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Original poster

13yr old forgetting/loosing stuff/argumentative.

13 replies

Salmouse · 20/11/2023 22:18

I’ve name changed for this.

I have DS 16yr neurodiverse seemly had a very easy ride with him, normal teenage stuff nothing major.

Also have DS 13yr neurotypical (mildly dyslexic) and we are arguing constantly. He looses and forgets things even when prompted. I’ve stopped promoting him, I tell him once and that’s it. Yesterday he had a swimming competition reminded him hours before and told him to put his kit, water bottle and snack by the front door. He put the kit by the door and his swim shorts on the dinning room table which I didn’t see. Left for competition and left shorts. This caused a huge row as I refused to drive 1hr to drop them off.

He floats around the house at a snails pace leaving stuff everywhere. I just can’t get him to get on with anything. I get him to write down the list but he still doesn’t do It. I get shouty as I’m rushing around and he’s not doing the simplest of tasks.

He has a mobile which is very locked down as he gets stuck in the mobile and doesn’t move. He resents this bitterly but still doesn’t make an effort to get his few chores done and keep his room tidy. He just whines and whines and doesn’t give in- neither do I but he keeps going. He has his ps5 for 3 hours on sat and his mobile for an 1hr a day. Every time I increase it his behaviour drops.

He will look me on the eye and lie about homework, so I have to get him to log on and then see the missing, late not done homework. He’s average student and doesn’t put much effort in. In the last few weeks he has lost a whole pe kit and trainers, lunch box, water bottle and jacket at football. He’s removed 4 keys from his chrome book and now they are lost and today he broken the screen.

I’m at my wits end, I’ve asked him how I could help with the organisation and he said it’s fine. I’ve given him advice shown him practically but he refuses to take it on board. I don’t understand how I can say to him do not leave the table continue with your homework and I put washing on and he runs off. He’s 13 why does he never do what he’s told? I’m consistent, I’m fair (I’m sure he would disagree) I’m not chucking belongings out like my mum did to me.

Unless I follow him around nothing gets done. His only though is sports and his friends.

sorry that’s a long one.

OP posts:
PortalooSunset · 20/11/2023 22:22

See you say neurotypical but I read what you've written and see my ds1 (who I was tearing my hair out over when he was that age for the same sort of thing) - he was later diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.

Original poster
Salmouse · 20/11/2023 22:33

PortalooSunset · 20/11/2023 22:22

See you say neurotypical but I read what you've written and see my ds1 (who I was tearing my hair out over when he was that age for the same sort of thing) - he was later diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.

My step mum thinks he has ADHD as he is ‘hard work and a pain’ but she doesn’t like me or him so I never listen. I also tell her off and I never talk about issues with her or my dad.

what helps your son? How old is he now have things changed/calmed down?

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 21/11/2023 07:20

PortalooSunset · 20/11/2023 22:22

See you say neurotypical but I read what you've written and see my ds1 (who I was tearing my hair out over when he was that age for the same sort of thing) - he was later diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.

I've got a DS with inattentive ADHD. He couldn't have managed half of those things at 13. Was much simpler to get the things ready for him and concentrate on things that would help to regulate him.

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PortalooSunset · 21/11/2023 19:40

Salmouse · 20/11/2023 22:33

My step mum thinks he has ADHD as he is ‘hard work and a pain’ but she doesn’t like me or him so I never listen. I also tell her off and I never talk about issues with her or my dad.

what helps your son? How old is he now have things changed/calmed down?

Show quote history

I've sent you a PM, hope that's ok.

PseudoBadger · 21/11/2023 19:54

My DS12 is the same, down to the ND sibling and dyslexia. We are on the waiting list for an ADHD (I think inattentive) assessment.

Original poster
Salmouse · 21/11/2023 21:12

Thank you all, I was stressed when I wrote this. I just re read it and felt very guilty I haven’t said the positive things of which he has many. Is just the chaos that is stressful. I will stand in more and make the time to support him/do it together.

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 21/11/2023 21:37

If he's dyslexic, even mildly then he's not NT. This is an issue with executive function and is common in people who are ND, ds has ASD and has pretty poor executive function. People who are ND can also fail to be aware of the consequences of their behaviour - so when you tell him that he needs to pack his swim bag make it clear that if he hasn't done it properly then you won't be going back for it so he needs to check it very carefully. I would do that as much as you can right now - remind him of the consequences of his actions. There's probably only so much you can do though and only so much he can do too.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 21/11/2023 21:45

I found "How to ADHD" a useful resource when I first started thinking that DS might have it.

Original poster
Salmouse · 26/11/2023 00:53

itsmyp4rty · 21/11/2023 21:37

If he's dyslexic, even mildly then he's not NT. This is an issue with executive function and is common in people who are ND, ds has ASD and has pretty poor executive function. People who are ND can also fail to be aware of the consequences of their behaviour - so when you tell him that he needs to pack his swim bag make it clear that if he hasn't done it properly then you won't be going back for it so he needs to check it very carefully. I would do that as much as you can right now - remind him of the consequences of his actions. There's probably only so much you can do though and only so much he can do too.

I didn’t think about that till now. Food for thought. I’m reminding him of consequences, will see and hope things improve.

OP posts:
Original poster
Salmouse · 26/11/2023 00:54

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 21/11/2023 21:45

I found "How to ADHD" a useful resource when I first started thinking that DS might have it.

Thank you I will look into this book too.

OP posts:
junbean · 26/11/2023 01:01

Sounds like my 13yo...who has ADHD.

dandeloin · 26/11/2023 01:14

... and my 10 year old who has Adhd

yetanotherdaytoday · 26/11/2023 23:31

Sounds like me. I have ADHD (inattentive type).

Knowing I have ADHD has been helpful in terms of understanding how my brain works, finding coping strategies and it's helped my self esteem to understand it's not that I'm shit at life, I have a specific, named issue that I can learn to understand and get help for.

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