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I don’t know what to do ……..

10 replies

hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 06:13

my 10 year old ds was so upset last night. She really cried which she rarely does, she seems to hold everything in and then breaks down. She shares a room with ds5 She desperately wants her own space but we don’t have an extra room for her. She shouts at ds when he come into the room. She seems so angry. Then I get annoyed cos she’s shouting at him.She said she wants time alone and yet when she is in the room alone she feels lonely 🥲 She has been quite withdrawn on and off. She is desperate for a pet but we don’t have a garden. Not sure I can cope with a hamster 🙈 She has friends at school but I’m not convinced about any of the friendships being great for her. Now her friend has moved house and has her own room, ds feels she’s the ‘only one’ sharing- obvs I said she isn’t. Sometimes they take the mick and tease a bit, she is very sensitive to this. I have tried to give her stratagies to manage but she finds it hard to stand up for herself. She told me that she doesn’t talk much at school (which I am aware of)- she said she ‘loses her words’ and doesn’t contribute much in class. We had parents evening and they said her work was great and she is doing well academically. She loves skateboarding and goes once a week, swimming and football.
she has also started to worry about secondary school and whether she will go to same one as her friends, which may not happen. We are applying for a grammar school just to try , as the schools near us aren’t great.

I’m struggling a bit myself in general, don’t live near family. Feel exhausted with the kids and general routine etc. Just so worried that if she doesn’t manage to get her self esteem up she will find secondary a massive challenge.
she also said that’s she just doesn’t know ‘what to do’. I asked what she meant, she said at school playtime she just follows her friends around as not sure what to do.
I know some of it maybe hormones but feel maybe it’s more? I feel I’m not doing my best as a Mum as I’m exhausted and struggling myself.
if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. Sorry for huge ramble at 5am . Thank you

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
nannynick · 18/11/2023 08:24

Please post in Parenting topic. Childcare section is for discussion of paid childcare which I don't think your question is about so you are unlikely to get many replies.

hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 08:32

Thanks- I realized and reposted x

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Fantasia99 · 18/11/2023 08:37

I think realistically you're going to have to try and find a way of giving her her own space. NSPCC recommends that children should ideally have their own room at the age of 10. Housing legislation also states this and would consider you overcrowded. Are you on the list for council housing? Sounds really tough OP and most people understand that you can't just find a new house and move instantly, but you will need to in future.

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hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 10:10

For sure she needs her own space- I’m registered with all housing and council in the area- it is also their rules that we need 3 bedrooms now, but maybe there jus
t isn’t the housing stock anymore- or it takes so long.

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hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 10:12

She doesn’t seem happy in herself at all and in social situations either(sometimes but mostly looks uncomfortable ) she’s ok one to one with certain friends. A couple of the ‘friends’ have not been helpful I feel, but I guess the eve sort of girls can be in any class or school so it’s learning how to deal with them- which is hard

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BeckyAMumsnet · 18/11/2023 10:18

Hello @hoopmatrix We'll move this over to Parenting now.

lowestofthelow · 18/11/2023 10:19

Could you organise some play dates with the friends who you think could boost her self esteem? Perhaps also a new activity like Scouts or Girl guides could help her feel more confident in herself, and make some new likeminded friends.

Could you install a bunk bed with a curtain/privacy screen? Just so she has somewhere to call her own? X

hby9628 · 18/11/2023 10:30

Can you split the room? When I shared with my brother my mum used the wardrobes so we each had our own space. Admittedly it was small (box room size) space each but we had our privacy. I had the window side which was lovely and light.

hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 10:31

Thank you. Curtain is a good idea. She does have play date but hasn’t for a while as things seemed to have been busy. That’s a good idea. I’ve tried to encourage out of school activities to meet new friends etc, she tried a couple but just doesn’t like it when she doesn’t know anyone. Then I end up feeling like I’m forcing her 🙈

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hoopmatrix · 18/11/2023 10:33

This is my plan this weekend. Involves taking down a wall of ikea Kallax which are screwed to the wall! Hopefully it’ll work out.

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