Lonely with no mum friends

[Honeybeesinthetrees]

I have two lovely children, DS 4 and DD 9 months.
When I was on maternity leave with my first I had my friends with babies to meet up with and groups to attend. This maternity leave my friends are all busy with work/other children etc we meet up once every few week which is nice but I find most days I feel very lonely. I drop DS to school and then it's just me and DD until we pick DS up and then just us three until DH is home. I've tried to go to groups but everyone just leaves after and id hoped to have some friend's from DSs school but so far everyone smiles hello but no playdates or meet ups. Just not sure what to do to make friends either school mums or baby mums. Feel sad to be on my own so much and sad for my kids

I hear you @Honeybeesinthetrees The second time around can feel very lonely. Everything seems to be geared towards first time Mums instead of parents in general. Whereabouts do you live? Have you tried local walking groups or baby exercise classes? If you look on Mumsnet there may be local parenting networks to teach out to. The garfest oart is putting yourself out there and having the energy to be 'on' when you have two small kids!

What about local playgroups, where baby can interact with the other children and the parents sort of hover? That might be a nice opportunity to meet other parents/cares

I've tried, I find most mums know each other and just chat to the ones they know. It makes me feel so socially awkward and then sad when I get home.

I think with the playgroups, you just need to persevere. I have been in that situation where everyone seemed to know each other and I came away feeling rubbish and sad, and wondering what was wrong with me. But I still went as it got me out the house, and eventually you do start talking to people! Maybe try a nan if you find the mums difficult to chat to? The good thing about kids is you always have a conversation starter, my favourite is how old are they?
Or a 9 month old you could take to a cafe, as people will often chat to you if you have a baby with you? You would get some social interaction, even if its just from staff or other tables saying ahh what a cute baby. I've made friends from both playgroup and from a cafe I was in killing time before getting my eldest.
Local libraries also tend to have stuff on for babies.
School mums is still a work in progress for me too, I think a lot of people probably feel the same, especially when lots of people seem to know each other because of older children at the school.

I agree you just need to persevere and exhaust all the different activities for children in your srea, and maybe look a bit further afield too.

But also reframe your thinking as it doesn't have to be sad to be on your own and you can enjoy that time with you and your youngest. I have similar aged dc and although we go to classes and activities every day, we just share some chit chat during class and don't meet up afterwards. Tbh I feel too busy to do meet ups- with morning activities, lunch, nap time and school run there's not much time left. There are also lots of things you can take your baby to which are more fulfilling for you - art exhibitions, guided walks, comedy shows and baby cinema/theatre.

@Honeybeesinthetrees ah, I could have written this myself, I'm sorry, it's hard 😞 I have a five year old who has just started school, the school isn't sociable and the parents are closed off and not interested in chatting, so we don't get invited to playdates. In three months I can count on one hand the number of times someone even has nodded hello to me during drop off/pick up! I have an 18 month old at home with me and feel the same about playgroups. Sometimes I chat with other parents but it never goes anywhere. If anything it's got more lonely after 12 months as most people seem to go back to work at that point, and toddlers are less portable than babies lol. I'm self employed so I'm mainly just at home with the toddler. Sorry to jump on the pity party! I empathise x

It was the same here for me too during both my Mat leaves, but does get easier as they start school. Know now the best way is to find out who your DS plays with, then ask their mum if they’d like a play date. If it’s too cold outside, could suggest going to the library or coming round for a cuppa while they play. I found it easier to make a couple mum friends when they started school and had the same pick up times. Know it doesn’t solve the issue of during the day time, but you may find mums with other younger children who are stay at home or part time, could snowball a bit that way. We’ve also got a class parent WhatsApp group for the standard comms, that helps get others numbers if you’re up for suggesting it to the teacher or class rep. But also don’t be afraid to suggest to another mum at pick up for a play date :)

I felt this exact same way second time around. It felt much harder than when I was on maternity and had a group of first time mums all off together. Its not much advice but just to let you know its not just you.
I have found getting into school life/school friendships tricky but slowly you meet more people as there start to be class parties or (although its hard with a baby)i volunteered for a few hours at a school event. I found a few mums with other younger ones at home which was a good way to make conversation/see about meet ups

In exactly the same situation here OP! 4 year old and an 11 month old. I honestly feel like I'm wasting so much time at home and want to get out and about but it's hard 😞 I suffer from anxiety too which doesn't help!

Sign up to peanut and get to know mums on there. That’s how I made friends with mums. Playgroups can be a bit cliquey as most of the parents know each other so hard to get to know them.
Or join some online local mum groups and get to know people online before you meet for a coffee on a 1:1 so easier to get to know them.

When standing next to people talking, listen to the conversation and hover then interject with a comment. I’ve done it so many times, always it’s a bit awkward but one quick joke and laugh and they warm. Then you keep talking, next time say hello to them all and hover again, same cycle. Eventually they’ll branch out naturally as if you’ve always been there.

If people respond with a glare, then you probably don’t want to be their friend anyway. I’ve only had one person

Sorry pressed enter. Only ever had one person or maybe two ever respond negatively with a glare.