Leaving child on their own over night

[Picapic]

Hi all,
looking for some advice and maybe contacts who could help. I’m not a parent myself but have a great little niece. My brother is raising her by himself because her mom left them both shortly after the little one was born. She hasn’t been involved at all since then.
My brother loves his daughter dearly but I think she is often left alone for long periods of time. I take her when possible but I know that she is sometimes left alone over night. I’ve tried to explain to my brother that he can’t do this because she will be scared and might not be safe but I think he doesn’t get it. We grew up in a very dysfunctional family and I was practically raised by my brother. He thinks that she will be ok because he was but I disagree. I struggle from anxiety and depression myself and I think it is partially because of the way we grew up.

Im looking for some practical advice how to help more, and how to make him realise the impact that all of this might have on his daughter. She is soon turning 8 btw.
Thank you.

Could you take your niece in OP ?

Very unlikely to be taken into care immediately, there is barely enough placements for children as it is! Unless he is out partying/on drugs etc. He clearly needs some support tho which ss may be able to help with. If he has a good support network, maybe you can discuss with everyone to try and find a safer plan

Terrifying. She is being neglected. You need to act.

She shouldn't be left alone during the day let alone overnight.

OP I used to work in child protection from the police side of things. If anyone were to discover her home alone then your brother would be arrested - absolutely no question about that. I’ve interviewed a mother who left her 7 year old to go shopping in the daytime. ( she was given a police caution). I can’t say what would happen to your brother… I would have more sympathy for a shift worker than someone socialising. I would probably have pushed to charge him tbh without a really really good excuse. Whether your niece would go into care is a different matter …that’s one for SS. I imagine they would not seek to remove a child immediately if the rest of the set up was fine and she was happy.

As an aside my parents had an electrical fire when an integrated appliance set fire and despite being in the house and finding it early on the whole kitchen was destroyed and the house smoke damaged. Little kids would perish in those situations because their instincts are to hide not get out. Ask any firefighter and they will tell you stories of recovering children who have hidden under beds. I also know of a case where several children perished in a house fire while the mother was out socialising - I think she returned to find the fire fighters at the house and tried to pretend she’d just nipped to the shops ( for Calpol …. They always say Calpol. )

Contact her school safeguarding team and the NSPCC.

Whilst I appreciate that you don't want her removed from his care you have to act in her best interests. He may be trying his best but that isn't the best for her right now they need extra support

When first reported they will assess the situation and offer a support plan and he will have to engage. If he doesn't or there are more significant issues then she will be removed. They may look at family first so think if you are able to take her or could you move in with him and live together?

Generally, although there is no legal age as it depends on the child most people would wait until 11 years (start of High school) for being left home for prolonged periods during the day and 15-16 for overnights alone.

What are his reasons for leaving her overnight alone?

The reason doesn't make it better/worse (nothing could make it better!) But solutions for him to not do it would come from understanding the driver for him to leave her alone and what his rationale is.

I know people who have had their child into alternative care either to another relative/parent or into social services care but these were have input from social services that didn't have a positive conclusion. Aside from immediate danger they are unlikely to take them into care immediate but he would have to rapidly change his behaviour and cooperate with them to stop taking action.

What support are you able to give? It's likely that social services will want to know about available family support too.

I was 16 when I was left overnight alone I might have been ready at 15 and a bit but there wasn't an opportunity to do so I certainly wasn't ready at 14. You might say some 14 (very few) or 15 (a few more) or 16 (more still) would be ready but no 7 year old is ready. None.

About a year ago there was a big case in my local area where a mother had left her 4 children at home for about twenty minutes whilst she popped to her colleague’s house which was just across the street for something to do with work.

Her children were 13, 11, 9 and 6.

She said she thought it would be safe because it was the middle of the day, the children were awake and could leave the house or get help if there was a problem, she said the 3 eldest were of an age they’d be considered sensible enough to be alone for 20 minutes, including keeping an eye on the 6 year old during that short period. The woman was so close to her own house that she could actually see it out of her colleague’s window.

In that time frame there was an electrical issue in the house which caused a huge fire. Of her four children, three of them died.

Now if that can happen to children in the those circumstances then imagine what could happen to a 7 year old who is home alone and asleep in the middle of the night.

What your brother is doing is absolutely horrifying.

The Police and SS need to be involved to keep that little girl safe.

If this is real then I cannot believe you have to ask a bunch of strangers.
nobody competent or decent does this to a seven year old kid. The second you found out you should have acted because your brother is not fit to look after her.

I’ve tried to explain to my brother that he can’t do this because she will be scared and might not be safe but I think he doesn’t get it.

Can you expand on this? What doesn't he 'get'?
I don't understand how he can has been the sole parent to her all these years and not know or feel that this is not OK.

7, I thought you were going to say 13 or 14. If she woke up alone she'd be very scared. Is he working or just socialising?

I think this was a tragic accident.
Adults would most likely have died in the same situation.
I hope the mother was not prosecuted for this.

I know it was an accident - I was just trying to demonstrate to the OP how easily these things can happen in a scenario where the children would be considered safe, never mind in the scenario of a 7 year old being left alone at night.

And no, the mother wasn’t prosecuted as she didn’t do anything negligent. Unlike OP’s brother.

Jesus. I was expecting you to say she's 12 or 13 not 7!!! That's neglect and completely irresponsible as a parent.

Thank you. It’s what I needed to hear. Yes I’ll do something and will make some calls and I’ll show him all this. I know that he loves her dearly but he needs to accept help. Thank you

Why is he leaving her over night?

To work, party or have sex?

@picapic I wouldn't show him this thread. He isn't going to appreciate you making the calls even if they need to be made.

What you could do, once you've got the. Support you need, is ask for this to be deleted and encourage him to join the forum as an informal resource of support

For what reason is he leaving her?

I doubt they would take her into care immediately on your say so. They would speak to your brother and his daughter and see what they say. If both of them deny it then there's not much they can do apart from log it so it's recorded in case of further reports. If he admits it then they will make decisions on whether he needs support and guidance or whether the child is in immediate risk and needs to placed in care. If there are relatives, such as you, then your brother will likely be asked to nominate someone to be approached about taking her in rather than a foster placement being found.

I'm astounded that you need to be told this is not right.

He’s been leaving her on her own if he needs to work nights and can’t find someone to mind her.
I’d be happy to move in with them to make this work but we’ll definitely need some help.
Thank you, I’ll call nspcc and take it from there.

Still totally wrong, why have you left it till this. Has he only told you or have you know for awhile?

You need to sit him down and make a plan, he must know this isn't right. If you can move in you should.

How long have you known he was doing this?

Did he never ask you?

Or was it that you couldn’t do it?