Dd 'doesn't like brown skin' - advice?

[SueBaroo]

Dd2 is 4 and has quite a particular, mildly obssessive sort of character. For some completely unknown reason, she has decided that she doesn't like brown skin.

Obviously, that's got some really implications, and I'm wondering how to deal with it. She's not picked up any racism from anyone regularly around her, so it's not her copying anything.

I've explained to her that it's very unkind and unfair to think and say nasty things about people based on what they look like, but to no avail. Should I just keep banging that drum?

We know a number of people with different skintones to ourselves, and she's never been openly rude, and she is very shy around anyone but us anyway.

How about getting a selection of brown skinned dollies and for you and all the family to play lovingly with them saying how pretty they are and how much you love them.

Before my DD started school she used to say this, and like you I had no idea where it came from.

Since starting school she's become inseparable from her new best friend who is 'brown'.

i wouldn't berate her, but I would keep on banging that positive drum! It will pass.

It's just that it is different, Get a few dollies that have brown skin, and fuzzy felts etc. And watch a few tv programmes that have black people in them - e.g. cbeebies: balamory, tellitubbies videos in their tummies etc. I also understand from DD that upsydaisy has brown skin!

The more normal you can make it, the less likely she is to care. It will probably pass quickly

It's not racism, it's just a child deciding she doesn't think skin looks nice if it's brown, just as she might not like blue cushions, or red jam tarts. Just a 4 year-old's little whims.

It's getting her to connect the fact that she is talking about something that might hurt a person's feelings that's the tricky bit, as you rightly say.

But most 4 yr olds change their preferences every week, so I wouldn't worry about it too much, she'll probably forget all about it in no time.

Yes, what I really don't want to do is make it into something it isn't.

I like the doll idea, I had thought of it, but initially thought it might be over-egging the pudding, but her sister wants an asian-toned doll because of one of her friends, so if she has one it might bring the 'hey-she's-got-one-I-want-one' into play...

I wouldn't worry. dd1 once said (aged about 3), about a new babysitter coming that evening, 'does she have brown skin?' and after I'd had my -argh-my-child-is-racist reaction, I asked gentle questions and then explained why people had different shades of skin, then let it drop.

She said similar sorts of things a few more times, but since she started school and has lots of different shades of friend it's never been an issue.

I wouldn't worry too much i said this as child. My Granny is white English my Grandad is jamaican and i refused to kiss goodnight him once because he had 'Dark' skin. (I have brown skin myself, i'm mixed raced). I would have been about 6.

I don't think its racism. Just preference at such a young age, to me white skin seemed nicer, dark skin was scary...[hhm].

Also my much younger sisters did the very same thing to me when they were about 4 and 6.(they are white not mixed raced)

Just a funny kid thing i think.

oops

Oh my - this reminds me of my friends ds when he was about 4...............
They were at a party and he (out of nowhere) pointed at an Asian lady and shouted 'oi you........what are you doing in here with your brown skin?'
My friend was mortified - and so was the lady! He was frog marched out of the party and promptly spoken to - but he just wouldn't have it - he didn't like brown skin.
My friend tried the 'well your skin goes brown in the sun' thing - and his answer was 'well I don't like that either!'
Then later that evening - he'd obviously been thinking about it - he walked into the living room to tell everyone that 'brown skin is ok - because I have brown skin on the end of my willy and thats ok!'
I don't think he's ever mentioned 'brown skin' again!!!!

Apparently, as a child, I didn't like the clothes being modelled by black children in the mothercare catalogue. I am now very anti-racism so definitely grew out of it! All you can do is keep reinforcing the idea that skin colour doesn't matter. Tbh, I think most racist children come from racist families which is definitely not the case with your dd!

my nephew is dark skinned, darker than the rest of his bros but he had issues with coloured skin when he was younger...it was quiet worrying being out and about with him as he would break into giggles if he saw dark skinned people, we did have a quiet word here and there but ignoring helped the most...dont worry, it will pass, they are just innocent kids.