Should I be Concerned about my 2yr Olds Behaviour

[autumn202123]

Hi, I am starting to get worried about my little boys behaviour so wanted to ask fellow mums if they have been through this and is it normal.

my little boy is 20 months ( so not 2 yet ) and since he turned 18 months his behaviour with us and other children has gotten so bad to the point I received a call today from his nursery saying they are going to get a SEND person to observe and come up with strategies on how to tackle his problem.

background on my little boy, he is a very clever little boy and is so sweet and funny 70% of the time, my friends and family always say to me how advanced he is for his age as his a very good talker, he acts more like a 2 year old, he says 3 words sentences and even knows his colours. His a great eater, he eats everything and anything and he has always been a good sleeper, I’ve been lucky.. until recently.

unfortunately, despite he excellent development, his very aggressive at times. He mainly pulls hair, but does also hit sometimes too. When he is not getting his way or is upset with something he lashes out and screams and essentially attacks us by pulling our hair and hitting. He also occasionally will just come up and do it randomly out the blue too. We are stern with him and tell him off but so far nothing is changing and it seems to be getting worse.

nursery informed me today that one of the carers had to shadow him the whole time as he kept randomly pulling the younger one’s hair and making them upset, they said he wasn’t even provoked.

i thought this was just a phase. But it’s been 2 months of this with no indication of improvement? Should I be worried? Anyone else had this issue?

nursery did tell me his development milestones are fine and if anything they are trying to move him to the room above for older children but at the moment it’s too full.

he does have an older cousin (9 months older) and his cousin has always been very heavy handed with him, even since he was a little baby… is it possible he has picked this up from other children?

My baby is doing this albeit he is 14 months but when I have looked it up it is a normal stage between ages of 1 to 2

It sounds a bit at the demanding end of the spectrum but not particularly out of character for his age. You and nursery need to be consistent with management, using the same strategies and encouraging alternative positive behaviour. Their reaction sounds a bit extreme but I suppose it may be worse than they are sharing. I'd ask for a meeting with them without him (ie not collection/drop off to discuss it in more detail.

Lots of children bite, hit out and pull hair at that age. Nursery staff don't always know if it provoked or not. At that age, children are developing a range of emotions and feelings. Sometimes mine gets triggered from something small, like he doesn't think someone is doing somethin the "proper" way. Instead I say to him, "that's silly isn't it" every time and now he says, "that's silly" instead. It might not always be very silly but it's better than pulling hair. He is 18 months. It's actually gotten a bit better now he can speak more and I can verbalise phrases that he can now say instead.

Normal

It's his age

How long has he been at nursery for?

Could have written this post myself - my DS is now 2.5 and his behaviour is gradually improving. He would bite and hit at nursery and this had been happening for over a year, not long after he started, this only recently stopped. The SEND team also observed him, and like a previous poster said, concluded that while he was at the challenging end of the spectrum, they did not think he had any additional needs. Remember the nursery have to be seen to be taking steps to address the behaviour.
He still has quite a few tantrums at home, but I can definitely see them improving as he develops more logic and can be reasoned with. Please don’t be worried.

My dearest darling daughter (now 7yo) was a delightful toddler, she was reasonable, patient, ate and slept well, she was potty trained and dry at night, she could speak in full sentences - she was obviously a bright little button.

BUT SHE WAS A BITER.

One day we picked her up from nursery and she had no fewer than seven separate incident reports for biting. She'd bitten six children (all boys), and one staff member. She once bit someone and broke the skin. She basically bit at least one person, every day, for months.

She did it with little/no provocation - it was like a compulsion.

We did everything we could to stop it, we explained and discussed it with her, told her off (a big telling off), read books like "teeth are not for biting", did role play, we gave her squeezy toys to get the urge to bite out - literally we spent 6 months trying to figure it out.

Then one day, she stopped biting.

We don't know why. It was just a weird (and yet age appropriate) developmental blip. It happens.

It's no reflection either on how we parent, or on her behaviour now as a 7 year old. In fact when we talk about biting she is HORRIFIED that she did it!

I could have written this bar the fact my child has less advanced speech.

they are great fun, love games but are very determined and not easily distracted. They are also not particularly compliant and like to “investigate” 🧐 as you can imagine we had tantrums aplenty across the day…

For adults…axe kicks, the “thrashing salmon”along with the odd clawing of the face

for playmates…. it’s generally “one good hard shove” or maybe a bite?

I am no SEN denier as I don't believe it’s helpful to blithely ignore your child’s learning difficulties BUT I would very careful about letting the nursery label or box your child.

he is SO young and none of this sounds wildly out of the normal range.

His been going since 10 months old, and we always received such positive comments until lately. Maybe that’s why it feels extra disappointing as we have only ever received good comments.

but as other posters have said… hopefully its his age and he will stop soon 😬

That’s so reassuring to read! Thanks for sharing, I definitely feel a bit better now! 😅

glad I am not the only one, I was so panicked when they said they are getting SEND to observe him - but like you, I would be surprised if anything abnormal came back as apart from his hair pulling issue, his always been a bright and social and happy boy!
thank you for sharing 😊

That’s a good idea with the ‘that’s silly’ I will certainly give that a try. thankyou!

Yes I agree and I think that’s the route nursery are trying to go down by having him observed and then sharing any strategies to tackle the issue. But I must admit, I kind of think it seemed a bit over the top which is why I was so worried and this wasn’t ’normal’ 😓

Is he much older than the other children in his class? Mine went a bit mental in her last few months in the baby room, stuck with the babies when all the other toddlers had moved up...

Have you hear of pathological demand avoidance, it sounds a bit like some of the behaviours your child is displaying. It's good he's getting support and if he does have some behavioural needs it's better to get the support now

Yes he is now one of the older ones left as all the others have recently turned 2 and have moved rooms or are in the process of moving room. He is not the only eldest there, there are a couple left including him, I did wonder this myself. As it’s only in the last couple months he has been like this and he has had alot of development leaps and I wonder is he a bit bored and needs more stimulation then the perhaps the younger ones and his just not getting that level of attention he needs? Possibly! 🤔

Yes, I have heard of this and have read up on jt and I definitely do not feel he has this. From what I understand pathological demand avoidance is very extreme in that the child will avoid anything that is perceived to be a demand, even very basic things. My little one does kick off on some things like putting his coat on or shoes on when he doesn’t want to leave or getting in the pushchair but he will eventually do as his told and he listens… I definitely am not concerned with this I think he is acting pretty normal for his age with some of these things 😊

My eldest was a lovely well behaved little boy until he was about this age. I was mortified when I picked him up from nursery to be told he had bitten a little girl on the face, he'd never bitten before and she had the imprint of his teeth on her cheek but thankfully he hadn't actually broken the skin. It was her first day back at nursery after being off for a few weeks as her mother had died. I couldn't even look her father in the face. The staff thought it might have been because she was getting lots of attention as she was obviously very unsettled.

He then went on a biting frenzy biting anyone and everyone for a few weeks. Then it stopped. I think he was getting his back teeth, randomly bit the poor little girl and decided he liked it.

None of my others ever bit anyone, which I am truly thankful for. They do go through phases and all we can do is watch them (or nursery staff watch them) and make it clear it isn't acceptable and hope it stops soon.

My daughter was a nightmare toddler! Kicking, biting and hair pulling. It got to the point where I used to dread picking her up from nursery..!

Luckily, she grew out of it and is now a lovely 6 year old, doing fabulously at school with plenty of friends.

Hope thinks get better soon for you too! 😊

Hi have things got better ?