How do I explain racism to an autistic child?

[HowOnearthdoI]

My 6 y o has autism , adhd and often just shouts out things as he thinks them.

Recently he’s started commenting on ‘not liking’ certain items of clothing and wants very bright colours and refusing any neutrals then it was not liking our dog but liking the car as the cat is orange and this is now about people or making strange comparisons and then saying ‘but I like this person better’ (because they aren’t a certain colour). I’ve tried to explain but it seems like it’s a very simple case of not liking certain colours which unfortunately translates into racism when he applies this to people - his understanding of concepts is not good so what can I say to try and explain why he can’t say certain things but also to try and help educate him ?

There are many good books on racism for children. Check out the library, but the Usborne lift the flap ‘What is Racism?’ book also comes to mind. Autistic children often have a strong sense of social justice so once he understands what racism is you might find you have the opposite problem: that he polices what everyone else says.

His understanding level is prob around age 2-2.5 years so it’s really difficult. I’ve tried saying to him that it’s not kind and that it will hurt peoples feelings but he very factually says ‘but not a colour I like ?’ So when I elaborate it ends up he is confused and I just can’t find a way to explain to him that it’s not acceptable

Thanks I’ll have a look at this . I think he’s just got this very simplistic view and can only see his opinion about colours he likes as valid and most of the time it’s clothes / what plate he likes/ what paint he uses and that’s been fine but suddenly now that he’s progressed this to people I’m saying it’s not ok it’s like he doesn’t understand. He was always before saying colours he liked when it was inanimate objects so of course it didn’t register as a problem. Now he’s saying what he doesn’t like and applying it to people and I need him to understand it’s not ok

would it work to say that liking someone because of how they look may hurt their feelings? So we don’t comment “I don’t like that big nose” or “I like that big tummy” because we don’t know if talking about their body will upset them. (There are so many nuances tho it’s so hard to explain!).
or point out people and objects are different? People have feelings and can hurt and objects don’t have feelings so we have to be careful what we say when we talk about people.
But I also point out that this can seem very confusing and always validate his confusion around these social rules (he may regard objects and people as the same).

Can you just make it more general than 'colour' can you just say that making comments about the way people look isn't nice?

Would a social story for repeated use help him? Does he already use them? Could a teacher or speech therapist help you write one?

If you're not using them at the moment, here's a link about them;

https://families.leicester.gov.uk/childcare-professionals/send-for-professionals/early-years-teaching-service-resources/social-stories-in-early-years/

I tried but he just is so confused as all he seems to think is that he’s obsessed with what colours he likes / dislikes and I’ve probably not helped as for ages if he’s said for example no to his black jeans or brown cords and wanted red or blue joggers that’s been fine or if he’s said he loves the cat best as he’s orange that’s not be questioned further so I feel like I’ve confused him but I had no idea which way this would go if I’d known I’d have made an effort in general to explain that in any context all colours are equal but when it was trousers or the cat it didn’t matter ?

The Sneeches by Dr Seuss is a good one.

The reason I suggested a social story ratger than general information about racism is that you're facing a behavioural problem - socially unacceptable and distressing speech around physical differences.

I would see this as needing specific instructions to explain how to behave when he sees people of different colours, repeated in the same way frequently.

But it is okay for him to prefer certain colours of trousers etc. You haven’t done anything wrong in encouraging that. That’s giving him some choice in a world where he has very little choice. If the reason behind it is too abstract for him at the moment maybe it does just have to be that we don’t comment on other people’s bodies so we don’t upset them.

I agree about the distinction between inanimate objects and people is likely to be hazy. Mine would have conversations with bunches of flowers. Maybe highlight with something like “They are a person.” Then go on to say that we don’t talk about people’s bodies etc each time he talks about someone. You could even do ther reverse and highlight when it’s not a person and therefore okay to talk about how it looks.

Yes I think he has a blurring between objects and people . I will speak to his speech therapist and see if I can get help to word it all better

And yes, writing a social story to kick things off would help. A really simple one with pictures. Make it fun, not preachy. Personalise it etc. They are so useful.

This is a person. People can get upset. Talking about how someone looks can upset them.

This is a cup. Cups do not have feelings…etc

But I have to - he says things loudly all the time and it’s offensive and I have to at least try ? He needs to somehow understand as he has to be a member of society and I feel like it’s my job to help him understand how to navigate the world rather than me apologising after him And explaining he’s autistic which if he can’t understand I will but I need to try or I’m failing him

Such a hard one for you, does he have a sunflower lanyard? One might help show third parties that he has SEN whilst you navigate this.

Does he have a special interest that could be used maybe? Find him picture of people of various colours involved in his special interest?

My ds has asd and developmental delays and this has recently become an issue for us.

Firstly ds does voices, this can be awkward but more so if it's a different accent as it sounds like he's mocking.

Then today we were walking behind an Asian family and a Black family and DS loudly pointed out (he's always loud) their skin was darker. I said yes and talked about ethnicity. He then proceeded to asked if their skin would get lighter through washing. I felt awful

I definitely will look up these books.

Hi, my son who has autism went through a stage of only liking bright colours/sparkly things/ blonde hair etc. I think they just seemed more exciting to him. He is older now and not racist at all. He also now is happy to wear darker coloured clothes. But likes to have bright socks. He can be very blunt with his opinions but can also have a real sense of justice and be a great protector. Try not to worry too much, although I know that's easier said than done.

One thing that might help (although not stop him commenting) is if you get him a high vis vest with 'Autism' in big letters on it.

Can you try and shift his hyperfocus onto other things by being very boring about colour and not engaging in it for a while. DS (who is autistic) used to point at people and say "old man" "fat lady" "spotty boy" etc when he was about 5. The more attention (of any sort) the worse it got. Instead we used to ignore it entirely and mouth sorry to the person and if possible say he is disabled (autism wasn't understood well). We then also spoke about how we don't use certain words but not at the time as he liked the attention of it, or if not liked it added to the hyperfocus if that makes sense.

@HowOnearthdoI

you haven't done anything wrong (except maybe allow dubious clothing choices 😂😂the 30 yo spent about 2 years wearing frozen dresses at any possible chance!! So red tracksuit would have been a vast improvement!!)

it's fine to have colour preferences in clothing, table wear, even animals.

maybe you could try using the animals as an example?

so yes, of course you have to try to teach him things to stop him upsetting people or getting a thump, but he is only 6 & NT kids still struggle, & people are more understanding/forgiving.

Dont stress about it, you're doing your best xx

I’m autistic and I think particularly as a young child, you’re probably just going to make it be a rule that he doesn’t comment on appearance without trying to influence his thinking, because as you probably realise that’s a losing battle at least at the moment.

This is the best idea on the thread.

Even compliments should be avoided, unless to friends. He will grow into a man and if he, as an adult, goes around telling strange women that he likes their red coat or blue bag, he's going to make them uncomfortable because strange men rarely compliment women with innocent intentions.