5 year old behaviour

[Onetiredmama84]

So I am now posting on here cos I don't know what to do anymore.
My DD is 5 and since being a baby I have never had any issues with her. These last 3 months though have been what I will call horrendous to the point where I actually feel like I can't do parenting anymore and just want to give up. Her attitude stinks, she's rude and is a nightmare at going to bed most nights, to the point where she hits both me and her dad and screams and calls us names. Sometimes nothing can trigger it, other times it can be something as simple as asking her to brush her teeth. She then will start being silly and then it goes from there. We have tried ignoring the behaviour and sitting waiting for her to calm down but it doesn't stop and she will continue to hit and push us to the point she has left my husband nearly deaf in one ear cos she smacked him that hard across the ear. We always use our manners and reinforce these and we have cut screen time down. I have spoken to the teacher and she is well behaved. I cry most nights and even my OH who is usually so placid and calm is now also at his wits end. Any help would be appreciated.

I can’t really offer advice but we’ve had that with one of our children. The big outbursts started when she was almost 3 (we told her we were going on holiday the next day so she threw everything she owned, including the bed guard, down the stairs).

Lockdown was crazy and every bedtime she would assault me in some way (hair pulling, hitting me in the face, throwing things etc). I was covered in bruises.

The episodes have significantly reduced (she’s now 8) but we do still get them
on occasion.l, usually caused by having been given an instruction or uncomfortable clothes. She’s better at getting in control but they can still last an hour (they used to go on for 5-6 hours).

Is your child particularly intelligent? We spoke to her school who said she was angel there but they had seen this sort of thing with very bright kids. For reference my DD completed all primary school reading in year 2.

She is doing ok at school. I wouldn't say she's overly bright or anything. Teacher has no complaints. She is well behaved at school. This has started since being in Year 1. We had a few issues with waking up in the night just before she finished reception. I thought things would improve over the summer holidays but they didn't really and then since starting year 1 in September her behaviour has changed and the attitude came along. I just hope things improve. Some nights are worse than others. Bedtime can start at 7pm and it's nearly 10pm by time she actually gets in bed. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel so alone cos none of my other friends who have children have never had this happen to them.

Sorry to hear that. I’m not sure of what we do is right but I’ve included some examples below in case they help at all.

I would be tempted to have a word with her teacher and let them know about this if you haven’t already. My child was having more of these outbursts and it turned out they were doing testing at school which was making her anxious. We’ve asked them to warn us in future so we can be prepared.

Could her bedtime routine be a problem? We try to have a calm bedtime (easier said than done) and let her read quietly in bed ( or do a puzzle book etc) for at least 15 minutes. This extra treat and quiet time on her own seemed to really help.

Also, we used to get really cross with her but I’ve found that she calms down quickest when we let her rage for a short period and then quietly explain that what she’s doing is wrong, ask her how she’s feeling and why and hug her, whilst still being firm that what she’s done is not right. This usually snaps her out of it and she ends up hugging me and crying rather than being aggressive. It usually turns out that something has happened in the day that’s upset her. Once during one of these rages I asked her if she was one of the characters in a film she liked would she look at how she’s behaving and think she’s a good character she’d like to be like or one of the bad ones. That shocked her out of it and made her reflect a bit.

Once she calm down she goes straight to bed and then we talk to her about it the next day.

We’re firm about violence towards us though and she gets big punishments for that like missing birthday parties or trips out - but it has to be something happening imminently so she links the punishment to her behaviour- not something happening in a couple of weeks for example. We usually warn her that there will be a punishment and discuss it with her the next morning.

It’s really tough to deal with though but if it helps my child’s behaviour has definitely improved as she’s got older.

I have had a couple of conversations with her teacher now and because there are no issues at school, they think it is just a phase she's going through. Well this phase has been going on over two months now.
We have always had a good routine leading up to and for bedtime. I always let her know what is happening and what we are going to do so she knows what is happening next. She does sometimes watch a film before bedtime so maybe I could try colouring or a puzzle before going upstairs to bed and try that.
I have talked to her about her behaviour and that hitting and pushing makes me and her dad sad and that it hurts and it's not nice. If I use a consequence and follow through it seems to make her worse and then escalates things even further.
I do hope that as she starts to get older that things get better cos I'm not sure how much I can take anymore.

Hi all,

My Son is 5 and started school in September. He has a speech delay which has improved over the last 6 months but he’s recently started hitting. When he gets mad or frustrated he hits. He always says sorry when we address it after but still goes back to it time after time. It’s like he’s not learning lessons.

he’s especially ratty the last few days and when I ask him why he’s angry he says “because I am” I’m finding it hard to calmly manage these outbursts as it’s exhausting. He can be such a happy little boy with lots of friends and sharing but at the moment he’s just awful. It’s like he dosnt care. Anyone had any experience with this?