I am a shift worker. Could that affect the bond with our daughter?

[yhk]

My wife is due to give birth to our daughter in the middle of March.

I plan on having around a month and a half or maybe 2 months off work starting from the week of the due date.

I'm concerned that when I return to work and the shift patterns (07.00-15.00, 15.00-23.00, 23.00-07.00) it will affect the bond between our daughter and I.

We've bought a bed for our spare room, with a bedside cot for our daughter. The plan is that one of us sleeps in this room with the baby until she is old enough to sleep throughout the night by herself. That way, at least one of us will get a night of uninterrupted sleep in the bedroom. With my work pattern, we have agreed that I will sleep with our daughter when I am on the 15.00-23.00 shifts and also when I am on rest days and annual leave (I get a lot of annual leave). My wife will sleep with her when I am on nights and early shifts.

My concern is, will me working around the clock affect our bond? Could it make our daughter uncomfortable sleeping next to me and taking a bottle from me if I'm not around her as much as my wife will be? I want my wife to have as much of a break as possible.

This is our first child, so I'm completely in the dark with how a newborn reacts to these kind of things. Hoping that I am overthinking this!

In the first few months all baby will be concerned about is that their needs are met. As time goes on they recognise who can meet their needs and a bond forms.
yes, babies thrive on routines but you’ll still see baby a lot even when working shifts.

consistency is key. My son didn’t see his dad till he was 4 months but then they saw each other at least once a week. They have a good bond now.

I do not think the shift patterns will be an issue. In some ways they will be good as you can see different times in her day. Early on in her life, our daughter was usually upset evening into the start of the night which meant her poor dad who worked regular 9-5 almost always saw her upset! This is very common for newborn's to be upset at these hours (5-10 ish).

Your daughter will prefer your wife to you during the first part of her life. I'm sorry, that is just biological fact - whoever the primary caregiver is (does the most hours, feeds them the most) is more soothing for baby than anyone else. However, the shifts aren't hugely relevant to this. Then she will start showing that you are her other favourite, and also start showing preferences for other adults she sees a lot over strangers. Then at 9mo ish she will hate anyone that she doesn't know well. Then in toddler years she will flip flop dramatically between your wife and you hahaha. It's all a journey!

Is your wife planning to breastfeed or will you both be bottle feeding? That will impact on how you approach feeding as it would be tricky for baby to sometimes have bottles, sometimes breast overnight. Also if she is planning to express, be warned that it can be really tricky and takes a lot of time.

Be warned that at first your baby may not agree to sleep not on a person. So it may not be possible at that point for either adult to get a full night as one adult can't stay awake all night holding a baby safely. It took our little one until about 10 weeks for her to go down in a bassinet or crib. We did "shifts" until then - I spent 8-1.30, he slept 2-7.30. Swaddles help but then you need to transition back out of them again!

Also be warned that old enough to sleep through the night can be up to 3 years or so. It's biologically normal for child sleep to be disrupted and need adult help. Saying that, our little one is 6mo and on only one wake a night.

In short, there's some stuff to think about regarding realities of newborns, but I don't think the shifts specifically are going to be an issue 😊. If anything it seems like they give you flexibility to do more overnights and offer more support and see her throughout the day and night.

Children have this beautiful ability to only count the time that people are there. When you are not there they focus on the people that are.
My daughter has a great bond with both sets of grandparents and she saw for a total of 3 weeks in the first year of her life due to covid. She saw the HV more and and didn't get a bond with her.

We have a rule in our house "there is no point us both being awake" so my partner did spent most her first year in the spare room. Due to covid he was working split shifts 7am to 12noon in the lab and 2pm-6pm at home with a 90 minute commute in each direction so he left the house at half 5. In return for me doing all the overnights he took every Saturday and Sunday morning so I could catch up on sleep. This still happens as although she's 3 she still doesn't sleep through the night.

If you are doing some of the night shifts (babies not work!) I would look to introduce a bottle early (expressed ideally due to maintaining supply) if not formula) if your partner wants to breastfeed. We introduced it at 3 weeks once breastfeeding was fully established under the recommendation of the midwives and she took it really well at first. We had issues later but that's another story. My friends that waited until 6 weeks as recommended failed to get their babies to accept a bottle