At wits end with 8 year old

[Phoenix23]

Hi there,

I’ve never posted before but am a lurker, and need some help! As the title says I am at my wits end with my (very nearly) 8 year old daughter.
The main issue is her sleeping. I have been on my own with her for a few years now, I have a partner but he hasn’t lived with us. We are now getting to the stage where he is moving in, and I have been trying to get DD to go into her own room again (from my bed).
we have been through a bad patch with her sleeping for months now and nothing helps. I have to stay with her until she falls asleep, she won’t let me leave at all even if I say I am coming back. She then comes in my room anytime from midnight onwards saying she can’t sleep, and I have to go in with her. I can’t take it anymore, I feel quite controlled by her, she is extremely intense, a few weeks ago we went through a stage where she decided she can never sleep if I am in the same house but not the same room, so she packed up her things night after night in a bid to move out. I don’t know where to go now as any slight change in life, will set her back again and again. I need support from my partner but I also feel bad him moving into this stressful household so I haven’t pushed it.
dd is an only child.

she also gets very upset making decisions at times, always asking for my opinion on what she should do, it’s so draining and I don’t know how to help her anymore as I am pouring from an empty cup myself

You need to postpone your partner moving in. You are trying to move your DD out of your bed under pressure that this HAS to be done so your partner can move in.

It's not a simple move to undertake and not one to be done under pressure. You are putting yourself and your DD under stress in order for this person to move in. Do you view what your partner wants as having a greater value than what your DD needs from you?

hi there,

we have been together 3 years and we have been speaking about moving in together for a year, with DD aware of this so she knows it’s coming. I have said that sometimes she will still be allowed in my bed and I am doing all I can to ease the transition

Look up the SPACE programme for anxiety. Developed and tested by Dr Eli Lebowitz. There are a few videos on YouTube. I am currently doing this programme for my daughter who was coming out of bed multiple times a night, waiting up for us to go to bed and then trying to get into our bed. Every night for 10 years. It has been the only thing that has worked. Younger daughter goes to bed and sleep fine.

Thank you, is this something you attend in person, or watch online?

What is she anxious about? Does she believe something will happen to you or her if your not together?

I think identification of the cause is key. She may feel you are trying to replace her with your P.

I would also support her to be more independent in day to day life; cooking, laundry, money, decorating, choices. I have some children's chef knives which my GS is allowed to use with supervision. Then you can reflect back to her how grown up she is and how she manages things on her own.

I'm doing it as an online programme with six other parents in the Borough. However I could have done it with the book written by Dr Lebowitz and watching clips on YouTube.