Newborn won’t be put down?

[Erlouise]

Hi ladies
I just want some advice pleaseee …
my baby is only a few weeks old but will not be put down.
i know she’s a tiny baby and that they like to be close but I’m talking her eyes will ping open the minute I put her down, in the day I can’t do any housework or get myself ready etc as she’ll just be up and crying as soon as she’s not on me. At the minute DH is off work so takes over while I need to do things but I’m really getting worried for when he goes back …
its worse at night, she has a bottle around 10-11pm which is when I think perfect I’ll try to get some sleep… it will look like she’s about to dose off and then again the eyes ping open and she will just sit on me wide awake. When she does finally nod off I try to put her down so I can get some sleep, or because I’m nodding off myself, but she’ll start screaming crying about 10 mins after I’ve put her down, so I pick her up again as no chance I’m sleeping with her crying. Because of this, I haven’t gone to bed before 3am pretty much since she was born… DH takes over between 3-4am and lets me sleep in until 9-10am while he tends to her, but once he’s back to work I’ll need to be up after the 4am feed as hubby will be in the office by then, which basically means zero sleep for me.
i really don’t know what to do!! Elders in the family keep telling me to let her cry she’s getting into bad habits and playing me… I know I’m weak but I really can’t sit and listen to her cry, I have to pick her up!!
please tell me where I’m going wrong and if this genuinely is my own fault for keep picking up … also any tips would be super helpful.
shes hates a bouncer so I’m thinking of getting a sling for the daytime but don’t know if this will make things worse!….

thank you in advance. P.S sorry for the long post!

You’re not going wrong
I breast fed and coslept with my DD
they need to be close
Try swaddling your baby and shush patting when you put her down
a sling is great
you are not spoiling her - you’re meeting her needs

Babies can’t play you - they’re not manipulative
ignore whatever “advice” you’re being given and listen to YOUR instincts which are to pick up and cuddle your baby

Not your fault. Mine was the same. A sling helped a lot. He did chill out in the car/pram so I went out driving and walking a lot! But in the house needed to be held constantly. He did eventually take to the bouncer in small doses and eventually grew out of it.
go with the flow as much as you can.

its much harder when you have two dc wanting to be held!

easier said than done but now I wish I went with the flow a bit more, didn’t worry about the housework and just sat and watched neflix and cuddled him a bit more. My eldest won’t let me go near him these days (he’s 10 and great but was a very trying baby).

You aren't doing anything wrong

This is very typical newborn behaviour.
I know it's hard when you feel you have no life and can't do anything.

A sling is a brilliant idea for day times and you may feel you have some normality back.
Do you manage to go out for walks etc?

When is your DH back to work?
Can he take the chunk from last feed onwards so you can get to sleep earlier?
I felt better going to sleep earlier rather than a lie in.
Housework he can do or it can wait.

Best thing ever said to me was, you can't spoil a baby with cuddles.

Many babies are like this I’m afraid

Definitely get a sling for daytime - she may hate it at first but persevere - and look up safe co sleeping for nighttime (may require kicking Dh onto spare bed/sofa)

Careful which sling, not all are newborn suitable

You don’t need to do anything, your job is to take care of your baby. Cuddle and sleep on the couch with baby against you. This phase will pass.

This is normal, you haven’t done a thing wrong, you’re doing so well!

My oldest was like this and these things helped.

Sling all day so I could keep my hands free. Ideally go to a sling surgery and make sure it’s as comfy and cosy as possible.

Bedsharing - make the bed space as safe as possible then get baby to sleep, lie down by her and curl around her so she knows you’re close, and sleep. Google “safe sleep seven” for safety advice. I did not want to bedshare but I was dangerously tired, it was the safest way to manage my first, otherwise I would have definitely fallen asleep holding her and dropped her, it was unsustainable trying to get her into a cot.

Partner would get up early before work, say 5:30, and take the baby until he left at 8:30.

Go to baby groups, baby massage, mums yoga. Get out of the house, meet other mums, helps you stay sane.

This is very normal for the early weeks, worth a Google on the fourth trimester. My DH and I slept in shifts until he went back to work and it did start to improve slowly. Carriers are great in the day time just to be hands free, if you don't have one see if there is a sling library near you that you can go to and try out different ones, usually they hire out stretchy wraps for free under a certain age, at least ours does.

They don't know how to manipulate until well after they're one, the rod for your own back thing is total crap, it's hard to listen to people saying stuff like that, particularly when tired. In the end I put a rolled up cellular blanket in the moses basket horse shoe shape at the bottom and it.made her feel more snug, worth asking your health visitor for advice and what can be used to help.

