Screen time woes (please help)

[Skylaar]

Typical FTM, adament I'd avoid screen time (feel free to eye roll, I am too). No judgement of anyone else, I just didn't want to personally use it. Anyway, DP works very long hours and DD is a velcro child so sometimes, so I can get something done (after unsuccessfully trying to involve her in whatever it is and throwing all manner of different toys at her), I have resorted to small doses of screen time here and there. Ordinarily though I would try to get her to a toddler group most mornings and then a trip out to town/the shop/soft play/playground in the afternoon.

She's been ill for almost 6 weeks now, back to back. When she's started recovering I've been getting her back out but it's resulted in only catching the next thing and being out of action for another week or so. The first illness was a nasty vomiting bug so she was very lethargic and disinterested in doing anything, and so I did use screen time as she had no desire to play or engage but was also miserable with no stimulation (and books only went so far). Basically, we've had the TV on more in the last few weeks than cumulatively in her life with the combination of being unwell and miserable, the nights drawing in and not wanting to put her back amongst lots of other kids.

The issue is now, although she is currently ill (chest infection), all she wants to do is sit in front of the TV even though she is well enough to play with toys. And she is getting really irate when we say no or later.

How do I fix this? She's 18mo for reference. And the things she's been watching are Miss Rachel or the old school Elmo's World, I've tried to keep it somewhat educational. Please help as I feel like a failure now.

To be honest, if she's not well I wouldn't worry too much about extra screen time. I'd focus more on quality - generally things from cbeebies are good, the Andy Adventures, numberblocks etc.

@Skylaar Honestly, I grew up in a house where the TV was never off, you can only tell when you look at my square eyes. I hope that brings a smile to your face. Look, you resorted to this to comfort your child not because you thought I fancy an extra 2 hours in bed asleep. Feeling crappy about decisions we make for our children just makes us good parents. You will have another 17 years of this.

I would try to to stick to a schedule that the tv goes on at set times and at other times the tv doesn't work it is easier this way rather than an ad-hoc thing. Also try to keep the tv shows in the same order, I am not sure if you are watching these things live or not, that way she knows after Elmo that the tv goes off.

And not all tv is bad, children can learn a lot from tv shows, Cbeebies and CBBC cater exclusively to children. As long as you are interacting with your child, reading to them if they can sit still for 2 minutes, modelling language ie talking to them, repeating their words, like yes that is a big dog etc and maybe a bit of narrating their lives ie put that in the washing machine and now Mummy puts some in, now it is <insert DD's name> turn etc then you are onto a winner.

You are doing a great job, she has been ill, cut her and yourself some slack. My children are much older and I am disabled so mine definitely watched more tv/tech than ever recommended. They are healthy, kind, academically very smart children. Ds2 is 17 for example. Right now he is sat in front of a computer revising for his year 13 exams. We live in a technological world. It is everywhere and in schools too.

If myself or my daughter are ill I'm more lax with screen time.
I try to match the length of programmes with the shows so if she has 10-20 minutes of TV she gets short shows like JoJo and gran gran or Sarah and duck. If she is getting around 30 minutes she gets things like the Julia Donaldson dramatisation these probably won't be appropriate just yet. If it's longer than that due to illness or similar I put hour long shows or or films. At 18 months my daughter loved the masked singer/dancer. The lights and music really fascinated her. She also liked musical animated films like Shrek and Moana. I find she can sit for hours given the will when there are short programs on but with a longer show she will go and get toys and play infront of the TV half watching half engaged with her own game.

One of our favourite you tube channel is singings hands they do makaton signs to nursery rhymes with real children and people. They also do the "correct" version of wheels on the bus and by that I mean all day long and not all through the town. My toddler has strong opinions on this issue!

My little is now 3 and she has TV time mostly when I am doing chores so I don't always remember to go an turn the telly off after the allotted time so I have started using the timer of the TV when I put it on and preselect how long she has. If she comes to ask what has happened she's told the TV needed a sleep and she accepts that and plays.

Please stop beating yourself up over this. What you plan to do before you have a child bears little relation to what is practical, as everyone finds out by experience.
Your child is ill, the important thing is to keep her as comfortable as possible while she's fighting off the numerous bugs she'll come into contact with. Give her love and cuddles, don't worry about what you said you'd do, in the days BC (before children)!