Does she really mean a fiver

[Hannahgrace]

DD invited to a party, on the invite it says no presents but if you want to put £5 in a card. I spoke to another Mum who said that £5 is too little and that really you need to give £10?
So confused, don't want to give too little but then think it's silly to put £10 when she clearly said £5 on the invite. This is our first party so not sure if this is normal? What would everyone else do?

£5. It’s taken me a while to realise, but an overly generous present is actually kinder to the giver than the recipient. Because you’re passing on the discomfort of it potentially being an inappropriate amount to the other party and Allie acting the worry for yourself.

I’d do as they asked.

Agree don’t take it literally, the mum has tried to keep it low to stop it being unachievable or grabby, put what you want in.

id give a tenner but only if you can afford it. A fiver is fine too. So is nothing.

DS got 18 presents from 22 guests (so 4 didn't bring anything, which was fine). Of those, there was a range of gifts between £10 and £20! This shocked me and made me feel really guilty as we've been buying things for about £5 for the 3 parties before DS's! We received Lego sets and all sorts, I felt so mean and have upped my present game accordingly.

However, we are in a very Naice area which has recently been ranked as one of the top 5 highest house prices in the UK and the parents here are ridiculously wealthy.

I'd err on the side of £10 if you can spare it as it's less obvious with presents than with money (although people will have a good idea). No one gave us money but we didn't specify it as we weren't really expecting any presents, we just wanted DS to have a great time with all his friends.

My friend started this "trend" (if you can call it that) with her daughters 4th Birthday. She called it a fiver birthday party and everyone put a fiver in a card. Most parents overjoyed not to have to go out and buy a present and the birthday child got to go to a shop and buy a present with the money she received. Lots of life lessons there about the value of money (for the child), reduces the plastic tat and saves a lot of people time, money and effort they may not have. Since she started this the other mum's have followed suit for their own children's parties.

Chuck a fiver in a card as requested.

£5 is fine.

I'd give nothing. The invitation says no presents, £5 if you want to.
If you give her £5, then on your child's birthday she gives you £5, that's a pointless exchange of cash. So I never give cash presents. It's an actual present from me or nothing.

When DD4 was about 5 one of the mums did a whole class party and says put £5 in a card. Thereafter that’s what everyone did.

IME most people gave £10, some gave £5, some gave a lot more, a minority bought gifts

I think it's awful to ask for money even a small amount

Why?

I think it's great - child gets a decent but not excessive gift.

A few schools have this policy now where I am - my DC are a little older, so it's always been a gift or voucher to the value of €20 or so (about £17.50) which was costly at times.

Put five pounds in a card??

Why question what she wrote???

Because it's bad manners. Invite people to a party, don't give instructions on what/what not to give. Mind you, I feel the same about wedding presents so I am probably old fashioned.

@SisterMichaelsHabit
However, we are in a very Naice area which has recently been ranked as one of the top 5 highest house prices in the UK and the parents here are ridiculously wealthy

Brilliant excuse to interject a stealth boast into the thread 😀

Please just give £5. I had a fiver party this year and the vast majority gave £5. There were a few who gave more, which I thought was unnecessary and slightly annoying, although generous!

On the other hand I attended a party where the mum didn’t call it a fiver party (different school so perhaps it hasn’t been introduced there), and just asked for cash donations towards a big present and I felt I had to give £15 there, as that’s what an average physical birthday present would usually cost around here.

Because it's bad manners. Invite people to a party, don't give instructions on what/what not to give.

In the case of a birthday party I can't agree.

Every child will have one. Setting small realistic expectations is helpful not unmannerly.

If she'd asked for £25 that would be rude!

I agree more about wedding gifts - but this is different.

Don’t overthink it, it’s just a party for a child in your child’s class. They’ve said a fiver so do that unless you want to give more.

For kids that we didn’t know I’d often give £5 or £10, maybe some sweets too. For good friends as they got older, I spent more.

No one really cares. I just wanted the party to go smoothly when mine were that age.

Good post, I agree.

I definitely over-thought it when mine were younger; as they got older I was more relaxed & gave whatever worked easiest, or more for good friends etc. And I didn't care about what anyone else gave us or didn't.

I spoke to another Mum who said that £5 is too little and that really you need to give £10?

Far too many people want to spend other people's money for them or make people feel bad if they can't afford more.
The invitation said 5, so give 5 if you can afford that. That's it. Don't overthink it.

Some people have loads of money floating around so 10 quid is nothing to them.

Yet you microscopically analysed who had given what and who gave nothing.

PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS A POEM.

'hip hip hooray!
It's Ted's Birthday!
Buying a gift won't be hard
Put a fiver in his card.

Years ago there was a thread where someone posted about “Twosies” parties in Canada. Apparently a box would be put somewhere and guests would put 2 dollars in as a gift. I thought it sounded like a great idea although presumably rates have increased with inflation now.

I could never let my child attend a party empty handed. To me, that looks so rude.

I would give £10

And I always remember who gave what...so i can reciprocate.