If there is a risk of accidental cosleeping deliberately cosleep. Look into doing it safely this saved me. For the first 4 months my daughter was in my arms for 23h a day during the week. By Friday I was totally and utterly touched out and my partner had to take her for a few hours just so I had some time not touching another person.

My daughter had severe reflux and allergies and these were behind her need to held and paced all day and then not being able to be but down. We started cosleeping at 3 weeks when my nighttime routine was she woke up, nappy, feed, nappy, cuddle sleep which took about an hour. It then took an hour of holding for her lie in her cot then she slept in their for another hour before waking up and the cycle started again. I was getting 45-60 minutes sleep at a time. I was high risk of post partum pyschosis and at around the same time I did start with symptoms and the extra sleep from cosleeping did help

Don't fall asleep yourself tho. As that's risky

A baby can't play you? You're doing nothing wrong what so ever. Does your DD suffer with colic / reflux ? Have you tried swaddling her? The first few months are tough your tired your body's been through a lot, does she sleep in a Moses basket or
A next to me crib?

Your baby is being totally and completely normal.

Cuddle her. Between you do the absolute minimum of house work and food cooking until she is about 8 weeks old. Then reassess.

In the meantime do shifts and co-slept as necessary.

Please don’t do this. Sleep next to your baby on a firm, flat surface, such as a mattress free from lose bedding. Sleeping on a couch with a newborn is really dangerous.

Sounds like she might have reflux? Have you tried propping up one end of her mattress?

Take her to GP to check if it's reflux. Personally, I've only known babies refuse to be put down if they are in pain, not just as a general personality but that's just anecdotal.

Take her to GP to check if it's reflux. Personally, I've only known babies refuse to be put down if they are in pain, not just as a general personality but that's just anecdotal

DC1 wouldn’t be put down as a newborn and he didn’t have reflux. It absolutely can be a temperament thing. A lot of normal newborn behaviour (including a preference for being held) is often incorrectly labelled as reflux.

Please don't let her cry. Newborns genuinely do need all that attention: they're tiny and the world is big and scary!

I would feed mine to sleep and, when he was in a milk coma, hold him upright against me for a few minutes. Partly to help the milk go down and partly to let him go into a deep sleep. Then I'd put him in the cot very, very, very slowly. I would lean over the cot with him so there wasn't a rush of cold air when I set him in it. Basically make it as smooth a transition as I could. Didn't always work, but the bigger he got, the easier he went down.

Enjoy the cuddles. I'm sure you're feeling like you're dead on your feet, but this stage really doesn't last forever.

I agree with the others about holding your baby but I want to also say that if you need to shower or to eat etc. baby will be fine in a bouncy chair for a bit even if they shout!

It's all well and good people telling you to just cuddle your baby but you also need to look after yourself! I personally felt pressure when people said that to me!

I couldn’t put my baby down for naps or bedtime until she was 7 months old! I tried everything but eventually just surrendered to her demands haha. She napped on my chest or in a sling and at night slept in my bed with me. It was the only way for us both to get some sleep.

I know you want get jobs done but a sometimes it’s simply not possible. Try to stop fighting it and go with what the baby wants. It’s very hard going, but it won’t last forever. Hope you don’t have to wait 7 months like me xx

This is terrible advice. Co sleeping is dangerous, especially on a settee.

It's completely normal, I'm sorry those around you don't understand. Unfortunately, it's easy to forget how hard the newborn phase is. I had SO much advice from family and now that DD is older, I understand it was much more suitable for a toddler.

Definitely try a sling. Sling libraries can help so you can hire/try different ones. You really can't establish bad habits yet, even now my daughter is still pretty adaptable.

My midwife told me to get an uncomfortable nursing chair(!), and learn to cosleep safely to resist falling asleep accidentally.

Get as much help as you can in the day too. Maybe if others experience the crying when baby is out down they'll listen to you more, maybe not but equally it's probably worth a go.

It's worth being aware that babies also go through phases of growth and development, and need more comfort and/or nourishment during those times. I remember the 3 week phase being VERY hard for cluster feeding, so hopefully you're in one of those phases.

Try to find some mums in a similar phase with similar values and parenting styles too, honestly you'll be surprised how many people are in the same boat!

This is incredibly dangerous advice. It is very dangerous to sleep with a baby on a sofa. Far less risky on a firm mattress with the adult bedding safely out of the way.

My first was like this, it was incredibly hard, can your husband have the baby during the evening so you can sleep then?

Zl