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Parenting

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11 year old faking Illness? (He has possible adhd/add)

13 replies

Kaykay333 · 20/11/2023 21:45

Hi so I’m just looking on peoples thoughts on this. My son is 11 years old, he’s been referred to gp by high school for possible adhd and or add. Now he’s a very clever liar! He loves to act on things all the time. It drives me absolutely mad! Nothings ever his fault either. Anyway I’m downstairs cooking dinner this evening, he’s upstairs playing his game in his room. He runs half down the stairs telling me he’s been sick. I go upstairs to the bathroom there’s a tiny bit of sick in the loo. I askto him to turn his game off and get into bed obviously he’s been sick. He then has a fit at me telling me he’s burped and abit of sick came up his fine. Couldn’t be arsed with the battle with him so left him. Called him down for dinner ate a full roast dinner and went back to his game. Couple hours pass i take my younger children to bed and ask him to turn his game off, he then tells me after turning it off his tummy’s hurting! I said to him but you insisted you’re fine!! Anyway So I go get a sick bowl and give him some water and pull the door too. Iv literally stood outside his door to hear him gagging, he’s sticking his fingers down his throat to obviously try be sick!! I must add to this I ABSOLUTELY hate sick, sickness bugs I can’t deal with it all, and he knows this 100%! My question is, is he actually sick? Or Is he trying to have me on. It’s stressing me the hell out. I never know if he’s being truthful or lieing and acting up. I’m now just sitting in the fear of a vomiting bug 😖 anyone’s thoughts or reassurance or somthing would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 20/11/2023 21:56

I'd more mainly concerned with why he is doing this.

Is he having problems at school?
Is he trying to get some attention?
Is something else bothering him?

Will he talk to you if you try to have a calm
conversation about it? If you figure out why he is doing it then maybe you can help
Him stop.

Kaykay333 · 20/11/2023 22:03

He has never ending problems at school. I am constantly on the phone with the school aswell. He had a particular crap day today being sent out of lessons and then it’s re occurring problems with other children on the school bus. He did talk to me about this when he came home though he was really frustrated and told me the school will be calling me! He’s been accused of being racist to someone and is on his last warning to having a bus ban! I’m unsure if this would be the reason why he’s doing it? I almost feel like he’s trying to get at me and make me worry.

OP posts:
StellarPerformance · 20/11/2023 22:07

Is he trying to get a day off school tomorrow? Because he's in trouble or there's something he's afraid to face.
Try and be compassionate. You're not in a battle with him. He's your boy. something's not right and he needs your love and support.

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SwedishSchnauzer · 20/11/2023 22:10

Sounds like he wants to be off school and seems unhappy there

Kaykay333 · 20/11/2023 22:13

He could well be, he’s had a bad day today. He did say the behavioural staff member is going to call me as a lots been going on. There’s constant trouble on the school bus aswell and he’s said he hates going on the bus to school. I did ask him earlier if he was trying to get out of school but he replied with no I want to go to school. I really do try my best with him, it’s so tough with the constant negativity and impulsiveness going on all the time.

OP posts:
Kaykay333 · 20/11/2023 22:31

I know he hates school so it could be a possibility. What do I do? Talk to him about it in the morning. Let him stay off have a day to himself? I feel lost with the whole adhd and add. I have no support from any organisation so I sometimes don’t know the best way to deal with situations

OP posts:
StellarPerformance · 21/11/2023 22:33

What happened? Did he go to school?

Kaykay333 · 22/11/2023 07:48

Yes he went to school, I did try talk to him when he got up and asked if it was school and he didn’t want to go, he just got really pissed off at me and started shouting! I did give him the choice to stay home but I said he wouldn’t be gaming all day, so he took him self off to school!

OP posts:
StellarPerformance · 22/11/2023 08:47

Don't drop the rope.... continue to help him feel emotionally secure with you, and he might open up. Of course, he may not be able to fully articulate how he feels at that age but you need to keep working on providing a secure and loving environment and letting him know you are not his adversary.

Kaykay333 · 22/11/2023 14:07

I’m trying my best with him, I do know a lot of his stress at the moment is on going problems with older kids on the school bus I think they’re being quite nasty to him. Although he certainly isn’t a saint. But it’s getting too much for him, the school had called me today to say the older boys had taken his lunch and eaten it!! I’m hoping to pass my driving test Monday so I can drive him to and from school.

OP posts:
StellarPerformance · 22/11/2023 15:03

That's so sad- the older kid eating his lunch. I hope school deal with that seriously. What does he normally do at lunchtime? school canteens can be like the wild west....
Is there a quiet room he could go to instead if he'd like to?
Getting a car is a great thing to do. Hopefully getting him off the school bus can shield your boy from some of the shit he has to face.
Does he have friends at school? Can you encourage any friendships by having children home for tea? 11 is getting to the older age group for this, but there might be other ways you could encourage him to build friendships. i think if you have friendship, it can help you zone out the nasty kids.

Kaykay333 · 22/11/2023 20:32

They did, they kept him from going on the bus home so I presume he was kept after school! That’s the least they should be doing this boy is year 11 and about 6 foot tall it’s disgusting. I think he hangs around with his girlfriend or he has an option to go do different things like garden ect in a place called becketts. The school has lots of things in place for him to try and help him. He definitely has quite a few friends he went up to high school with his whole year from primary school which is nice. And the having a friend over for tea is tricky as I don’t drive. The pressure is on to pass for sure as there’s so much more I can do to try help him once I do. He was just asking for his friend over for tea a couple days ago! I just don’t want him to feel so pressured at school nothing worse than hating the place you have to go to everyday!:(

OP posts:
Je5585 · 07/12/2023 06:25

I could have wrote this myself. So I completely understand how your feeling. My son aged 11 has ADHD has an EHCP and goes to a mainstream school. He was punched at school yesterday because of an ongoing feud with another child since juniors. Like yours mine never takes responsibility. He posted something on WhatsApp a few weeks back and now being called a racist. Ive had parents call his phone telling me they will burn down our house down and a parent coming round late at night screaming in my face shouting in the street he is a racist. They don't get his problems I am just a bad parent and need to displine him according to them. I am at my wits end and worried where his behaviour is going to lead him. He is no angel and I do believe some of the things he has supposedly said to this kid but he lies so much I dont know whether to believe him. So I completely understand you. I have a daughter that polar opposite.

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