enemy :(. Thanks for your honesty. What got you through it? X

@SleepingStandingUp thank you so much. I asked the GP for it today and I can get it tomorrow. I’m scared of the side effects but I am so desperate I’ll try anything. x

@loveulotslikejellytots that is such a kind message, thank you.

I think you are right about lowering standards. People keep asking to visit / meet and i am running out of excuses. I feel like I should be in new baby bliss, but really I am crying every single day and as you say, just surviving. I feel so guilty.

Agree to the above. 10 weeks is a hard time in general so just be proud of everything you are achieving! Mine was the same with napping and he didn’t have reflux - you’re not alone on that one.

Each “bad” phase does come to an end eventually.
Just take a deep breath, make a cuppa and pat yourself on the back for getting through the day!
It will get easier!! You’re doing amazingly, especially with no external support!

You need Omeprazole for bad reflux. Ask your GP for it. Gaviscon won't touch the sides.

Missed update sorry. Side effects of reflux are worse than Omeprazole side effects so don't worry. Meds will help loads

Aw OP you're at a difficult stage here with your baby.
I really sympathise. It's hard work.

I have no words of wisdom other than to tell you that it'll pass, and your baby will start to be more settled. And don't expect too much of yourself. You're doing better than you think.

@ImiO you need to be honest with people. I think we put too much on ourselves with this whole bounce back crap. You have made a human, given birth to it and sustained it with very little sleep for the past 10 weeks.

If friends are asking to visit, be honest. Say, I'd love to see you but no one is sleeping, baby is grumpy and I really don't fancy visitors right now. Friends will understand. Some might be able to offer advice or been where you are.

Sorry to hear it. My son was like that too with colic so I sympathise. It was exhausing. It sounds like you could do with a break from it. If that isn't possible, then i wonder if you could try using earplugs for when the baby is acttually in front of you. It could help calm and focus you which will help your baby and help you fix the problem. I wonder if you could check with your doctor about trying smaller feeds? Or keeping things quiet and peaceful for the baby for awhile in a room with low light and soft music or even a few days until it improves, with less devices or noisy baby toys. If it's any consolation, with my son it improved the older and more active he got so hopefully it's a temporary phase. Best of luck

@BurbageBrook thank you 🥺
do you know if I should use it alongside gaviscon or ok on its own ?
the way my baby cries when I give gaviscon is so heartbreaking, worse than when she got her jabs. I’d rather stop it..

And not wanting to be all doom and gloom, but watch out for PND. It snuck up on me like a ninja around 12-14 weeks (just as we went into lock down in 2020. I'd also avoided visitors (apart from close family) because I wasn't feeling all shiny and blissful. But everyone thought I was fine, I'd not shared one bit about how I was feeling, not even to my own Mum. Upshot of that is I spent 3 months feeling so low and lonely (again, accelerated by lockdown I think) that it was hard to ask for help.

Not saying you have it, crying every day becomes kinda normal 😂 but as long as it's not a lingering, overwhelming feeling. Let people in a bit.

I wonder what is causing the reflux, have you tried to unpick that with the GP as well as medicate the symptom?

Agree, lower your standards. Adopt the word adequate. It's been an adequate day today. Aim to achieve one thing a day, simple things like 'take a shower' or 'empty the bin', - anything so you can say you have achieved what you wanted to do each day and then the day was adequate. Grow from there.

And try to get out the house every day for a walk. Fresh air does wonders!

Have you got a sling or carrier for baby?

Another thing to consider would be a milk allergy. My son was on bottles by 10 weeks. He was born a bit premature. I switched to cow and gate comfort at the time and it did wonders. There are drops you can get from the pharmacy too, that you can drop in the baby's milk to help with colic. Everything you're going through sounds pretty normal so remind yourself you're doing great

The people who want to visit - close friends? With kids? Let them come but say you're struggling and might want to make it a short visit.

Really, a trusted person visiting and giving reassurance can make a huge difference. No one will judge you for finding it hard, especially people who have had their own babies.

I found getting out of the house and seeing people helped, at baby groups or even just for a walk. Reminding myself that normal life was still going on. Seeing the trees change etc to reassure me time really was passing, even if it felt like groundhog day.

Ask gp about reflux and pnd. See if you can co sleep for naps so you get more of a rest too. Sounds naff but deep breathing and singing can help too. You can get in a stress spiral that your baby picks up on, deep breathing helps to stop the fight or flight signals.

It's really hard, but it does pass.

Biscuits. Though there was times I was stuck on the sofa, home alone, BF & couldn’t even get to the kettle. My house was a mess, as well. Used a sling around the house. Went out for walks with the baby carrier / pram. DS cried all the time.

At that stage small things like lying together, holding hands. Talking to him, just chatting. Bouncing him. Watching when he was at ease (not often). Thinking about the Fourth Trimester helped me. I considered myself to be in this zone for now.

@loveulotslikejellytots im so sorry about your PND :( how did you overcome it? I hope you are doing well now. ❤️

my husband expressed concerns about it this morning but I was so distressed it made me really angry and even more upset. When I spoke to the GP about the reflux, I did let her know how I was feeling and she just told me it’s “ok to leave baby in a safe place if she is crying” and take a break away.

Xx

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed from all your kind responses so I will come back once I’ve got this big cry out of the way … ;( xxxx

This sounds like me 2 years ago. It's the most horrible thing but there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.

I found getting out to baby classes were my saviour as I had a purpose to get up and out and a time to be up and ready for.

Also wrap up and get out a walk. My son, like your little girl, would sleep on me but also in his pram and sometimes I managed to get him inside and he continued to nap to give me some peace.

Reflux is a killer and the screaming all day is soul destroying I know. My husband used to take over when he came home from work and take my son a drive to let me decompress of just have a shower in peace.

I've been there sitting crying when baby is crying and I also resenting my son massively. I didn't enjoy being a mummy at all. It gets better as they get a bit bigger. Is she on any medication for the reflux? My son ended up on omeprazole and it helped massively.

I went into the other room while DS was crying one day. And I just stared out the window, and ignored him. I felt terrible while doing it, but I had to zone out. Then… He fell asleep in his basket, having with himself out. For a few hours. I needed that time.

As another poster said I well I definitely had bad PND but it wasn't picked up (even though I reached out for help!) until my son was nearly 18 months.

PND made everything 100 times worse for me.

Open up to your friends ask if they can pop around to help hold baby you have people who want to visit use them. Say I just want a quiet shower can you walk baby around the block

Oh you poor thing. I agree with these wise women. Just do what you need to to survive. If you have to put baby down for 5 minutes while he’s crying, he’ll be ok. Do you have a mum or a good friend who’d come and help you? I know if you were my daughter, I’d be there to do what I could. And just tell the would be visitors that things are really tough right now and you’d love to see them in a few weeks when things are easier. Also, I agree that a bit of outdoor time can be very helpful, especially if the sun comes out. I hope things improve with the new medication.