Experiences of other shy toddlers?

[Liverpoolgirl50]

First time mum to a 16 month old DD, and no real experience of toddlers aside from the others I see at soft play etc.

Our DD has always been… strong willed, I suppose. Knows her own mind, tells you if she isn’t happy - that kind of thing. Which we love and try to encourage in a positive way whilst also showing her that sometimes you just have to do things you don’t want to do! At home with just myself and her dad she’s a sunny little thing with buckets of personality.

Anyway.. it’s starting to strike me that she’s not very confident or sociable when we are out or around other people. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and has done since she was 9 months old but put in a situation like soft play, she wants us right by her/holding her hand etc - she doesn’t interact with other children other than to shake her head ‘no’ if they come too close. She also takes ages to warm to family (that she sees weekly) each time, and will cling to myself or her dad for a good while - eventually loosening up and playing with them.

My mum is making me feel like there’s something wrong, she says she always seems unhappy and lacks in confidence and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. We never force her to go to people, and let her warm up in her own time, I feel like I’m constantly justifying her behaviour saying ‘she just needs a minute’, but is that normal?

Honestly feeling a bit hopeless at the moment. I’d love to see her dive straight in, but figured that’s just not the kind of person she is.

Read up on the 6 stages of play. Children start to play collaboratively at age 3 and don’t properly play together until 4. A 16MO is tiny and still very much in the solitary play phase. So all totally normal. She’s very young for soft play, aren’t those places usually for 2+ with a small baby area intended mostly for younger siblings? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she’s overwhelmed and unconfident in the face of stuff she can’t climb and 4YOs twice her size running at full pelt. Maybe just don’t go until she’s bigger and able to go in by herself, it’s by no means an obligatory part of parenting! Even with the family thing but if she warms up eventually then no big deal at all. Don’t stress it.

Thank you @InTheRainOnATrain - there’s a great soft play near us with a huge under 2 section which she mostly loves, just not when other kids come near! But honestly it’s the same wherever, the park/zoo/farm. I think I’m in my head about it though, so thank you - I’ll read up on that!

I should stress I would obviously never leave her to just go off on her own, but it’s more the complete disinterest in other kids and apprehension of family members that made me concerned.. some toddlers try to come up and hug her and you’d think she’d been slapped 😂

DC2 was just as you describe OP

Would stay on my lap for over an hour in social situations, and maybe just venture away from me towards the end of our visit.

At home with just us they were an absolute live wire, totally engaged, vibrant, and confident - which is also how they are now socially as a young adult