Are some toddlers more difficult than others?

[AnonymousMusing]

I have a recently turned 2 year old. Since he has been 11 months old and walking, he has been exhausting. He's adept at climbing and getting himself into various dangerous situations, so I always need eyes in the back of my head.

He is also incredibly demanding, and I don't know if this is because DH and I have made rods for our own backs by not letting DS watch TV.
He constantly wants us to read books to him, etc, which is lovely, but not always possible.

I am solo parenting this weekend, as DH is away for a work trip. Earlier this evening, I had to take about 20 mins to do the washing up generally tidy downstairs and was subjected to next level whining and tears because, for a brief period, I couldn't give DS my undivided attention.

Is this particularly trying toddler behaviour, or am I just crap at dealing with it? I am just baffled by how many people from baby groups on my Mat leave are going for DC number 2. I assume their first DC must be an angel compared to mine, or they would have a screw loose to want to do this a second time!

Yes. DS1 was an only for longer than intended originally for this reason (mainly that he was still waking three or more times a night at two). If we’d had DS2 first they’d have been closer in age! (In our case it turned out that DS1 has ASD…not suggesting for an instant your child does but there were reasons for us).

The short answer: yes.
Longer: DS 1 was a delight. No tantrums, kind, gentle with other kids etc etc. DS2 a nightmare. Constant tantrums, held grudges etc.
They are now both lovely teens.
It passes

Sounds like a normal toddler to me! Get them involved with cleaning and tidying, they just want to be near and spend time with you. Get him a Tonie or Yoto for Christmas for the audio stories.

I have one of those! Has some very sweet moments, but he’s also a LOT. Now 3.5 and I’m afraid that stage of tantrums is yet to pass.

Mine was like this, he has adhd.

Yes definitely. My dd is 14 months and she's similar in terms of wanting your attention all the time. When I'm making dinner, she'll be with me, clinging off my legs and moaning.

She is - and always has been - far more needy and demanding than some of the other babies/toddlers I know.

I see lots of babies/toddlers being wheeled around the shops happily, while mine will be moaning and crying if she's awake so I can't do things like that with her too often. I

That's actually a good suggestion. He keeps trying on my massive yellow washing up gloves, but a quick Google seems to suggest that rubber gloves in kids sizes is a thing.
If I were to buy him those, and a stepstool, he could "help" me, and hopefully not destroy our crockery in the process.

Mine is actually just turned 3 and she’s been hard since about 1. I don’t recall my other one being like this. I could make a list of the tantrums and dramas we’ve had today but I’m too exhausted. She’s very intelligent but contrary as well so we sort of go from one tantrum to another and half the time she doesn’t know what she wants. She also has no fear and quite clumsy so I feel very anxious taking her out.

Yes of course they vary.

However what you describe sounds to me to be within normal range, they are very tiring - by which I mean they do need lots of active attention.

You don't need to give him the actual dirty stuff. You give him a bowl of water, and some plastic stuff!

But yes, find a way to include him in the chores you need to do. We ate a lot of mushrooms at that age, because he could "chop" them with a table knife.

And yes, toddlers vary in their personalities.

I literally don’t know how I’d get anything done without TV or IPad for my 2 year old, especially when DH isn’t there…my suggestion would be just stick them in front of the TV for 30 minutes but realise that probably isn’t helpful!

@AnonymousMusing just a heads up he prob won't be interested in anything purpose bought for him - they want to use what you use ie your gloves etc. I'd usually delegate glass door panel cleaning and floor sweeping to our toddler whilst trying to get other stuff done, or set her up with a bowl with a bit of water and a cloth and a load of plastic stuff to 'wash' (fully accepting there will be water everywhere after). Involving them is the only way to get anything done in my experience. And yes, demand level of your son sounds familiar!!

Of course! They are all different. I have 2 who were poles apart. Now they are older it's very clear to see what was going on.

My eldest is hugely introverted so as a toddler, we could take them out for long relaxing adult meals - they'd sit in the high chair doodling and drawing completely in their own little world with no demands and not much desire to interact with others. This felt very easy. Also slept 12 hours every single night and wanted to be alone to sleep. Didn't want to be cuddled or lay with. Long haul plane journeys were a breeze, so we travelled all over and had a pretty relaxing few years.

My second on the other hand. My God. Looking back I should have taken him up mountains at age 3. He was the type of child who needed it. Now plays very high levels sport and extremely extroverted. Still wants everyone's attention and to be constantly talking to someone. The most demanding child ever, but that's just his personality. I thought pottering at home and the odd playgroup and part time preschool would be sufficient like it was with my first. Looking back maybe he was bored. He probably needed far more activity and interaction.

Good luck!

I had to take about 20 mins to do the washing up generally tidy downstairs and was subjected to next level whining and tears because, for a brief period, I couldn't give DS my undivided attention.

so let him whine for 20 minutes. It isn't harmful. Necessity is the mother of invention. Without screens he'll have to figure it out and entertain himself.

Yes and no.
Yes there a toddlers that are harder to manage or they find life harder to deal with but most toddlers have something that is harder. What is harder for one child have a bigger or smaller impact on their life or on their care givers.

My daughter is a challenge. She has severe reflux and allergies and she requires a lot from us. Sometimes as much as an oldish baby say 10-12 months but she is very well behaved doesn't complain when she has to wait for me to find out if a treat is safe before it is given. She doesn't complain that she doesn't get the same food as her friend. She accepts that she has to have a lot of medicine and takes it without fuss. She knows what foods she can't have and if we say something will make her poorly that is it she doesn't ask again. Her sleep is not good and she cries through the night even when she doesn't wake up she wakes me up. Sometimes she just wants and needs a cuddle even if I'm trying to leave for work or need to cook dinner. It's a balance. She hard but we are also pretty lucky that she takes everything on her stride. That said 2 under 2 or 3 was not on the cards with the amount of time and attention she was required!

I think for a lot of parents having 2 dc close together is a bit of a default, like going to uni, getting a grad job and getting married so they don't analyse the decision much or consider the needs of their first dc - it's a decision made long before they are born.

I see a lot of variation in the behaviour of toddlers at the classes my dcs gave attended. It's not always down to parenting, some dc are very wild and others are very gentle. I think I've been lucky with my 2 dcs - they have fed and slept OK, behaviour has responded to interventions, and no issues with communication. They've been fine toddling around the house while I get on with stuff.