I desperately want a baby but terrified of PND

[Anon316]

Hi everyone

Hoping for a little advice or reassurance. DH and I have been married 7 years in May and together 12 years next year. We are yet to have children and both agree we would definitely like one, maybe two.
As much as I want to be a mother I am terrified and I think this is why it has taken me so long to start a family. Saying that I don’t regret the time we have had just the two of us and the dog! We have had lots of lovely holidays and freedom.
My cousin suffered very very badly with PND (she was hospitalised for a few months) when she had her child a few years ago. I am so scared that I will suffer with the same and it terrifies me. Could it be close enough in my family to affect me too? I do suffer with some anxiety and occasional low mood.
It sounds ridiculous but we got a puppy early this year and I really suffered with the ‘puppy blues’. My DH did most of the hard work and I am so grateful for his support but I’m scared I will rely on him too much if we have a baby and I suffer with baby blues or worse. I also won’t have much support from parents/in laws.
Was this ever at the back of anyone’s mind before having a child?

I assumed I would get PND and did. But I put in place steps to help proactively. I was on antidepressants prior to pregnancy and O stayed on them throughout and increased in the last trimester. I also had weekly therapy before both and from about 3/4 weeks post-partum. In some ways PND was easier to cope with than other mental health issues I've suffered because I knew there was a 'cause' plus it also normally responds well to medication. Other things I did were choosing to FF rather than BF so I got more sleep and having an ELCS to minimise the risks of a traumatic birth.

I suffer from anxiety. Not only did I not have pnd. All these happy hormones plus going to baby groups made me less anxious.

Lots of bad things happen to lots of people sadly. Try not to worry, you are not your cousin. And your cousin was so unfortunate sadly their child was hospitalised.

I think though you can worry something into happening. Consider the positive reasons for having a baby. Consider what you'll be able to do to reduce anxiety. Then have a baby if you want.

Please don't let mental health problems stop you having children. I had extremely severe OCD with both of mind but I got better and thet are 100000% worth it. Best of luck ❤️ these things are treatable

I don't think your cousin's experience should be a consideration. Your whole being changed when you have a baby, you become a different person, it's truly indescribable. It's your decision but I'm 99% sure you would never regret it. Important things are having support, being a team and talking through and anxieties with your gp or midwife.

I had a c section like the poster above. I breastfeed my little boy but DH does a bottle at night

I have had several episodes of anxiety and depression in the past and felt I was at risk of PND. I did develop it, not so badly that I needed hospitalisation. I have been lucky that I was able to breastfeed and look after my son mostly as I have wanted to despite PND. Having had help for my mental health in the past helped me know what to look for and when/where to get help. I have found therapy more helpful than medication previously and medication gave me lots of side effects so I went for just the talking therapy this time. I was able to get CBT very quickly and had quite a lot of sessions as they prioritised perinatal patients. My son is now over a year old, I have been discharged and am feeling much better. I would like to have another child and feel there’s a high chance of PND again but I will be as prepared as I can be to get help and manage it and hope for the best.

lol, helpful 🙄

I don't think your cousin getting PND will have any effect on the chances of you getting it. There's a risk that you could get it and it's pretty common, but for most women it's fairly mild and they won't get hospitalised.

But it's good to be aware of the risk and ensure that you have things in place. For example, if you did get it then your DH will have to pick up some of the slack, even doing sole care if it is severe. So you need to ensure his work allows for that. There is no such thing as relying on him too much - it is his baby too. My DH was able to take a long paternity leave of 6 months which was invaluable to me. So it would be worth moving to a different employer for example, if his paternity rights are poor (obviously you need to plan this far enough ahead). My family don't offer support but we have saved so we can pay for support and extra help with cleaning and other chores. Personally I found that good quality baby groups and classes really helped me, they were pricey but absolutely worth it.

What me? Was that not the answer you wanted?

Well it’s not advice/reassurance is it? Doesn’t everyone suffer with low mood from time to time? Should nobody have children? 🙄

I have social anxiety and have had periods of depression in the past. I was worried my mental health would get worse after having a baby but it’s actually improved a bit. I’m very introverted so I actually enjoy being with my baby at home and not being expected to work and socialise with other people very much. It’s taken a lot of pressure and stress out of my life. Having a baby affects everyone differently. You might get PND or you might not. But I don’t think you should let just the possibility of it put you off having children if you really want them. If we avoided doing things because something bad could potentially happen nobody would ever do anything. If you were to get it there is also plenty of help and support available.

@Strawberrycheesecake7 thanks so much, great to hear your mental health has improved since having your little one. We sound very similar so I really hope this is the case for me too xx

Yes but I’ve never considered depression. Whole different thing. I was confident in myself and life at the time I decided to start a family. I was just highlighting this point amongst the “don’t worry about it” posts.

Good for you.

No it’s not. It just never occurred to me. You think you have a problem so surely you need to talk to someone. Or it’s actually low level and not actually an issue. If that’s the case just stick to the positive posts.