Weekends

[bloodyhellKen22]

I have a lovely 16m DD. I love her so much and she's the sweetest. However, I still haven't quite got used to weekends as a parent.
I used to hate my job, but at least I knew that at the weekend, I'd have a chance to "recharge" (lie in, potter around etc), but now it just feels like I'm on a never ending hamster wheel run.
I only work 3 days, but then on Thursday and Friday DD has classes etc and although I do manage to get bits done, things like my work (I'm a teacher so have to do a lot in my days off) I can't really do until she's asleep when I'm exhausted. I also miss just pottering about the house at the weekend and relaxing and haven't been able to do anything like it since I've had DD. My DH and I try to take shifts but I can never really relax properly and tbh id like to spend time with him. I always feel like we are trying to find things to do to fill the day as staying in the house feels hard at the moment. DD doesn't yet walk so park trips are hard.
What I'm asking is are there any tips to get that "weekend feeling" back? Or any ideas of what to do with DD at weekends?

Anyone?

I absolutely agree. My eldest is now 5 and I haven’t yet had a restful weekend. He’s quite a handful and a very unrestful presence so I think other people with calmer children might be different. He’s just starting to settle to slightly longer and calmer indoor activities like Lego or colouring, but I’ve since had two more children so any benefit of that isn’t felt because they are still at the very hard work stage of needing to be totally occupied. Very very rarely I’m in the house alone for an hour or so and it feels like bliss. But all I do is just housework without several people screaming at me. The idea of lying in bed and reading a book or cooking something a bit complicated or binge watching something is still very very remote for me.
In terms of suggestions, I haven’t many, but when my eldest went to a class on Saturday morning with my husband that was a time I could rely on for a bit of peace. We also used to try to give each other one lie in each at the weekend, though this isn’t possible any more with three. I hope things are calmer for you soon.

One of the things I found hardest about adjusting to life as a parent is that the weekends went from being something I would look forward to …. to sometimes just feeling like bloody hard work!

It is still something I struggle with a bit (DC is now 5) but it gets much easier as they get older as it opens up many more options of things you can do with them out of the home. So you feel less like you are just killing time.

They will also start doing weekend activities where you don’t have to be involved e.g. DC does a swimming lesson where I sit and have a coffee and watch, and a ballet lesson where I have a coffee with another mum while the kids dance.

Also staying at home gets easier as they get older as they learn to do “proper” activities, my DC will now draw or do crafts or Lego so I can sit with a cuppa, whereas when she was a toddler she was just a whirlwind trashing the house while I ran around tidying up after her!

Things that helped me:

1. Every weekend DH and I each get one “slot” where we can do what we like & the other has DC. I tend to do my sport with friends which is really fun and a complete break from parenting.
2. DH and I each get 2 weekends a year away to ourselves.
3. I try to think of some things to do with DC at weekends that are for me too - for example now she can cycle reasonably well I take her to a place where she cycles 5km and I run alongside so I’ve got my basic exercise in then we visit my favourite cafe which she likes too as she gets a little treat. She still enjoys this but it is soooo much more bearable for me than soft play or park (which we do do, just not all the time!)
4. The biggie for me was getting a job that is working full time from home so I get to spend some of the time saved on commute and lunch breaks pottering at home or doing what I want, so I get pockets of enjoyable “me-time” Monday - Friday
5. I stayed part time once DC started school so in term time I get a day to myself during the week
6. Pre-school age I (occasionally) put DC in nursery and had a day to myself

Hi OP, I do understand where you are coming from, and I sometimes long for my pre-children weekends too.

The not walking is tricky as we would do park most weekend days from that age. However, it won’t be long until you can do this.

What do you like to do? We tend to enjoy a Sunday morning breakfast out, so we now go to the park, let DS run about, then breakfast and a walk afterwards if weather is okay.

We like to potter around the house so try to go out and get some fresh air Saturday morning (or swimming if bad weather) and then do some baking/crafty things in the afternoon. DH take it in turns to supervise/play while the other relaxes a bit.

We also like going for country walks but that has been tricky since DS could walk as he got annoyed being in carrier but couldn’t manage much of a long walk. We walk a lot and have gradually built up to some decent walks. He is 26 months now and we managed a 3hr walk recently, he maybe spent about 40min overall on DH shoulders but walked the majority of the time - so things like that aren’t in the too distant future for you.

Other weekend activities we do: meeting friends for coffee (ideally friends with kids!), having friends to us for lunch/dinner as DS can help get food ready and then kids can play together while adults chat, visiting grandparents, local farms, garden centres.

I totally get you as well, weekends with toddlers don't exactly feel like a rest.

It gets easier when they're older which, I know, can be an annoying thing to hear. Mine are 10, 8 and 4, and we've been at home all day today because they've had colds. I've had a lie in, got some jobs done, read some of my book, caught up on the news, my DH has been out for a run, the kids have done some craft, lots of Lego building, made a fort (all unsupervised). And there's been telly too partly because we've been poorly - we've watched The Jungle Book and Men in Black.

Essentially we've pottered all day, and it's been nice. It might not be exactly like the pottering from my 20s, but it's still relaxing and we enjoy hanging out together. We play a lot of board games, build a lot of Lego and do big puzzles in winter.

One Top Tip if I may: sign your small person up for Beavers now! Research and find the best, most active colony in your area and get them on that list. Once they progress to Cubs age 8 and Scouts age 10 the amazing volunteer leaders will take them away camping and having the time of their lives for days at a time several times a year, and it won't cost you much at all (£90 for a 3 day camp round our way). They will love it, and you'll get a weekend off. It's fabulous!

Oh and the other biggie is DC is an only child, meaning if DC has an activity such as a birthday party at the weeekend one parent takes her and the other one gets free time. She’s had a birthday party around every other weekend since starting school.

I’m right there with you, my two are 3 and 1 and I have to admit sometimes I heave a sigh of relief on Monday mornings when I get to work!!

Some things we do with ours - pop your DD in a carrier/pram and she’ll be along for the ride:
Museums, library, walks in the woods, trips to the local farm (you could do a petting zoo or a zoo if you’re near one I guess!), going on all the rides at the local shopping centre (we don’t pay, they haven’t figured out how they work yet and are happy to just sit in them!), buying a treat at a cafe and eating on a bench

At home: baking, floor picnic, play doh (they’ve done this since quite young but at 16 months I was monitoring closely to prevent them eating it - you can also make taste safe!), any kind of sensory activity

I agree with PP that it’s good to combine doing what you want to do with activities for her, DH and I loved going for walks before kids so now we do that with them on our backs! Also yes to shifts and to one lie in each per weekend. It’s a rough period but we will get through it!

Our weekends are very busy, but it was like that pre-dc really. We used weekends to check out different exhibitions and restaurants and now we do the same with our dc, with some more family-focused activities thrown in. At this time of year there are lots of festive events and activities. We love all the shows and experiences and we've got something booked in every weekend until the end of the year. DCs were at a funfair today and my toddler loved seeing all the lights etc.

We do a lot of indoor activities in the winter - museums, galleries, theatre shows, indoor touristy things. At that age it's nice to have a space they can just crawl and toddle around in, it doesn't have to be dedicated to kids as long as it's not too busy.

I don't get time away from the dcs at the weekend but I feel I get a break from them even while I'm with them, because DH can be more present so the load is less (he is always hands on but obviously at work during the week). I don't really want a break from them though as I figure I'll have that time once my youngest is in nursery.