To be embarrassed returning to work because of the way I look..

[Beatricebotterx]

8 months postpartum following an emergency c section, I have gained so much weight, I used to be size 8 and I am returning to work next week at a size 12-14. I tried losing weight but it wasn't happening (I am still breastfeeding so perhaps why) so I gave up, and I havent been eating or exercising the best in all honesty. I dont know why I feel total dread returning to work and I am so embarrassed. For years I have also been suffering with female androgenic alopecia, my hair has thinned even more and the top of my head is so sparce, the combination of both is really knocking my confidence. I still make an effort with makeup which helps a little.

I am not really sure what I am asking, is it normal for women to gain so much weight after children? My friend has snapped back to her old weight so quickly, I don't know enough mothers to know what is normal. Would you judge someone for gaining so much weight and not loosing it so long after the birth?

I also need to buy more clothes, none of my jeans fit and I am currently living in leggings and baggy jumpers. I have approximately 2 stones to lose!

Any advice would be welcomed, my body still physically hasn't recovered from the pregnancy and c section in all honesty, I feel silly to be focused so much on vanity issues.

Please be gentle, feeling rubbish tonight!

My advice would be to get a few outfits that make you feel comfortable. Depending on your job, maybe some nice dresses. Remember that some people would love to be a size 12-14.

People will be pleased to see you, they won’t be criticising what you look like (we only tend to do that to ourselves).

Also, it took me 2 years to lose my baby weight with DC1 and a year with DC2.

Please don't feel bad. I'm in the same boat as you (exactly the same pre and post sizes) but > 1 yr pp. Also still bf and whatever I do doesn't seem to make much difference. I'm just accepting it for now and trying to work on getting fitter and eating a better diet and hoping the changes will eventually come. Dropping the weight is not worth giving up bf for me. We will get there! Comparing to others who looked like they never gave birth at 1 week pp is never helpful (I have a few friends like that as well - lucky them!).

Thank you so much for your kind words. Do you mind me asking you how you lost the weight? I also find it hard motivating myself when I'm so hungry all the time breastfeeding, yet so tired all the time to excercise. I feel so low though I know its time to do something!

Also thank you for the time frames too, maybe my expectations are quite high thinking most women lose the weight within a few months, like my friend!

It’s normal, don’t worry. Not everyone bounces back straight away! I’m still trying years later. Same for a few other formerly slimmer work colleagues. Lockdown didn’t help.

I mean this in a nice way honestly.. but no one will care .. someone being a size 12/14 isn't going to raise a single eyebrow at work since its a really average size. and everyone is too busy with their own lives to be bothered what you look like.
If you've been off for a year after them last seeing you heavily pregnant, they probably won't even notice.

I did lose all baby weight within 4 months but I'm not breastfeeding (couldnt) and started the skinny jab.

The last time your colleagues saw you was 8+ months ago, and you were heavily pregnant. It's not like you buggered off one Friday a size 8 and then re-appeared on Monday doing a Bella Emerg impression.

On clothes: I agree with getting a few outfits that you feel comfortable in.
How about a capsule wardrobe - a few good quality items that you can swap/change with each other to make lots of different outfits?

On hair: Would you consider a short, choppy style? I think shorter styles always work better for thin/thinner hair.

On general confidence: It's old hat on here but might a good eyebrow tidy-up, lash tint, a facial and some new nail polish help you feel a bit more 'ready'?

Re your hair... would you consider a hair piece or weave? My boss got one for alopecia and it looks amazing. She was very open about it as it was a radical change. But if you wanted to do it but keep it private return from mat leave would be a good opportunity.

Have you had thyroid tests - assume so? But worth re checking if last time was pre pregnancy.

I hardly put on any weight during pregnancy (polishes halo 😇)

Then I was blessed with a baby who wouldn't fucking sleep, who turned into a toddler who wouldn't fucking sleep, and the only way to survive was through mainlining sugar, so I put on loads 🙃

It's just luck of the draw, really, but size 12-14 isn't exactly huge, and no one else really cares what you look like.

My top tip would be to invest in a capsule work wardrobe that fits your body now. A couple of tops and bottoms in colours that all go together so you can mix and match and don't have to try 5 outfits on (and feel like they all look awful) before dragging yourself to work in the morning.

Have you thought about a hair weave or wig. I explored both options after years of suffering inherited female pattern baldness. I went the wig route. There are so many good ones available at reasonable cost. It has given me so much more confidence. Wish I’d done it years ago. With the weight - healthy eating, no fads, and the weight will drop off over time.

I returned to work size 8-10 almost the same as before giving birth much to my surprise. However I then developed intolerances and other health issues. I sort of snapped at a colleague who said how are you so slim. I answered I'm intolerant to so many things it's hard to eat. With the help of a nutritionalist I worked towards eating more and became a healthy size 12. It may be bigger than you're used to but you're still slim.

And to be honest most people including me are too obsessed with their own issues to judge you. Buy some lovely clothes, smile and you'll be OK. Also you'll realise others have changed, thats life.

No one cares about how you look. You made a little human 8 months ago, love your body and yourself. You'll lose weight with time, going to work helps as you'll be more active.

People care about they themselves look, they do not care about how others look. You are slim at 12-14 anyway. Go to the hairdresser and that will perk you up. Maybe some shaper pants underneath too if you want.

A friend of mine went privately re hair loss. She was given Minoxidil to take orally, a year later she isn’t taking it any more but has a lovely thick head of hair still.

You’ve got some great advice above OP. I lost weight from nine months onwards, but I needed to stop bfing first. I work with someone who has just come back a good size 14+ from her maternity leave and she was lighter before but she still looks fabulous. I’m sure you will too.

If you are on Instagram, there are lots of great videos of hairdressers fitting weaves; they look really natural.

I've just lost almost 3 stone with the help of the slimming world app - after a tough pregnancy, emcs and a very grumpy baby

I've made sure to do it slowly but steadily and for the last 2 months it's included zero exercise due to having surgery on my leg and then recovery from it.

For me I had to wait till my head was hurting really in it but once my head was there I've just stuck to it and lost weight almost every week.

I think you should but yourself some clothes that flatter you - dresses and a few new pairs of shoes. Do your make up, relish being out of the house for the day.
it took me months to lose weight and it’s hard to do when breastfeeding and when you’re so tired.
try and cut down your carb portion size if you can while still giving yourself enough. Find things that fill you up - eggs, lots of veg, any fruit, meat, full fat yoghurt

Honestly no one will care….some will notice and then it will pop right off of their minds….it won’t even make it to other peoples radars…..eat less ….move about a bit more….it will drop off soon

This is me too!

Well if you're not eating or exercising properly then you won't loose weight.
Fine, weight isn't an issue for you.
But now going back to work has bought it all sorts of feelings and emotions including shame and judgement. There is nothing you can do but own it. Go buy new clothes that make you feel confident and happy.
In January, you can start making plans eat and exersise. One thing at a time.