Looking for advice or solidarity please, I have an almost 3.5 year old. She could always be described as intense, strong willed and determined since she was a baby. She is clever, has an extremely good memory and has advanced speech.
She can also be kind, sweet and has a great sense of humour.
I have always struggled with knowing the best way to parent her, and recently I have found it even harder as I am pregnant with number 2 (she isn't aware of this yet).
Her struggles mainly seem to revolve around her being in control, for example at home she may instruct us to have our hands in a certain position, not speak, say something in a certain tone, go up the stairs a certain way. These requests can be very specific and she can be extremely upset if she thinks we are doing them 'wrong'. We do not always indulge her in these requests.
She also struggles when we are out, and see other children,. Today she scared 2 children on separate occasions. The first was when we walked past a Christmas tree in a town centre, she wanted to go near it but another child was having their photo taken with it so I explained that and that we would have to wait for them to finish. She almost pulled me over with trying to drag me towards the tree, and was screaming at the girl saying 'I don't want to wait!' The girl looked upset and the parents hurried her away.
Later in the day, we were at an amusement arcade. This is an activity we've done many times and she usually enjoys. She had been using a 2p machine, had finished with it, and moved onto something else. When we walked back past the machine she has been on before, another child was using it and standing on the stool she had been using. My daughter threw herself to the floor and started pulling the stool, almost making the other child fall off. I picked her up which was a challenge in itself as she was thrashing around, and took her outside to calm down. She was genuinely distraught, and couldn't catch her breath from crying as she thought the other child had done something wrong.
On the way home she got upset if any of our group was out her sight or was walking few steps ahead of us. This is just the most recent example of many situations where her reactions and thoughts seem quite extreme compared to her peers. She goes to nursery 2.5 days a week, and we see children at other times so she is used to being around them. They have never mentioned any issues, the only thing I can think of is that on a brief report it said 'to share with friends' as her target.
She is also very attached to me at the moment, and even favours me over my husband which is something we've never had a problem with until recently as we are very equal in the time we spend with her etc.
That doesn't really sum her up, I find it difficult to put her behaviour in to words and maybe it doesn't sound so bad on paper, but I feel deep down that the intensity and specificness of her demeanor is not like her peers. She rarely seems content, she is always noticing or fussing about something, and likes constant adult conversation or stimulation.
I have cried on numerous occasions as a result of just not knowing what is best for her and how to parent her, and my husband feels equally frustrated. I work with children so thought I'd be a confident parent, that is far from the case! Thanks in advance for any advice x