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Parenting

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Original poster

Being a shouty parent

5 replies

namechange50482 · 16/11/2023 21:03

I've somehow become a shouty parent and I hate myself for it. I am not and never have been a shouter. However I feel like I shout everyday now and today my 6 year old DD told me so.
She is right and I feel crap as that is not how I want her to remember me.
My main trigger is quite simple especially with my 6 year old who just doesn't listen and after the third /fourth time I do shout. Tonight I brought her PJs and asked her to put them on. I said it twice then went out of the room to sort out DS out when I came back she still hadn't so I asked her again. Again she started to but then stopped to play/mess around. So I shouted and she told me how bossy I was and that I just shout all the time.
We have since had talk about both my shouting and her listening.
Any advice appreciated!

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Mummyme87 · 16/11/2023 21:05

No advice really, I’m also a shouty parent. Triggers are my boys almost 6 and 9 just not listening and being wind up merchants. I try to pick my battles but it’s hard

Woush · 16/11/2023 21:24

There are no boundaries in any aspect of the incident you describe. I would imagine that's central to why you shout.

Remember, boundaries are never about someone else's behaviour. They are only ever about your own. Boundaries define what you will not tolerate, full stop.

The 101 of boundaries is: "If you xxx, I will yyy".

In your example it might be:

"It will be time to get PJs on in 10 minutes. After you have PJs on you can have a warm milk and 30 mins to bedtime" (or whatever)

"It will be time to get PJs on in 2 minutes, finish what you are doing"

"Time to get PJs on, then milk and bedtime in 30 minutes"

"I've already asked you to get PJs on. If you are do not get PJs on on your own, I will help you get then on and you will go straight to bed."

Follow through, if needed.

Predictability. Clear consequences. Boundaries describe what you'll do. Follow through.

jamsandwich1 · 16/11/2023 21:29

I feel like I’ve become a real ‘shouty parent’ too in the last few months. DS is 5 now and just NEVER LISTENS. Getting out the house on time is a nightmare and now DD just copies him.
I try and stay patient but honestly I just want to scream most of the time.

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Dogknowsbest · 16/11/2023 21:31

The main issue is that you haven't found a strategy that works. In my line of work, we talk about using a low, firm tone - it's much more powerful than shouting. Also, is she listening to you the first time? If you're on her level and looking at her she has to listen. If she doesn't listen then you need to have a consequence - a time out or 5 minutes off her story time. Endlessly reminding is an easy way to lose your temper.

Juicyjuicymango · 18/11/2023 22:40

I agree there needs to be a consequence after the first or second time. (Or a reward)

I'm not sure if this would work for a 6 year old as our DD is a bit younger but we've found 'now is your chance to put your shoes on, if you don't put them on this time I'll do it for you' works well.

Did quickly learnt to just do it when we say that

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