Husband is struggling to connect with baby

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My son is 7 weeks old and me and DH were chatting about him. My DH admitted (and it really seemed as if he was happy to get this off this chest) that he doesn't feel an overwhelming love for our son and doesn't have the same bond I do with him.

I told him not to worry about it and that it would come but he said he's scared it won't. He said he does love him and care for him but more than anything just feels protective of him. He doesn't love him in a "big way" yet. He also said he really feels like he'll never love him in the same way that I do, or ever have a similar bond.

I'm bottle feeding so he does help out in the evenings after work feed/change him etc. He's so hands on and sweet with him. He's honestly such a great dad.

I'm just wondering if any other first time dads felt like this at first? Is this normal? Will his bond come?

I've reassured him but wondered if anyone else felt the same. Because now I feel worried about it (not that I would tell him) I want him to feel how I feel about him. I want him to put our son above everyone (including me). But he loves me sooo much I'm worried he'll always put me first. Does that make sense?

I think it’s normal for you to have more of a bond with baby at the moment. He’s still quite a new baby. You’ve had almost a year to bond with him including the pregnancy and your husband has only had 7 weeks. Maybe he’s just worried because he can see that you’re very bonded to the baby and he thinks he should feel exactly the same already, even though he hasn’t had nearly the amount of time you’ve had to bond. I know dads can bond with baby during pregnancy by feeling the occasional kick etc but it isn’t the same. I agree with you that the bond will come in time.

It takes on average 6 months for a Father to bond and feel the love of a baby.. when the baby starts smiling and gurgling and laughing with the Father while cuddling and playing and feeding and talking to the baby it starts to get stronger.

I don’t think I loved DS until he was about 1. Relax.

Mums say it too, the overwhelming rush doesn’t happen for everyone.

Would it help to have one thing that he only or mainly does? I bf so DH had bathing or showering with ours as one of his things. Something lovely and cuddly that helps them bond. Do you use a carrier? DH loves having ours in one for walks or pottering round. Topless cuddle in bed in the morning, showering together, carrier, something close to get the happy hormones going.

What he’s describing doesn’t sound unusual. I love my DDs and my unborn DS but it’s not like a big love that hits me really hard. I’m protective of them and couldn’t cope if anything happened to them but it wasn’t something that hit me like a ton of bricks. To be honest, I’m protective of my DH and couldn’t cope if anything happened to him either.

Al my friends husbands say something similar like 'what's the point of me the baby only wants you' remind him of the fourth trimester and that really he should still be inside you not meeting anyone else at this stage - anyone else's job is to look after mother. Bizarrely the only man I've met who did get overcome with love and emotion meeting the baby and every time he cuddled him is my ex, who did NOT look after the baby's mother (me)

By he should still be inside you I mean the baby should still be in your tummy not out in he world - it's only because we walk on two legs and the shape of our hips that humans give birth at 40 weeks

Hell, I'm pretty sure I still felt that way about my firstborn at 7 weeks. I would have fought a wolf barehanded to protect him, but I really wasn't at all sure that I loved him exactly, and in fact I kinda wished he would get off me and stop crying for a bit so I could get some fucking sleep..?

In retrospect, that protectiveness was love. I never had some big cinematic rush-of-love moment, I just realised one day that I did love him, madly and deeply. Falling in love with your baby is like falling in love with anyone; it happens over time, slowly, as you get to know them and they get to know you. And you get to know a baby by caring for them.

Reassure him; make sure he does his turn. It'll happen.

I wrote the exact same post just over a year ago. It did come. It took a while but once they start getting a bit of personality, that bond comes. I promise.

Thanks guys. It's reassuring to hear he isn't alone in this as I don't think it's something makes/dads talk about a lot.

I appreciate the comments.