Am I being sensitive, family members kissing my baby?

[rosiebutterfly]

Hello I have a 5 month old baby daughter, there has been scares of cold sores etc on my husbands side of the family where his sister kissed my newborn with a cold sore, she apparently didn’t know which is fine and we understood, she didn’t know at the time apparently it came up the next day, but gave us weeks of scared waiting to see if she’ll need to go hospital, so we decided to tell the whole family that not to kiss her whilst she’s young. My husband has real communication issues and doesn’t set boundaries with his family at all because he doesn’t want to upset them. I went to a family dinner yesterday and EVERYONE was kissing her all over, head, forehead face, hands blowing raspberries all over her face, they know I feel uncomfortable with that so I made a stand politely and got loads of wipes out and completely cleaned her as much as I could, this was met with loads of over dramatic OH IM SORRY IM SORRY I FORGOT but sarcy, then comments started to follow like if his nan was her she wouldn’t listen anyway, her dummy dropped on the floor but facing up so the dummy was ok I gave it a quick wash and gave it back to her but again got comments like ‘oh so that’s ok but kissing her isn’t’ it was just so disrespectful especially the constant raspberries all over her face covered in spit, they even said ‘watch , look at this’ that’s when I lost it and got the wipes out, I have anxiety about her getting unwell as I had a very traumatic birth and if I can do everything I can to not land us back in hospital I will do that, but I’m really having issues people respecting these boundaries, am I being too uptight? Do you let your 4-5 month old baby just get breathed and slobbered all over? I don’t do it to other people’s babies so I’m really struggling with the constant behaviour and comments I’m getting from his family, am I being not normal by requesting no kisses?

I don't think you're being sensitive. I'm not an overly 'kissy' person, and request kisses to be top of head if at all. My baby is 12 months old. I would ask someone not to kiss my babies face and hands...and if they don't respect that I wouldn't take the baby there and let them know the reason why. They're being disrespectful and undermining you. Your DH needs to grow a pair and have your back.

Thank you, that is exactly it it felt like a power struggle the entire day, like she’s their baby and I’m being difficult- yes I had to drag him into the conversation after the comments and say well he doesn’t like it either do you? And he did agree but it was pretty wimpy about it, it was just so awkward

I didn’t mind family kissing mine when they were babies
When my son was 2 he ended up in hospital for 4 nights on morphine as he got the herpes virus from me, I had a cold sore at the time and passed it onto him. I felt so so awful
So no I don’t think you’re overthinking it I didn’t realise how serious it could be

Honestly, I think you are being a little overly precious about this. This whole 'not kissing thing' is a very new trend. I understand that there are sound reasons for it if a visitor is ill, or with premature or immune compromised babies, but does ask people to act against their instincts, and your, baby doesn't seem to fall into any of those categories.

I totally get the anxiety. One of my children nearly died a few years ago, and it's quite medically vulnerable. She's been admitted to hospital because of catching a cold. Letting her do normal things, is incredibly hard, but that's more because of my anxieties than her current vulnerability.

Your baby is going to get bugs, and illnesses and temperatures. Personally, I think this means having sensible boundaries such as no kissing on the lips, no kissing or holding baby while still etc are better than a blanket ban.

If this wasn't your first baby, is they would be hugs and kissed by a sibling that probably goes to nursery or school.

YANBU

Hiwever, babies are so kissable!! (Not in the lips, I can't abide people doing that, not even the parents)

but top of head/forehead is ok (if no cold sores/illness)

tummies/thighs for raspberries.

Oh my god op they sound like a nightmare! You are not being overly cautious at all!!! Your dh needs to grow a backbone. I wouldn’t have that either, it won’t be them sitting up at the a and e when your baby gets something! Aside from anything else your dh knows it stresses you out why on earth is he letting it happen!!!

I kind of do have to disagree yes it’s my first baby, but they work in London and do contract covid quite a lot all of my friends babies have been in hospital for bronchitis and covid recently and have been very ill, you don’t often know you have contracted covid for a few days later it’s a lot to risk for the sake of someone just slobbering all over a baby I think to be honest but I do get your view point that she can and will inevitably catch something regardless, I’ll have a think about it

I’m very sorry that happened to you it’s so scary, lucky you acted quickly :-(

Thanks it was so difficult watching him in so much pain I wasn’t actively kissing him with a cold sore but nonetheless he got it via contact with me
Let his family think what they want there’s RSV, covid as well and it’s very inconsiderate of them to continue with the kissing when you’ve asked them not to x you’re being a good mum

I get coldsores myself so DD getting them was inevitable really, although I was obviously as careful as possible but they are most infectious before they even start tingling by the time they have come up they are less of a problem.

I didn't have issues with DD being kissed by others (on the face but the lips) - at least not by the time she was old enough to put things in her own mouth, I think that's a healthy way of building a immune system.

However I drew the line at anyone who smoked holding her due to third hand smoke and the chemicals on clothes - this resulted in both my parents stopping smoking so I think that was a win all around

They sound like absolute horrors!

She is your baby and you have said no kisses. That’s it, end of discussion. Honestly I would suggest that you don’t let anyone hold her who can’t respect this. It’s absolutely gross that adults feel the need to put their mouths all over children.

Yes I think you are being over sensitive. Of course there are risks all the time but children do need to be exposed to viruses and germs. Obviously if someone has a cold sore they shouldn't kiss the baby and you can ask people not to hold or kiss the baby if they are unwell. That's common sense but being worried that someone might be getting a virus before symptoms show is bordering on neurotic I'm afraid. I'm immunosuppressed and have to be careful but I would never go out if I behaved like this. You can't live your life worrying all the time.

fully support you OP - there's just no need to be slobbering over a baby!

YANBU at all. They sound like they are doing this just to wind you up too which is horrible. I'd hate someone who gets cold sores kissing my baby.

YANBU X